Family Approval?

[Minerva]

I haven't told my mom yet (dad is dead and wasn't in my life anyway). My relationship is new, even though our friendship is not. My mom and son have met him, but at the point they met, we were just friends. My mom and 9 year old son both like him a great deal, and I know my son would be thrilled if he knew (my son is a big Doctor Who fan and thinks he looks like the 9th doctor, hehe).

My mom... I never tell her much about my relationships. She has a way of putting things down, and there's a lot she could put down with an LDR. And since I live with her, she could chip away at this bit by bit, day by day. We'll wait until he visits and we'll tell her together. I do think she's guessed, but so long as I don't say anything, she won't either.

I am lucky that she likes him very much though, so maybe it will be ok.

[brazil]

Well, my mom is completely pushy when her wishes or what she thinks "is best for me" is at risk. She emotionally blackmails anyone close to her that mildly cares. She's always been like this and I've mostly given in. Now this situation I've put myself in is the most difficult one I've had to overcome ever. Not only do I have to travel without her, but I have to travel without her to ANOTHER COUNTRY. I've never been out of my country, and without anyone's support, it's extra hard for me, because my personality is completely passive.
When I was a child, I was always supported by her, and since I've started growing up, things got a lot more difficult, because I want more than what my mom would think was best (or would allow me to have) for me.

Now, I understand her, I'm the only child of 5 pregnancies she had and I know she doesn't want me to hurt myself. But I don't understand how it is that what hurts me most is herself. I never told this to her, because I care for her and I'm never in the mood to "hear it".

Anyway, it's impossible to give a full view of what my mom and I's relationship is and has been for all my life and I reckon this is no place for this, but I would just like to let people know how vicious the situation can be. This is one of the main reasons why it's been almost 3 years and me and my partner haven't met.

Oh, right. My partner knows everything about it (well, she knows my side, for all I care) and she's supportive BUT she says I have to be the first one to go over. So, as usual, I give in. I have a better $ituation than she currently has, but not the emotional. So we just have to work with that and may God act upon my visa interview and the decisions I take for my trip, that may be the last time i have a healthy relationship with my family.

[knhdarw]

I'm extremely close to my family and we ust to always say if u marry one of us u marry the whole family.... HAHA when i let my family meet my SO they didnt think he was the one for me and all the blah blah but I just turned 20yrs old and going to school to become a dentist, so i honestly didnt care what they thought if they like him great if not I've told my SO and my parents that i would move to be with my SO and with or without there blessing because its not there life and i have to make myself happy 1st and formost

[Dhak-Dhak Girl]

Familial approval is paramount. For me, I learned the value of full disclosure, after years of lying to my family about a boy I met online (when I was very young). For my boyfriend, coming from a tight-knit joint-family system in India, his family is part of his identity.
For my boyfriend's parents, the issue is less that I'm in America and more that I'm an American. Not an Indian and certainly not a "homely" girl of the correct community. Which is what his father, at least, is looking for in a daughter-in-law. If we win over his sisters and his mother, then we've won over the family.
I made a home-away-from-home in south India, and I'm determined to work there regardless of how things progress with my boy. I loved Karnataka and Tamil Nadu before I knew him. I keep telling myself that he's sort of the icing on the India-cake. But my parents are supportive.

[MissVampyxo]

My parents don't really believe any of it I think. They let him come here after me bugging them for months and being a brat about it lol! But my dad keeps saying 'you two are gonna end up falling in love!" Which it's been 9 months- and I told him that- And we already are in love! My mother does mention us having children though and always complains because I would really love to move to Florida after I'm 18 but she says she's not letting me and she won't be able to see her grand babies lol! But idk my whole family is still iffy about it and none of them will understand for a while longer I guess, but I really think he is the one and if this works out we do plan on getting married in a few years!

[kaitycat]

We're very lucky when it comes to our parents, both his and my parents were in LDRs for YEARS after they met because of school, work, immigration and other nonsense. It's not a big deal to any of them. My parents haven't met him yet, but they seem to like him well enough already.

[krabuzh]

my mom and dad support me for this, but also being worried too much about if my SO really the one for me and worried that I might be hurt if we didn't work out.
and then suddenly my mom felt it's way too hard to let me go to the other country where my SO live and kept on saying that she actually hoping my SO will be the one who will come and move to where I am.

[mickey's bird]

My cousin met my partner 5 months before I did and absolutely loved him for me. I wanted to introduce him to my mom when I went to the UK in the beginning of the Summer but she wasn't interested in meeting him because he's a different race and way older. That lead to a big argument, but now my mom is more accepting of my partner and is looking forward to meeting him.

