Should I tell him?

[karbauer]

I can't tell the police. I could have left but I didn't. How would I report that?

[folclor]

Sexual harassment. Not your fault. Not much in the way of evidence they can get now but at least they'll have a record of you reporting it so that if something like that happens again they'll take you more seriously.

[Darth_Taco]

Yes you can tell the police. You didn't want to do anything with him and he was trying to force you. That's the definition of attempted rape. I never technically said no either. Though when you got someone screaming for their mother, that's usually a good indication to stop. Just like the actual need to force somebody into it usually means "Uh...maybe they don't want to do this."

I understand why you don't want to say anything, but I am at 10 years from where you are now. To this very day I am still terrified. I can't get anywhere near the state of Arizona because I know that's where he lives. I'm still having nightmares. I'm still scared he'll find me. I'm scared someone will tell him my address or give him my phone number. I'm terrified of him trying to come to visit. I still can't even talk about it without screaming. I know he's out there, and he's allowed near me. I waited too long, I'm not allowed to report.

At the very minimum it can get you a restraining order if you file a police report. He'll be monitored, and no one else will have to suffer because of him. I don't think you understand the amount of hell you're putting yourself through for the rest of your life if you don't say anything.

[Erika]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Attempted rape is attempted rape. It doesn't matter if you could have left at any time, he tried to do something against your will. And especially because he grabbed your hand when you tried to leave the first time, at that moment you did not have the opportunity to leave.

Report it to the police. The worst that can happen is they are not able to do anything, but they will listen and get you any assistance you need. You need to do whatever you can to make sure this guy does not hurt anybody else.

And yes, definitely tell your boyfriend and even your parents! As hard as it might be, it will help to have the support.

*Hugs*

[Caitlin2009]

I can't tell the police. I could have left but I didn't. How would I report that?

how could you if he was holding your hand and not letting you leave, you gotta report that! Or else he's gonna do something worse to someone else. this guy is a predator and your not the first person he's done that to and you wont be the last person. report it!

[Michelle]

I can't tell the police. I could have left but I didn't. How would I report that?

Believe me, they are going to be on your side, not his. You have nothing to be afraid of. You didn't do anything wrong and what happened was in no way your fault.

[Mio]

Girl, it is typical for assault victims to feel guilty, but even if you feel so at the moment you have to talk. You don't know if he is just starting, and eventually he can actually rape and kill inocent people. You can stop a predator now. I hope it works out well!

[xsomanymilesx]

if you dont tell him, tell someone, a few weeks ago i was assulted at school by a group of boys, i felt like it was my fault and i could have stopped it, DONT think like that. you are not at fault. you really need to tell someone of authority who can help you, xx

[FireflyGal]

Hey, Because I feel like this kind of question may be an issue for a lot of people, I wanted to post back with my own experience and a useful resource...

I am a rape survivor myself, and went almost 2 years before telling anyone I loved (I was part of a confidential counseling program, though, and I encourage people to get real, trained help, ASAP). As it stands now, the one person I've told--my current, and yes, Long Distance boyfriend, is probably the most supportive and loving person I could imagine. I think, in fact, being able to share that with him was monumental for me and for my relationship. Mostly because for the first time in my life, I don't see this as my identifier--it's not who I am. Sure, it may explain waking up with nightmares in the middle of the night or the reason that I don't like being pinned down in a tickle fight, and many, many other things besides, but it isn't who I am, it's just something that happened to me, and I've got the scars (emotional and physical) to prove I came through it okay in the end.

Healing from any assault is a process. If you had issues with a violent attack like I did, or if you were too afraid to say no and feel like you should have--it doesn't matter. If you didn't want it, it was wrong, and it is punishable by law. The choice to report it is up to you--my choice may or may not have been the right one, even for myself, but no one else can possibly make the choice for you. And trust me, it is empowering to realize you have the choice--that you can pursue legal action if you want to. I would love to be able to help you out if you need to talk about things, and even more than that, I wanted to point you towards an AMAZING resource for those of us who have survived assault, of any variety, whether it was an hour ago or a decade ago.

RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, has launched a completely revolutionary online hotline for victims of Rape, Abuse, Sexual Assault, or Incest. It's completely free, completely confidential, and completely worth your time. The first time I logged in, I was terrified that they would laugh off the fact that I was having nightmares and panic attacks two years after the fact even with professional counseling, but that was so far from the truth it's not even funny. Trained professionals sit on the other side of an instant-message-like program and help you, A LOT. They have no record of who you are or where you're from, they keep no record of the conversation, and they only have the details you want to share with them. It's non-judgmental, it's easy, it's free, and it's real, immediate help and advice and assistance.

Here's the website, for those who need it:https://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/....and please, like I said, feel free to get in touch with me--I've been there, and I'm still living it, and all we can do is take it one step at a time....

[Kiyenna]

I really hope you're okay, Karbauer. If you need someone to listen, I'm here.

And thanks for posting that link for everyone. Firefly!

I've had things like that happen to me a few times. Recently, I had something really horrible happen to me and I told my boyfriend later that night. Because I tell him everything. He's always there to listen for me and he always helps me feel better. I knew he'd be more hurt if I told him later and he found out I kept it from him for awhile.

I think you should tell him. I think you'd feel better because if you posted this here, I'm pretty sure some part of you wants to, and he's someone you're supposed to be able to say anything to without being judged. o.o I think he'd feel the way my boyfriend would if you kept it from him since you said you tell each other everything. Though I hope he isn't one to make rash decisions. My boyfriend always asks my permission before he does something on my behalf and if he didn't, I might worry!!

Also, Michelle is right. You should tell the cops. Even if they can't technically do anything, at least they'll know to watch him.