Texting addiction?

[NaNi]

It happened the first time I was in New Zealand and it happened the second time as well. My SO always felt the need to constantly check her phone. CONSTANTLY. If there was a text message waiting for her she would reply to it right away. Of course that was the start of a texting conversation with the other person. I told her that she doesn't have to reply to a simple "night!" text, but her reply was "no, no, I have to!!!" and our alone time was ruined. We actually had a pretty big fight because of this. I told her how it makes me feel whenever she pulls out her phone, even though we're in the middle of talking or kissing. Why is her phone so important? We see each other once a year - shouldn't our time together be more important than a text message? It didn't seem like it. Not for the first few weeks anyway. She wouldn't leave her phone at home because someone might "try to contact" her. She wouldn't even put her phone in the bag - it had to be in her jeans pocket. And of course she would never turn it off. It annoyed me. It still does.

We're good right now and very happy, but I had to post a thread about this issue because it keeps popping up whenever we're together or even during a Skype date. A phone can't be that important - right? What about couple time? Is this what I have to look forward to? Her texting in bed and me waiting for some attention? It's good on some days, but it can be really bad on others. Is somebody in the same situation as me? Help?

[hxcbreakdance]

I know how you feel, my SO is majorly into texting (so am I but not as much!) but more recently he hasn't been quite so attached to his phone. You're definitely not alone in this, sooo many people are addicted to their phones! Have you ever flat out said that it hurts your feelings when the phone seems more important than you? I know when I told my SO that he decreased his phone usage around me.

[NaNi]

I know how you feel, my SO is majorly into texting (so am I but not as much!) but more recently he hasn't been quite so attached to his phone. You're definitely not alone in this, sooo many people are addicted to their phones! Have you ever flat out said that it hurts your feelings when the phone seems more important than you? I know when I told my SO that he decreased his phone usage around me.

I did, but it only caused an argument because she said that she's not texting too much. It was mostly her mom texting her. It just got so annoying. She did tell me that she would change things though. I don't know when and how, but I'll see what happens. I just know that I can't continue it like it is.

[hxcbreakdance]

Maybe she does not realize she texts as much as she does? I'm sure she means it when she says things will change, in the past when my SO said that it worked but sometimes it took a while and I usually had to remind him a good few times before he actually did make a change, obviously when it was brought up though it usually caused an argument so it's kind of tough position to be in.

[JennyRW]

I have a funny idea, if you are with her and she starts texting in front of you, you ca take your phonne and text her what you where saying in that moment, like continuing the conversation that you had but by texts, if she says something about it you just answear that like that is the only way to get her atention you decided to do it hehehe
You know do it like a joke, not to fight, just to make fun of her addiction (I never tried it but it's something that came to my mind)

And also show her these videos (these are made by a jewish group, but the message is good for every religion and culture, it is just about the fact that celphones absorves so much our attention that we forget about the ones that we have near to us. It is a campaing called "disconnect to connect):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w31Xsq0uxA&NR=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XiS...&feature=share

[BoogleBee]

Maybe she does not realize she texts as much as she does? I'm sure she means it when she says things will change, in the past when my SO said that it worked but sometimes it took a while and I usually had to remind him a good few times before he actually did make a change, obviously when it was brought up though it usually caused an argument so it's kind of tough position to be in.

I think this is good. I am the SO in question here btw.
I actually thought I had improved a lot this visit, like I didn't have my phone on me 24/7, or maybe I did?...
The reason I had my phone in my pocket was because it was a new touch screen phone and I didn't have my usual case that I put it in and I didn't want to put it straight in my bag with my keys and anything that could scratch it.

I suppose I did check it too often to see if anyone had texted, but I didn't start a text conversation myself at all. I only texted my friends when there was something they were asking, i.e. about meeting to get my friends birthday present, giving a friend my other friends cell number when she needed it etc. But maybe I did sometimes have conversations without realising how often it was? I do know that I texted my mum a bit too much. I tended to reply to every text she sent which probably wasn't necessary.

But anyway I have apologised and told my SO I do really want to work on it,because my phone is definitely not more important than her. At all. I guess I felt like I was doing better but perhaps I wasn't. But am working on it. thanks for responses!