[alw83]

It is important to me to have family approval as I'm super clsoe to my family, however I also know that to an extent it's not their life and mine so while their thoughts and feelings matter some, they aren't exaclty deal breakers. However with that said they seem to be okay with my LDR. I didn't tell them for awhile because I wasn't sure how serious it wwas, but when we began to skype and talk more often on the phone and I knew I was going to continue down this path for sure then I told them. They have been surprisingly quiet on the subject honestly. Not like disapproval of it, but like indifference almost. I don't think they don't like the idea and I don't think they are excited about it, they just see it as a fact. It might be because they have never met him before and so they are waiting to get a feel from their meeting him in a few months when he comes to visit my hometown.

[MrSilens]

You know guys, I don't want this to sound bad, but I am kind of glad that I'm not the only one who's family doesn't support his choice.
You see, my SO is from a different country, speaks a different language (Sure, I know English pretty well, but my parent's don't) and is from a different religious background. All those, as I see it (and as I understand from my mom), really bug my mom, as she'd want to talk to my SO without me translating, and then she goes on about how she wants my future wife to be Jewish and all that jazz (even though we're not religious by any means), and I have to constantly remind my mom that I do not care about religion, age, location and all that like she does (as I've said before, my woman is actually older than me by five years), so then she goes on about the fact that shes older. Mind you, my grandma has decided to take my moms side on this one, and I clearly let them know that if I get 'cornered' I'd just get out of there without listening to what they have to say at all.
They honestly made me feel like s*** a couple of times with their talks, but I'll still do this, I am way too much inlove to just 'forget' about this very special person that is waiting for me, because she's apparently not up to somebody's standards.

[Zephii]

My parents are dead, but I will never again date someone my family does not approve of. Luckily, we have my sister's blessing 100% even though she's against meeting people online

[Sora1101]

I'm not very close to my parents but I have a good relationship with my extended family, I would care alot more about their approval rather than my parents but even if I'd be happy if they did approve, if they didn't it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me, because I have so many problems within my family I grew up never caring for their support or even wanting it, and that has carried over to the aspect of my relationship as well. My friends are, and have always been, my family and they approve of him that's all I need.

[nerdgirl]

my parents dont really like my SO but it's more because of me being away from them when i'm with him. it doesn't bother me much.

[heylittlekrissy]

Actually opened up to my mom about this for the first time yesterday, we work together but she was home so I texted her and was like "What would you think if I told you I liked a guy who lives in Wisconsin? He likes me too, and we want to be an official couple, but I wanted to get your blessing too" because I'm very close with my mom, so what she thinks means a lot to me. She just said she already knew I liked him because I talk about him a lot (which I started to do on purpose just for that reason :P) and that she was happy for me as long as it made me happy, which I told her he did. My brothers kinda know, well, 2 of 4 of them lol, and they're cool with it, too, but my dad has no idea yet unless my mom told him, and he's the one who's reaction I'm still kind of worried about. I do care about what he thinks, but it wouldn't really stop me if he didn't agree with it either.

[brazil]

You know guys, I don't want this to sound bad, but I am kind of glad that I'm not the only one who's family doesn't support his choice.
You see, my SO is from a different country, speaks a different language (Sure, I know English pretty well, but my parent's don't) and is from a different religious background. All those, as I see it (and as I understand from my mom), really bug my mom, as she'd want to talk to my SO without me translating, and then she goes on about how she wants my future wife to be Jewish and all that jazz (even though we're not religious by any means), and I have to constantly remind my mom that I do not care about religion, age, location and all that like she does (as I've said before, my woman is actually older than me by five years), so then she goes on about the fact that shes older. Mind you, my grandma has decided to take my moms side on this one, and I clearly let them know that if I get 'cornered' I'd just get out of there without listening to what they have to say at all.
They honestly made me feel like s*** a couple of times with their talks, but I'll still do this, I am way too much inlove to just 'forget' about this very special person that is waiting for me, because she's apparently not up to somebody's standards.

I loved your reply. It inspired me! Although my family's issues are different from yours, the thought of getting out if cornered was just really nice and romantic. I'm going through an issue now that doesn't involve parents, but I'm afraid my cousins will feel used.

We are planning to go to Disney in January, but MY priority is to meet my SO. The thing is they seem to not remember that (I never said i would meet the love of my life there, I said I had someone that I wanted to be with, though). I hate to have to say the same information to a person more than once (it happened when I came out to my mom too. I had to say it in three different occasions and I think I might have to remind her later in january).

So much for being Introverted, I have to keep reminding people of my sh*t. So anyway, my point is I'm feeling really pressured right now, by unsupporting parents, oblivious cousin and job. Sometimes I just want to give it all up, but I can't because I don't even have an American visa yet (she's from the US, btw). So I stay and do the best I can, like right now, I can't wait to get to work and think of other things instead of obsessing about everything that can go wrong in my life.