In need of some advice....

[AsianRawr!]

To help everyone out and what not, I will catch you on how my SO and I met. It was actually on a video game and at the time we were together for about one to two months before she cheated on me, this was in '07. It was not until December of 2009 that I had actually seen her again and we got together again from there. and that is basically how we met.

Now onto the dilemma that I am having, recently we both had gone back to the game and I've noticed that she never wakes up until the early afternoon now.... I didn't suspect anything at first but earlier today, she got a tad bit too jealous because I gave a girl a compliment, not a perverted one or anything but like 'Your avatar is cute'. I was frankly upset that she was getting jealous over me giving a girl a compliment when I give her one everyday.... Anyway, she and I were on the phone until around midnight ,my time, which was 10 for her and she said would call me back because she had to cook for her younger siblings.

However, I look on there about 15 minutes and BAM! She's on there and active but apparently wouldn't talk to me. I actually recently woke up because I have a little cold and noticed that she didn't bother to even call me once when she usually would call me two times per night before she would go to bed. So, I called her and guess what? She was still awake at 6 AM my time! and so I was thinking 'why is she still up?', pretty soon I looked at the game lo and behold, she was on the game not even 10 minutes ago at the time! So I asked her on the phone 'You're just now going to sleep aren't you?' she tells me 'yeah, I was...so?'. I'm just wondering if it is sad if your SO would much rather play a game than call you at all.

I know I'm not over reacting or anything since I have only told you what has happened since I have yet to do anything on this matter but can anyone help me on what I should do now because it just kinda hurts right now thinking about how she would much rather play a game than call me at all. Now if you tell me 'she probably forgot to call you tonight' or something then I will say this. She ALREADY KNEW that she was suppose to call me after she was done but instead she went onto the game we play.

[uniquefem]

well... you should ask her whats going on, why she didn't call you and prefer to play the game. That's the best thing i could suggest... communicate it.. because in LDR she doesn't know that this is bothering you unless you say it.


Good luck

[Minerva]

Both my SO and I have issues with hyperfocus. I have severe ADHD and mild Aspergers, both of which are known to have hyperfocus as a symptom. What this means is I can sit down at a game and play 12 hours or more straight. I might not eat or drink, and I rush to the bathroom as fast as I can to get back to the game. To anyone on the outside looking in, it seems obsessive. But to me, the time passes so quickly I'm usually shocked when I realize how much time has passed. Add into that my Aspie obsession of reaching goals, and games like RPGs are complete time-sucks for me.

My SO gets sucked in too. I know he loves me and wants to talk to me, but often "give me 10 minutes and I'll be right back with you" turns into an hour or more. I can't get too upset with him because I understand, and if I was currently playing an RPG, that might be me ditching him to play a game (not on purpose of course).

I'm not saying she's ADHD or has Asperger's, but it does sound like there's some obsession going on. It really reads like something I might do. Staying up all night and ignoring loved ones is obsession. She needs to step back. The thing is, if she's having a lot of fun, she may not want to, and will resist and resent you asking her to. Like with any other obsession/addiction, she has to accept it's a problem before she'll be willing to cut back.

Good luck.

[AsianRawr!]

Wow! Two replies already! I must say both are great in helping me figure out what I should do.

well... you should ask her whats going on, why she didn't call you and prefer to play the game. That's the best thing i could suggest... communicate it.. because in LDR she doesn't know that this is bothering you unless you say it.


Good luck

I actually asked her that when I called her since it went call>asked why she was still up> Checked the game> Asked 'Why were you up playing the game?'> No Answer.


@Minerva; quote is too long to put so I shall put this! Thing is, we were fine for at least a year without playing the game. However, I got curious to see if my account was still there ,and it was, so it showed when I last got on when I simply checked to see if it was there. Not even a day later, she somehow knows that I was on there and creates an account again and this happens. I'm worried for her and all but, this along with the issue that happened the day before. It's like its pushing me away from her and just kinda makes me not want to care.

[lucybelle]

Tell her you feel like she's pushing you away. You all need to communicate more. My SO was semi obsessed with a TV show that he somehow downloaded ALL the episodes onto his computer. It was the first thing he did every morning and the last thing he did at night. I finally told him that I couldn't stand it and I didn't want him to watch more than 1 hour a day. I don't think that's unreasonable. Talk to her and tell her she needs to cut back. Especially if it's hurting your relationship.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'll admit I have an obsession with video games and sometimes it can get out of hand. I used to play a game called Shaiya (which is similar to World of Warcraft in a number of years) for hours on end, without realising I was neglecting my loved ones, friends and schoolwork. In the end, it got too ridiculous and I forced myself to stop playing. I can still get too immersed if I'm not careful, but after talking with my loved ones, I've managed to help kick the habit somewhat. Tell your SO how you feel and talk more. It's going to be the only way to solve the problem and help kick her habit if obsession is the root of the problem. She may not want to stop, but if she doesn't, it's going to put a strain on things in her life. You need to explain that much to her.

[folclor]

hey, my boyfriend did it too. I've done it before. It's called dating a gamer. It's not about obsession and, like Minerva said, if you're really into it you don't even notice when the hours fly by. It can be frustrating for the person at the other end, sure, but...really just chill and it'll be okay eventually.

[AsianRawr!]

hey, my boyfriend did it too. I've done it before. It's called dating a gamer. It's not about obsession and, like Minerva said, if you're really into it you don't even notice when the hours fly by. It can be frustrating for the person at the other end, sure, but...really just chill and it'll be okay eventually.

That sounds more like an insult than an attempt to help. I already know what it is like to date a gamer since I am one myself and you don't call staying up for hours on end playing a game not once bothering to do anything else, not obsessed? Then I would have no idea on what you would call obsession. This has been going on for the past 2-3 weeks now and its just now bugged me to the edge to ask for advice on this matter. I've also been 'chill' as you have said but it did nothing to help the situation at all.

[Ms.Justine]

Ahh communication is key, you should ask her what's going on because there is a reason why she is doing this. Perhaps she has a game addiction?