[lucybelle]

I was raised sans-technology. My mom hates it. We weren't allowed TV, cable, video games, phones, computer games, etc. So I'm used to not watching TV a lot or constantly being on the phone. My SO LOOOVVVEEESS TV. We decided to make a set of rules. I'm okay watching a bit of TV (well really he watches it and I just snuggle! haha), but the TV is never turned on during dinner time (or any meal time). Perhaps you guys could do something like that? During skype, the phone goes off. When you're together and out for dinner, phone is off. Other times (walking to stores, shopping, etc) the phone can be on.

But it looks like the two of you have already worked through it pretty well Good luck!

[NaNi]

Perhaps you guys could do something like that? During skype, the phone goes off. When you're together and out for dinner, phone is off. Other times (walking to stores, shopping, etc) the phone can be on.

She doesn't want to turn her phone off. She could miss out on something. But she did say she wants to change things, so maybe she can just put the phone in the bag and NOT look at it while we're having our alone time.

[Zephii]

Rules are always good.

I'm pretty attached to my phone. Sometimes I'll hear it's jingle and someone will be talking to me and I'll be really itchy to pick it up and look... most of the time I manage to keep my manners until there's a break in the conversation. But I dunno, it's nice to feel popular. And texting can be fun... besides... It might be my SO texting! And that's the most exciting thing of all haha.

But seriously, she's aware and trying and that's good Sometimes you might just need to put on your cute face and tell her "Right now I just want to be a Booglebee hog, I want you all to myself!" Remind her without saying "you're doing something wrong again"

Boogle - I know the itch haha. It's hard to resist.
Look up "<your phone type> scratch test" on youtube. Most if not all smartphones are so scratch resistant it's amazing. I throw mine in my handbag or where ever without a worry.
Also, it's totally ok to fib a little in texts "I'm going to bed now" is more or less synonomous with "I'm going to go have sex now". There are plenty of polite ways to cut a conversation short if it's not a meaningful one, maybe just practice some of them. You'll be surprised how supportive people are of a simple "I'm going to go be a good girlfriend now" (This is what I say to people when Obi gets home and I want to stop talking to them on msn) People understand that your girlfriend is going to come first. Most people think it's a beautiful thing - as long as you're there for them at other times.

---------- Post added at 10:08 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:06 AM ----------

She doesn't want to turn her phone off. She could miss out on something. But she did say she wants to change things, so maybe she can just put the phone in the bag and NOT look at it while we're having our alone time.

I can't blame her for that. I don't turn mine off ever either But putting it on silent works. Then when she does answer the text "sorry didn't hear my phone" becomes a valid excuse

[Zephii]

She doesn't want to turn her phone off. She could miss out on something. But she did say she wants to change things, so maybe she can just put the phone in the bag and NOT look at it while we're having our alone time.

I can't blame her for that. I don't turn mine off ever either But putting it on silent works. Then when she does answer the text "sorry didn't hear my phone" becomes a valid excuse

[hxcbreakdance]

But putting it on silent works. Then when she does answer the text "sorry didn't hear my phone" becomes a valid excuse

I like that idea, I even need to do that sometimes!

[11MikesGirl21]

My boyfriend and I are both horrible about it when we're together. We've cut back from when we first got together. What got us both to cut down was one of us texting the other person saying that "texting is rude" with a winkie face or something. That usually got us to put the phone down. When we were CD we were both in New York for school and we were each 8 hours from home so our families would sometimes contact us through our phones so we always had our phones on for that purpose.

Before we went LD we were pretty good about giving each other our full attention. We would only text back if the text was important or had to be addressed quickly. If we were just hanging out in the same room texting other people conversationally was fine, but if we were actually out together doing something, or spending time together at home texting wasn't. We do however text each other at dinner if we want to say something but it shouldn't be said out loud.

If you keep at it your SO should come around.

[BoogleBee]

Hey guys! Thanks for all the advice

Zephii I tried to look that up,but there isn't one on youtube for my phone but I think you are right . I have the little case for it now anyway, it was at my house which is not where we were staying when Natalie was here.

The silent thing I usually do, so that's good. My friends over time don't really text me much anymore because I have become one of the slowest ones to text back! haha.

I like Lucybelle's ideas. I could turn the phone off, or just leave it on silent and away from me when we are doing something or having a skype date.

Thanks!