What you want vs what is possible

[BoogleBee]

Hey all,

This doesn't really need a thread but I just wanted to talk about something. My SO is coming over in about a week and a half (YAY!) for 6 weeks. So I have been planning towards it, and saving money and stuff like that. I actually am worried about how we will afford everything when she is here - we are staying in a holiday house together. But I think I have enough for us for the 6 weeks. Also I am back into the second half of my Uni year -It is the second week this week. I am planning to be busy with Uni this week and next - reading ahead etc so that when my SO arrives we can have time together around Uni without it being too stressful and during the visit I will stay on top of everything as well of course.

My SO then said that there was a possibility that she could come earlier! Exciting! A whole week! But that means she would arrive this weekend. It just feels so sudden. If it weren't such a big trip it would be simple. But I am stressing about money if she comes earlier than planned, as that is a whole extra week to budget for and about getting on top of my Uni work as it would only give me a few days to do that. I want her here more than anything! I wish I could see her right now. I just had everything planned out, and now am stressing. I told her I didn't see how it would work her coming earlier in terms of expenses, and late notice for a change of dates for the holiday house, and also how expensive it would be to change her flight tickets at such late notice and me with my Uni studies that I had all planned out.

She thinks I don't want her to come now, or earlier at least, when in reality I want nothing more than that! It would make me so happy. But she only sees it as me not wanting her here, not that I don't see how it would work with such a sudden change..

If that makes sense. Did I react wrongly?

[Laura_N]

I think your reaction was natural and more like rational. I'd love to have my SO here right now or go there but as I'm a student, money is a bigger issue to me than to her since she's got a job and she's the kind of person who doesn't really take stress over money. We cannot see each other before November or December. I take stress over everything, especially money and my studies. When emotional thinking meets rational thinking it's always mixed feelings, at least for me! If I were you I would probably try to reassure her the best I could, altough I guess you have already done that. Have you told her you're worried about money when it comes to your meeting? It might help too.

[BoogleBee]

Thanks for your response. I did tell her about the money issue, she said she has money, but she won't tell me how much she has so we can talk about this practically. But we are both students. She now says I don't like spontaneity and that I don't want her here. I wish she was a more rational person. But she isn't.

[Dziubka]

I understand both of you.

I generally like things in my life to go according to the plan I had, time and budget plans included. It sort of stresses me out if something comes up and I have to change/adjust my plans, because there's usually so many things that depend on each other that it always is a big thing.
I'm also quite impulsive at times, and when I come up with a new idea that seems like the plan to save the world at the time to me, I can be quite set on it and disregard whatever consequences it might had. Because, whatever I've come up with, is so worth it all, in my head anyway.

So in regards to the earlier visit:
How much is the change of the flight tickets going to cost?
If it's not too much and something Natalie can afford right now, is there any way she could stay at a hostel or some place cheaper (couchsurfing?) for the first week? Does she know your friends or any other people or is ok with busying herself during the days?
That way she could come earlier and you could meet for a few hours everyday, but you could still get your classwork done. And it wouldn't cost a fortune.

If it's going to be really expensive either way, I'd say you wait another week. A week is really nothing (*keeps telling herself this*) and you're going to have a much more relaxed and stress free time, if you get ahead of your study schedule before she arrives.
Save the money up for a later visit or care packages.

[BoogleBee]

I understand both of you.

I generally like things in my life to go according to the plan I had, time and budget plans included. It sort of stresses me out if something comes up and I have to change/adjust my plans, because there's usually so many things that depend on each other that it always is a big thing.

So in regards to the earlier visit:
How much is the change of the flight tickets going to cost?
If it's not too much and something Natalie can afford right now, is there any way she could stay at a hostel or some place cheaper (couchsurfing?) for the first week? Does she know your friends or any other people or is ok with busying herself during the days?

If it's going to be really expensive either way, I'd say you wait another week. A week is really nothing (*keeps telling herself this*) and you're going to have a much more relaxed and stress free time, if you get ahead of your study schedule before she arrives.
Save the money up for a later visit or care packages.

That's how I feel, I get so stressed because if this changed there would be lot's of other factors to consider as well and change.

In terms of the flight changes, she hasn't called them yet to see how much it would cost, but I told her she should. Since she would be changing it to leave this Friday I think it would be incredibly expensive to do. And I know she would want to be with me the whole time, as I would with her if she spent all that to come an extra week.

It just feels less stressful for me to have it go as planned. The arrival time of her visit was actually really perfect for me with Uni and everything else, so I hope she is still excited for that. I want to make everything perfect when she arrives, and so if it gets moved forward a week it will just stress me out instead.

[BoogleBee]

We just had a wonderful talk and are doing much better we are both very excited for the original plan

[NaNi]

We talked about it and while I do think it would've been nice to get that extra week I can see how it would've been a bit rushed. My SO wants to prepare some uni related things before I come over so that she can spend lots of time with me. Which I appreciate. It also would've been quite expensive. I don't care about money, but it's money I can save for our next visit already.

[MusicalSoul22]

Glad to hear you guys worked it out but I do understand it from both sides. I prob would have reacted the same way...but I also would have freaked out about changing everything too. Just remember that either way you get to see each other for a few weeks! That is special.