I'm not exactly sure what to do at this point...

[folclor]

Okay...so this is slightly odd to me... I've been planning, for months, to possible move to Edmonton, Alberta which is (unfortunately) about 3 hours away from where my boyfriend lives. However, I really like the idea of moving up to Canada and I know it'd be easier to get a job at a city center that has decent public transit. Last night, though, I was talking to him on video and telling him how I had filled out 11 applications that day (I finally got to turn them in earlier this afternoon when I commandeered my brother's car for a little) and one of them was for Build-A-Bear. On the application it asks whether you're legal to work in Canada, which I thought was pretty cool, so I brought it up to him, to which he responded, "Yeah, but the closest Build-A-Bear is in Edmonton."

...So, then he started talking about how he wished I'd move to his city. Well...they have basically no public transit system and I doubt I'd be able to find a job as easily there, especially considering that I don't have that much job experience. He seemed extremely disappointed by the fact that i didn't immediately agree and start planning to move there instead of Edmonton. The only way I'd be able to move to his city is if I moved in with him and that...kinda won't work at this point considering I have certain values that don't mesh with that idea. However, I have no car and if I moved to his city I'd have to have a car and I'd probably have to move in with him. A few months ago he was talking about how i shouldn't move to his city because he didn't know how long he'd be there and Edmonton has much better job opportunities. I mean, I guess I should take it as a compliment but...I really don't know what to do at this point. I guess I'm just confused...

[Laura]

I think this really is just him feeling that he wants to see you more; i.e. a compliment. I wouldn't worry too much about it - I'm sure he can understand the (perfectly valid) reasons you do have for not moving to his city, and I can't see him resenting you for it. After all, why rush things (so to speak)? You'll be living together eventually, so it's not the end of the world. Hope things go well for you!

[Bluestars]

I can understand why your boyfriend would want you to move to his city, but I think you moving to the other city would still be better than living in two different countries. My boyfriend moved an hour away from because things just happened to work out that way. Yeah, it would be cool if he lived in the same town right now, but this isn't permanent, and besides, we get to see each other a lot more often than usual. Finding a job is very important, so if you get the opportunity to move to Canada to work it seems like it will be meant to be. I think maybe you could maybe bring it up again. 3 hrs away is WAY better than having to buy a plane ticket!

[Tanja]

I can see why he'd feel a bit disappointed if you didn't move to his city... But tbh having a job is probably the most important thing to have when you move to another country and you need it in order to secure your wellbeing and financial situation.

If you 2 have been taking things slowly as it is I can't see why he would complain if you moved 3 hours away from him instead of staying in another country. You just need to explain that to him and he will understand you and surely eventually he'll feel happy that you're coming closer to him.

[Taija]

It's understandable that he would rather have you move directly to his city, but like others before me have said, getting a job is the most important part about moving to a new country and if you can manage it better in another town, you should certainly go with it. 3 hours will feel like nothing compared to thousands of miles!

Besides, your boyfriend has to remember that you're leaving your family and friend and moving to a whole new country just for him. It's a big change - he should let you do it on your own terms.

[folclor]

yeah, he's pretty much the king of mixed signals and I'm not sure what he wants at this point. I brought up some of these points in talking to him last night and he said he might be moving to BC so I don't really know if he is planning to or if he was just having a bad day and felt like saying that to avoid possible planning.

[Zephii]

That does sound a bit tricky! I'm sure he just wants to see you, and sometimes that makes people say things without really thinking them through. He kinda needs to know what provence he'll be in for you to move up here though! I think it'd be even more scary moving to a new country and not moving in with your SO, so good on you! I really respect that. Good luck xx

[folclor]

heh, I think it was mainly that last night he was pissed at his work and his grandmother (for various reasons) and night before last he was happy and peaceful and in that dreamy state where you say what you really want even if you didn't mean for it to come out. ^^;; When he gets sleepy, if he's not annoyed, his walls come down and I think that's what happened the first night.