"We need to talk"

[Paxman40L]

"We need to talk" were the last words my SO said to me tonight when we finished our skype session. I must say I really hate those four words!! I'm sitting here freaking out and she wouldn't tell me what it's about. I asked if it was bad and she said "depends on how you look at it" Why must people beat around the bush...please, tell us straight up. We would really appreciate it. Sorry..I just had to rant.

[Miramaid]

you said she said it AFTER you talked? So she did not say it then? Why didn't you continue talking?
Do not freak out just yet. It is not a break-up. She probably just has concerns that she wants to address. Hope you can listen to her and hear her and hope she can do the same and you guys will figure things out

[Paxman40L]

It was the last thing she said to me. She was about to head off to a party. I asked if we could talk about it because I don't like being left with that and not discussing it. Hopefully it is just some concerns.

[11MikesGirl21]

My SO and I try to avoid that phrase if we can. It makes both of us crazy. But I can say that when we do use it; it's never been something bad. We just discuss something that has been bugging us or that we feel is important to bring up.

[Haley53]

I have such a negative and horrible association around those words, despite never having them used "on" me in a negative light. :/ I would guess it's more that she has some concerns or issues she wants to address, if anything negative at all; I know people who have used those words to discuss something serious but not negative.

I don't think it was entirely fair of her to leave you with them, or with telling you that it depends on how you look at it, essentially, but then, it's never been my personal style to leave people hanging like that; if I'm going to drop a we-need-to-talk bomb, I'll say what we need to talk about and I'll bring it up when we have the time to do so. Perhaps this is something you could bring up with your partner and ask if she can honour it from here on out. But I would try not to worry too much. Try and keep your mind off of it until the next chance you'll have to talk.

[Sharon Q]

My SO said that to me shortly after he moved, It was just him concerned about how I was acting and that he was getting stressed because of it. " We need to talk " Is not the best phrase, and I to hate it, because it makes me nervous. However I try not to over react. Most likely it sounds like she just wants to talk to you about her needs and maybe about you being to concerned about her going out to parties and stuff.

At least thats what I got from it. I may be wrong, but try not to get upset. Just wait and see what she wants to talk about, don't freak out right now, try and watch tv and relax for a bit.

[nic&matt]

The worst thing you can do is worry. If she's concerned about your reactions, and you overreact to this, is just pushes her further. Be open for listening, for discussing, and fixing. It's definitely not a guarantee that anything major will happen.
Best of luck though whichever way it goes and keep us updated

[kiara_silver]

Im guilty of doing this to my SO. I get worries sometimes about things my familys said to me or not being able to meet or just little issues, and i'll leave him a message if he isn't on saying we need to talk. Or sometimes hes on but he tells me hes about to go out and then i'll tell him i need to talk to him, and he wants me to say it now, but i wont till he has more time, think that annoys him, but i like to know its not going to be a rushed convo. So i've done this alot throughout our relationship and we always gotten through it and it was never anything we couldn't work out. So i say relax, calm down and don't panic until you know the details. Hope all goes well.

[Kerry]

these words are very scary I know! I don't ever want my bf to say them to me and we've talked about avoiding them.

[Paxman40L]

well..we talked last night till 5 AM my time and we talked today and are about to talk in a little bit...if she picks up her phone. Anyway, she was telling me that she doesn't think
she is strong enough (I put that in another post). She doesn't know how much longer she can deal with the distance even though we haven't even reached the two month mark. As of right now I don't expect us to make it past the visit I planned for the 24th. We are going to talk and see how we can deal with this. I've told her that I don't want this to end..partly because I've invested too much of myself into something that I believe can be really beautiful (not to mention amazing). At times I feel she is being really pessimistic. I've tried helping her figure out her issues (school, music, teachers, idiot friends)..not to mention the people at her school..They have been telling her to break up with me because it isn't worth it if she isn't "getting any". Talk about shallow. I honestly have no idea how to deal with it. I've used every bit of info and brains to try to make her not give up right away. If it comes down to it...we will break up and that's it...I REALLY don't want that to happen. She says that she doesn't see the distance closing anytime soon..with me being in my last year of undergrad and looking at grad schools and her being in her first year of undergrad. I have looked at schools on the west coast..but it wouldn't be a good career move for me because all of my musical connections are in NYC. I've told her that and she understands. She says if couples are in it for the long run..they usually end up breaking up or getting married. I asked why she was looking so far into the future. Why can't we just deal with the hand we were dealt and make the most of it. Once again... I really do not want this to end. meh....