Hi guys. So, as you already know, me and my LDR partner are no longer together. We broke up about a month ago. We spoke once after the beak up briefly, and there have been a few emails (mostly from me), IM messages sent back and forth, mostly from me again. I've pulled back a bit to give him his space, since we're broken up and all. At first I was feeling bad about the breakup, but now I feel like it was for the best. I think that everything happens for a reason and after much thought, I feel that we may not be such a good match after all. I don't want him back, I'm ready to move forward. But when i get close to someone, I like to keep in touch to see how they're doing. I have a feeling that he may find it hard to speak with me since it brings up old feelings. But I still talk to my ex of 3 years ago every once in a while and have no interest in getting back together with him. It's painful for me to create strong connections and then not at least maintain a friendship or speak to each other every so often. How do I get my ex to talk to me without a) seeming like I want him back or b) seeming like a stalker. I have given him his space, but like I said, I would like a phone or Skype conversation every once in a while to see how he's doing. It feels like we ended things so abruptly and not speaking is just strange to me... What do you guys think? Have you dealt with this before and how do you get over that urge to speak with your ex? I want to give him space, but I don't like feeling like there may be hard feelings still there. Speaking with him, surprisingly enough, will help me move on I think... Right now I'm finding it hard to move on because there is no closure. Staying friends with an ex helps to give me that closure I guess...
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My ex husband and I are friends. I flat out told him, we were a big part of each others lives, and I will always care about you, no matter what has gone on. I want to be friends, lets make that happen, and make the effort not to just lose touch and become strangers. We don't speak often, very rarely see each other, but I do like to know that he's okay, and I think he feels the same.
Maybe you can just do a random text or brief email to get it going. -
That's good advice... I have sent an email saying that I don't think we should be friends for a little bit, so I'm afraid I'm probably sending mixed messages! I would like to talk to him on the phone, though to make sure he's OK. Maybe I'll reach out again and explain that I want to chat on the phone... He doesn't seem to want to speak to me, though. Maybe I should give it a rest...Comment
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Well, I reached out one last time. I said that I've moved past the breakup, I believe it happened for a reason, and I would just like to check in every once in a while to see how he's doing and all that. I asked if he could Skype or chat on the phone some time this week. There's a good chance that he won't respond back, but at least I tried. If he doesn't respond back, I'm going to give it a rest for good. Thanks for the advice! :-)Comment
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your intentions are obviously good, but he is clearly hurt and upset, perhaps a bit angry and bitter, i have delt with the same thing, sometimes, it can get nasty.. because you broke it off with them. but in the long run, if he really cares about what you two shared he will get over it eventually and come to you. just give him some space... 1 month isnt long at all to have been broken up. he should come round soon enough and then at least you have salvaged some part of the reletionship. dont give up on him as a friend if it was something special...good luck!Comment
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Sounds like you've handled it nicely. I have no experience with this bc breaks up always happened for a reason and I usually just couldn't stand the kind of person he was at the end of it. :P But hope it works out!Comment
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Thank you!
I can't tell you enough how much these posts have helped me. I randomly signed on today, out of boredom really, but it turns out it is just what I needed. My LDR bf and I broke up just 2 nights ago. It was a hard decision but like bluefinch604 I feel it is for the best. Also like bluefinch604 I am the type of person that cares a lot for other people and doesn't want to see them hurt. This has been the hardest part, knowing that I hurt him
He was sort of blindsided by the whole thing and I felt awful. I really care about him and honestly think that we'd be great friends but I don't know how to go about it. Unlike bluefinch604 it has only been 2 days so I know it is premature but I really hope and pray that after we have both healed our hearts we are able to stay friends. He's such a great guy and so much fun but as a couple we're not as compatible as we'd both like to think we are. As much as I wish I didn't think that I also know that you can't help how you can feel. Caring for others can be my best and worst quality at the same time. I think that I cared too much about him from the beginning and because of this never wanted to see him hurt or disappoint him yet disregarded my own feelings.
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I think a lot of people require that period of separation with little or no contact to move forward and repair some of their heart. The time varies from person to person. Some people don't seem to need it, but I know I do. My ex and I didn't talk for six months after our break-up, but now we're friends. We just needed to forge ahead in our own lives first, and find who we were apart before we could be friends with out trudging up old feelings. So for both of you I would recommend giving them space for a while. It might be a long while. But if after a while you feel like dropping them a line casually to see if they want to chat, I say go for it. Might as well try!Comment
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Maybe he will write when he is comfortable again.Comment
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