Things people not in an LDR don't seem to understand...

[srigg009]

Where are you and your SO?

He's in Florida and I'm in Virginia, we've been actually together once so far for a week, so I'm hoping for another visit SOON!

[Hildy]

I think that that's more of a couples versus single's thing. I know a lot of people in CDR's that don't go out and party as much as they used to because they're spending time with their SO. The thing is, I was used to spending so much time with Andrew before he left for China that partially I had to take on a single mentality when he left. I don't mean that I went out and tried to pick up every guy at the club, or even danced with guys, but instead I spent a lot of time with my girl friends, trying to keep my mind off of the fact that Andrew wasn't there. Of course, I would always make sure that I was home in time to talk to him on Skype, but still, I did go out more when he was away. Now that he's home again, I am not going out as much, I want to spend time with him, and it's much better spending time with him while cuddling on the couch, maybe drinking a glass of wine with him, and falling asleep together than it is going out and getting plastered and then stumbling in and wondering how either one of us got into my bed the next morning.

The one thing that does bother me that I think that most people in CDR's don't understand is the commitment and trust that has to come with a LDR. I had so many people telling me "Why are you staying with him, do you really think he's being faithful to you, he's all the way in China, talk about different area codes." It really irritated me, because I did trust him, and I knew he was committed to me. People in CDR's are so reliant on the physical aspect of the relationship that I feel like the miss out on the emotional and mental connection that we in LDR's have to rely on. It's a lot easier to trust someone who you know intimately on an emotional and mental level than it is to trust someone who you're with partially because they're "good in bed".

I completely agree with you.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

For me, I've had a lot of support for the most part, but I guess it's because almost all my family and friends had known my SO before we became a couple and before we went LD. For years, they'd been telling us to go out because we're so perfect for each other and that it was painfully obvious that we liked each other. But, we have had some naysayers. People have told us both straight up that we're going to fail because we're LD. Bullshit. We're together almost 13 months now and we're doing better than ever! It's very tough because my SO is extremely busy when he's up at school. His floor that he lives on is "special interest house", so it's like a community in itself and he has to pay membership dues to stay there. He has mandatory meetings once a week he has to go to and he needs to go to a lot of the events they host in order to retain his membership. I'm also in college, but not nearly as busy as he is because I live at home and commute to my school. I find myself sitting around a lot waiting for him to come online so we can either talk on FB chat or I'll have my phone with me all the time in case he texts me. My friends give me nothing but respect because they say they could never handle what we go through for one another. They always get happy when he texts me when we're hanging out because they know how happy it makes me. When I tell them I either got a phone call or a Skype chat the previous night, they are so happy because they know we only get to really talk about once a month. People think we're crazy and wonder how we do that...we just do. I guess we're just used to it, and we can handle it. I do feel like I miss out on things because of my LDR, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I'm glad I have my love and that we can experience this together because it's brought us so much closer, we don't ever take each other for granted and we cherish the time we do get to spend together. Our trust is as strong as can be, too.

[11MikesGirl21]

I got another thing: My own father doesn't understand it. I guess because he's never done the long distance thing so he's not sure it's going to work out. He'd like it to because he wants me to be happy, but at the same time when it became apparent that we were going to be LDR his only question was "Are you guys going to see other people or stay together?" My only answer was, "No, and we're staying together." and then he asked, "Well how are guys gunna know?" my only answer was, "Basically if it is okay to do now, it still won't be okay. And we'll talk and stuff we'll be fine." My dad then went on to ask my boyfriend the same questions..just with more of a "are you going to sleep with some other chick while my daughter's gone" tone.

But even with his lack of understanding, he's still just wants me to be happy.

[London-FortCollins]

The thing I dont understand is the people that accuse you of things like "Why are you planning your life around him?" "using all your annual leave for him?" "Spending so much money on phone calls/flight?" etcetcetc...

Umm - your telling me in a CDR (especially if you live together) you dont have a routine or date nights that you "plan your life around"?

Your telling me you dont take trips together or pull sickies to spend the day in bed?

You dont spend money on dates, rent, trains or buses across town, gifts for each other?

I mean seriously....wtf?

[HollzHeartsChris]

I got another thing: My own father doesn't understand it. I guess because he's never done the long distance thing so he's not sure it's going to work out. He'd like it to because he wants me to be happy, but at the same time when it became apparent that we were going to be LDR his only question was "Are you guys going to see other people or stay together?" My only answer was, "No, and we're staying together." and then he asked, "Well how are guys gunna know?" my only answer was, "Basically if it is okay to do now, it still won't be okay. And we'll talk and stuff we'll be fine." My dad then went on to ask my boyfriend the same questions..just with more of a "are you going to sleep with some other chick while my daughter's gone" tone.

But even with his lack of understanding, he's still just wants me to be happy.

This.

I can tell you now, if my father knew, he'd be pretty much the same.

[srigg009]

The thing I dont understand is the people that accuse you of things like "Why are you planning your life around him?" "using all your annual leave for him?" "Spending so much money on phone calls/flight?" etcetcetc...

Umm - your telling me in a CDR (especially if you live together) you dont have a routine or date nights that you "plan your life around"?

Your telling me you dont take trips together or pull sickies to spend the day in bed?

You dont spend money on dates, rent, trains or buses across town, gifts for each other?

I mean seriously....wtf?

I feel like a lot of people don't understand or don't want to be part of a true commitment to someone. I don't put him before my family but he is one of my priorities. If something doesn't seem right I'm gonna do whatever I have to to get in touch with him/see him. I also feel like in today's world you kind of have to plan your life out, whether its day by day or year by year. If you don't do some kind of planning, life will get chaotic. People in CDR have the ability to do things spontaneously, to just say "hey Im gonna come over tonight", or "hey wanna go on a date?", etc. In a LDR, I think we are on a bit more of a schedule than people in a CDR are.

[11MikesGirl21]

This.

I can tell you now, if my father knew, he'd be pretty much the same.

We started out CD. So my dad knows him. My SO lived with us this summer for 3 months. So it's slightly better in that he knows about him and likes him, but still my father doesn't get it all the time.