Me and my SO have been having a lot of communication issues lately and I was just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation or could offer some advice. (sorry it's long)
When we started dating a year ago our problems were mostly caused by the language barrier. He is a native English speaker and I'm not so I couldn't understand him very well. When we first met I had to ask him to repeat everything at least twice and if I still couldn't understand, I just smiled and nodded because I was too embarrassed to ask again. I'm used to his British accent now but I still misunderstand him sometimes.
We have had some funny (and less funny..) misunderstandings. Most Finns like to talk as little as possible, so every time we can replace words with some uncertain mumbling, we make sure to use it. I used to say 'mm' instead of yes to tell him I agreed with him but he always thought I hadn't heard what he had said and had asked him to repeat it. So I didn't understand why he always repeated things even though I had already agreed.. While he was probably wondering if I was a little dumb or half deaf. Luckily we realized that at some point.
My English has improved since we started dating and we don't have that many problems because of the language barrier anymore but instead we have some new problems communicating. We used to talk about everything for hours but lately we have just ended up arguing or not really understanding each other. He tends to get very defensive and think that I'm blaming him for the problems we have had even though I have just wanted to talk, not to attack him. My reaction is more extreme and probably makes me sound a bit crazy. When I get upset I withdraw and often it gets to the point where I can't talk anymore. It feels almost as someone is sitting on my chest and strangling me. I know what I want to say but I can't get the words out of my mouth. From what I've heard, I start staring blankly, get lethargic and don't react to anything. It really scares and frustrates my SO and he always starts asking questions which makes me even more upset. I always feel very physically cold and emotionally exhausted afterwards and he doesn't understand why it happens. I know we need to change the way we act and we have tried, but we just seem to go back.
These past few days have been so bad that we decided today that we won't talk for a few days to really take a little break from fighting and think how we could change the situation as we are both really exhausted and sad. I hate arguing and we never really did it before the last month. He is coming to visit me on Saturday so I hope we can sanely talk about this face to face. I really don't know what to do so I'm asking for some advice.. I know this has to change.
Also, would be interesting to hear about other's misunderstandings and communication issues! Thanks for reading!
When we started dating a year ago our problems were mostly caused by the language barrier. He is a native English speaker and I'm not so I couldn't understand him very well. When we first met I had to ask him to repeat everything at least twice and if I still couldn't understand, I just smiled and nodded because I was too embarrassed to ask again. I'm used to his British accent now but I still misunderstand him sometimes.
We have had some funny (and less funny..) misunderstandings. Most Finns like to talk as little as possible, so every time we can replace words with some uncertain mumbling, we make sure to use it. I used to say 'mm' instead of yes to tell him I agreed with him but he always thought I hadn't heard what he had said and had asked him to repeat it. So I didn't understand why he always repeated things even though I had already agreed.. While he was probably wondering if I was a little dumb or half deaf. Luckily we realized that at some point.
My English has improved since we started dating and we don't have that many problems because of the language barrier anymore but instead we have some new problems communicating. We used to talk about everything for hours but lately we have just ended up arguing or not really understanding each other. He tends to get very defensive and think that I'm blaming him for the problems we have had even though I have just wanted to talk, not to attack him. My reaction is more extreme and probably makes me sound a bit crazy. When I get upset I withdraw and often it gets to the point where I can't talk anymore. It feels almost as someone is sitting on my chest and strangling me. I know what I want to say but I can't get the words out of my mouth. From what I've heard, I start staring blankly, get lethargic and don't react to anything. It really scares and frustrates my SO and he always starts asking questions which makes me even more upset. I always feel very physically cold and emotionally exhausted afterwards and he doesn't understand why it happens. I know we need to change the way we act and we have tried, but we just seem to go back.
These past few days have been so bad that we decided today that we won't talk for a few days to really take a little break from fighting and think how we could change the situation as we are both really exhausted and sad. I hate arguing and we never really did it before the last month. He is coming to visit me on Saturday so I hope we can sanely talk about this face to face. I really don't know what to do so I'm asking for some advice.. I know this has to change.
Also, would be interesting to hear about other's misunderstandings and communication issues! Thanks for reading!
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