Not feeling understood or supported

[Kwala]

Hi, I've just joined this forum and I'm really grateful to be part of a community of people who understand the difficulties of LDRs. I recently met my SO after two years of friendship leading into relationship - a meeting that was wonderful in all sorts of ways!

I've got a couple of questions about this experience and I would like to know if these are common experiences:

1. When I came home from overseas, I automatically expected my friends and family to be enthusiastic about my relationship. Instead, I got a lot of underwhelming responses. It's almost like no-one can really understand that this relationship is worth pursuing for me. No-one seems to really be interested to ask me much about it. Even my therapist has kind of dismissed it as a symptom of my classic avoidant/ambivalent attachment style and hasn't asked me much about it. My SO's therapist on the other hand was in a LDR for two years before marrying her own SO, so she understands and is very enthusiastic about the quality of our relationship. Is this general lack of understanding and support a common experience out there?

2. My SO and I were blown away by the quality of our sexual connection, and we were thinking that perhaps our experience was something unique to LDRs with a long build-up - in our case, two years of emotional and erotic intimacy followed by the freshness of physically touching and exploring each other. Did anyone else experience this in their own LDR?

Kwala

[hxcbreakdance]

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't believe LDRs work and they don't mind telling you. I think it's just something you have to get used to and hopefully soon they will come around. Many people just think distance means a relationship won't work but they are very wrong!

[hdehart]

The lack of understanding is definitely something that comes with the territory. My stepparents outright don't like it and are not afraid to tell me in the slightest. Things like "he isn't real" and "it's not dating unless you're actually going out on dates." My parents aren't as verbal, but when I go to my mom for advice she just sort of blows it off.
It's hard for people to understand LDR until they've been in one. That's what makes this community so wonderful.

I'm glad things went well (:
Don't stress too much about other people. They won't get it. Just keep working with your SO and prove to them that it's worth it.

[HollzHeartsChris]

The lack of support I've found that people are willing to show towards LDRs is overwhelming. My parents are very much against the idea, which is why I keep my relationship a secret, and it's why I only tell a select few about my SO. It's why I joined these forums when I found them, because I've found far more support than anywhere else. People just judge LDRs too quickly, and they cannot know what it feels like to be in one until they've experienced it themselves. I wouldn't take people's opinions to heart too much for that very reason.

[books]

When I came home from overseas, I automatically expected my friends and family to be enthusiastic about my relationship. Instead, I got a lot of underwhelming responses. It's almost like no-one can really understand that this relationship is worth pursuing for me. No-one seems to really be interested to ask me much about it.

I can definitely relate. I came home from living overseas in January (where I met my SO) and was so excited to tell my family/friends that I had met this amazing person, I was completely in love, and I wanted a future with him. Pretty much, no one believed I was serious, or that this would last. The one person who was very supportive of me from the start was my old supervisor (who's more like a friend). She's just incredibly open minded which I think comes from having lived abroad for so long.

I think in the beginning I was searching for hope that my LDR could work out. Now, I am sure it can...we both want it to and it's not easy but I really believe it is worth it. Having said that, I really do not pay attention to what others say. They can support me or not, it will have no effect on my relationship with my SO.

[Minerva]

There seems to be a general perception out there that LDRs aren't real relationships, or that only emotionally avoidant people get into them. I'm lucky that my friends and (most of) my family support my relationship. I think it's because they can see I'm happier than I've ever been. It also helps that many of my friendships are long distance as well -- I have friends scattered all over the world. So my LD friends definitely get my LDR!

I haven't told my mom yet, and I'm dreading it. We live together, and she's a negative person. She's actually met my SO and likes him a great deal, though, so I'm hopeful she won't try to put roadblocks up or poison the relationship. We shall see when he comes for his visit and we tell her about us.

As far as the sex goes, OH YES. Best sex I've ever had. Build up intimacy over a few years and combine that with never being able to touch, and it's explosive. Took me by surprise because I was pretty much frigid before we got together -- HAPPILY SURPRISED, heh.

[Kwala]

Thanks everyone for your support! After being home for a few weeks now after meeting my SO, I finally feel understood for the first time.

I think in the beginning I was searching for hope that my LDR could work out. Now, I am sure it can...we both want it to and it's not easy but I really believe it is worth it. Having said that, I really do not pay attention to what others say. They can support me or not, it will have no effect on my relationship with my SO.

For me, I think it's that I'm worried that people around me are seeing things more clearly than I am. In other words, I've lost faith in myself to determine what is best for me. That's a sad thing to write out, but it's the truth. I need to have faith in my own decision here, and I don't really need to justify it to those around me if they can't empathise with me and/or show enough interest to ask me about the relationship.

As far as the sex goes, OH YES. Best sex I've ever had. Build up intimacy over a few years and combine that with never being able to touch, and it's explosive. Took me by surprise because I was pretty much frigid before we got together -- HAPPILY SURPRISED, heh.

I think this really needs to be studied or talked about! I think some LDRs present a really novel situation that isn't replicated elsewhere i.e. the opportunity to combine all the best aspects of relationship in one potent phase.

[Zephii]

Yes and yes!

What part of Oz are you from? I'm heading home in like two weeks and I'm a Sydneysider.

Welcome to the forums

[bluishskin]

For some people LDR is a strange thing that should be avoided, and that's because they understand nothing much about it. They tend (or prefer?) to see the negative sides of it, whereas actually there are positive sides too, just like a CDR. I'm so thankful that my family supports my LDR, they give useful advises and they do what they can to help me.
Don't worry too much about how people react towards your relationship, they just need time to actually see that LDRs can work. Take time to determine what's best for you as it's not something that comes up in a day or two. Once you know what's best for you (including this LDR), then go for it.
Welcome to LFAD and good luck!

[Kwala]

Yes and yes!

What part of Oz are you from? I'm heading home in like two weeks and I'm a Sydneysider.

Welcome to the forums

Thanks Zephii I'm a Melburnian. Love your city, and I love my city too!

And thanks Bluishskin for your feedback too. LDR is quite a challenge, but not without its joys.