Being strong

[Paxman40L]

Hey Everybody,

I just finished talking with my girlfriend and she was telling me that she isn't sure if she can continue the long distance (2 months next Saturday) I know the relationship hasn't been that long..but LDRs are all she has been in. This relationship being the farthest. She told me that she isn't strong enough. We both have these feelings for each other and we both decided that we wanted to go for an LDR even though the odds are against us. Distance, Family...all that stuff. I really don't know what to tell her about the being strong part. She says that she always backs out because she doesn't know if she can handle it. I told her "The only way to know if you are strong enough is to just bite the bullet and see how far you can get." That was the advice I was told and I still follow it to this day. I feel awful that I can't help her out even more. I just want to fly to California and just give her a hug and say that everything is going to be OK. I am going to be seeing her next Saturday and we are both very much looking forward to it. She then said that she might not be able to handle feeling awesome for 4 days and then going back to feeling like crap. I've run out of things to tell her. I've been searching this website for the perfect answer, but I know I won't find it...because the only answer that would mean anything comes from the heart. If anyone has any advice on how to go about calming her down..please help me out.

Thanks everyone.

[Emmahyfryd]

Hey there xx

I believe that LDR relationships DO work on the foundation of trust, dedication and love...I know how your girlfriend may feel about the meet up thing as it was my number one worry too...meeting for that short time then going back and longing for more, and missing the person immensly :/

All I can recommend to you is spending time together, dont think about the distance, have a laugh and a chat and relive the reasons why you are together.

If you dont already, skype, webcam or voice chat, I strongly recommend omgpop.com for games and things...just hearing eachother laugh and swerving away from the seriousness of it all is enough.

Theres not much more advice I can give...just spend time with one another and try not to be too serious about it. There is a time for everything and she may have all these worries and questions going round in here head, stressing her out with more questions and worries wont help.

2months is, I would say...is the time where you think ''is the relationship worth the sacrifice''...even if there is a temporary break or split (common in alot of LDR's), most couples find there way back to one another because so simply cant ignore such feelings.

So just think about whats ahead! Seeing eachother spending time together, plan! Get excited! Dont think about goodbyes just yet.

And when its time to say goodbye...dont. smile and say, I'll chat to you tomorrow/tonight xx

I also strongly reccommend the Activities page on here! Things like watching movies and ordering food together can be fun...there still is alot you can do despite the distance

[Lina]

Exactly 3 days ago I told my SO the same things she told you. I felt I'm not strong enough and that I can't keep going with the LD plus families' stuff and so on. I have these moments now and then, when I lose all hope and feel simply powerless. But I try so hard to remind myself that it is worth it. If I kicked it all aside just to make my life easier, what would I gain? Nothing, just being single and longing for my SO ofc. Anyway, the point in this is that it is normal to lose hope at times, LDRs are roller coasters.

Now, what you could do is to be present in her life as much as distance allows you to. For example, my SO decided to make several videos for me as often as possible, each with a random subject or just silly moments, lol, to brighten my day and make me feel he's close to me Also taking pictures around the place you live and/or recording footage of the area then put it all together and e-mail everything to her, this will give her the feeling that she's with you since she'll get to know your surroundings.

Wish you best of luck

[nic&matt]

Lina is absolutely right. Ask her what she'll gain from quitting the relationship early.
My SO and I have a very, very, VERY hard time with this. We know we still have about another 5-6 years before any chance of being together. We tell eachother when one of us gets edgy to "take it one trip at a time". You don't need to know how it will ultimately end. Knowing that in ____ days you'll see them is more than enough for the time being. Just convincing her too how much you love her and how you'll wait as long as it takes goes much further than you think...
Tell her to at least hang in there until Saturday.
One trip at a time.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I agree with the other posters above. LDRs are hard to overcome, but with strength and perseverance, you can overcome it. If your feelings for each other are strong, and you want to make the future work for you both so that you can be together, if you want to able to live with your SO in the future, then you'll fight for it with everything you have. Know that a couple in an LDR won't always be LD and that someday, one of you will move so that you can be with the other. The end rewards and the satisfaction that you'll both gain from being able to be together and overcome the distance will be immense and are surely worth fighting for.

Just a quick question. Have you noticed the daisypath signatures at the bottom of people's posts that count down to a couple's next anniversary yet, like in mine? If you have then you'll probably notice that people have been in LDRs for seemingly long periods of time: several months, 1 year, 2 years....it's not impossible to keep an LDR alive We all have ups and downs in an LDR, we have moments of strength and moments of weakness, but it's what being in an LDR partially means. You can do it! Look at the Activites page on this website for ideas on what you both can do for one another and together, and check out the forums for other ideas. And if you need a little inspiration, check out the Quotes section of the website. They can offer you motivation and possibly advice. Don't dwell on the distance and the misery, and keep yourselves both busy