Things to tell people who don't understand?

[Sharon Q]

I was wondering if any one had good responses to the commonly asked questions we get from family or friends.
Some of the questions or comments we get can be negative or hurtful So I was wondering what responses would be best to give in this situation as I am very sarcastic when it comes to people asking questions like these or making hurtful unwanted comments.


Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there?

How come they haven't sent you anything yet?

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you?

Why don't you just find someone here?

How do you handle being alone all the time?

Aren't you afraid they will leave you?

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you?

( I got a comment from my mom after finding out that I got into the job corps. " I knew he wouldn't go with you haha " it took everything in me not to bitch her out. )


If you have anymore questions to add feel free to do so

[Rosebud]

When I get questions like those I tell the straight up truth, that's all there is to it. Of course I miss him, but we both have school to finish which is important and whenever one of us finishes first then we'll work around attempting to close the distance. We're also both still young adults so we're not in financial positions to just tear up our lives and move across the country either. We have been together for 2 years, so why would I give that up just for the "convenience" of having to join the dating pool of local folks, especially when that 2 years is built upon trust and respect and knowing we're secure in the relationship. That without being face to face we have to rely a lot on communication which is key in solving problems and understanding one another on an intimate level, and there are many options such as webcam and just regular snail mail that gives us other outlets in which to have contact.

But I don't lie to them either. I'm not going to pretend a LDR is a stroll in the park. Being alone all the time DOES suck and I know some people have straight up said they couldn't handle it. Well that's just fine, some people can't handle it and some people can. Do I tell folks it doesn't make me sad? No, I wouldn't lie about it, but after so long and with the hope of working toward being with someone you care about, it's something you learn to work with. Besides, it's not as though I have a million gentlemen callers right around the corners waiting for me to break up with him, so even if for whatever reason we did separate I would still be alone as I went through that not-so-easy process of "finding someone here".

[Kiara]

I simply smile when I hear my SO's name, and my eyes shine. That's enough to answer all these questions, and people understand

[kiara_silver]

Questions like these are hard. I hate the question, "What if he broke up with you?" like how am i supposed to answer that. You know they want you to say some answer like i'll be fine i'll get over him and move on, but seriously why ask? Want us to answer truthfully and say ill probably be devastated and cry for a few days then go and eat icecream and curl up in front of a feel good movie then cry again... i mean whats the point of those kind of questions?
I try to to always sound super confident though, idk, but with my family i feel they already look down on me so i cant be fully open. With mom when she asks if i miss him i say yes but i know i'll see him soon, truth but i dont go into how much i miss him. With questions about cheating i tell them no because i know i can trust him. just i take the questions and answer best i can.

[heylittlekrissy]

I try to answer everything as honestly as possible, and most of the time just tell them it's an interesting situation, being my first LDR and with a boy I've yet to meet in person, but he makes me happier than I've ever been, and that's what matters most to me.
It took me some time to open up about my relationship, as I wasn't sure how most people would respond to my LDR, or to be comfortable answering their questions, but I'm getting more and more comfortable with it by the day.

[blankita719]

Just going to share my own answers here since I've answered all of them at one point or another

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? Of course I miss him. But I just bought my house last year and for mortgage purposes I'm not able to sell my house just yet. He wants to wait until his son graduates high school before leaving as his son is 16 years old and would be difficult for him to move away now.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? We get each other little things during visits with each other - no need to waste money mailing something when we could save it for plane tickets to actually see each other.

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? Absolutely not - I've no reason not to trust him - not to mention I know his schedule down pat and he really, really wouldn't have time to cheat ;p

Why don't you just find someone here? I don't want anyone here. I'm in love with my best friend of over 14 years.

How do you handle being alone all the time? I'm not really alone. I'm a single parent raising a child, and I have a life filled with him, work, and great friends and family who all live here. Sure, I feel lonely but he's worth the waiting.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? It wouldn't matter if he lived here or there, I think everyone is afraid of their SO leaving them at one time or another. Personally, he has more of a fear of this with me that I do with him.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? I found an amazing website with all sorts of ideas of things for us us to do together We have one night a week we watch a tv show over the phone and skype with drinks in our hands is just like going to a bar but without all the super loud noise and smoke - we can talk and laugh and enjoy ourselves.

[Zephii]

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? We're working on it, but immigration is very complicated and expensive.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? - I've never gotten this question, but the only way someone would know he hadn't was if you'd complained about it, so... *shrug* "What makes you think he hasn't" would be my answer.

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? No. He masturbates far too much for him to be keeping up with another person as well. (Yes, this is usually my answer. I'm not kidding)

Why don't you just find someone here? We both tried and that didn't work. Now we're trying this instead.

How do you handle being alone all the time? I'm not alone all the time.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? No. He's already tried to replace me and failed. We're in this for life.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? If I told you, the amount of geekage might kill you. >.>


Seriously though, they don't understand because no one is helping them understand. Just answer as best you can. If they mock you, either stop spending time with them, or start breaking their faces.

[lucybelle]

Man I feel like I might be the only one who was never asked any of these questions. When I would say my SO lives in Costa Rica they'd just say "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

jajaja

Guess I got it easy!

[heylittlekrissy]

If they mock you, either stop spending time with them, or start breaking their faces.

That's the spirit! lol I like that answer

[Haley53]

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? Yes, of course we miss one another, and we do have plans for a future if our relationship progresses to that point, but at the moment, we're content with what we have. We're able to talk with one another and spend time with one another, albeit through a computer or over the phone, and we're content and happy with that. We won't be distance forever, if everything pans out, and we're still able to visit one another as often as our resources allow. We don't have a traditional relationship, no, but we work with what we have, because it's better to have it for the times that we do than not have it at all.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? N/A

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? No. For one, he's given me no reason not to trust him, and for another, I wouldn't be with someone I didn't trust; this goes for IRL and LD relationships.

Why don't you just find someone here? Put simply, I don't want anyone here. That's usually how I express it. Truth and long-winded answer is that I live in America yet have never been attracted to another American, beyond physically. But people tend not to understand that one, so I stick to telling them I don't want anyone here and sometimes that asking me that is like asking them why they don't find someone else who isn't this, this, or that (every couple has an area that could always be more convenient). :P

How do you handle being alone all the time? I'm not. I am able to speak with him via messenger, e-mail, FB, Skype, the phone, texting, etc. I'm also a student, a tutor, and will be getting a part-time job as well. I also spend time with my family, who are supportive of my relationship.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? No more afraid than anyone would be IRL. Sure, sometimes it's scary, the idea that they might find someone more convenient or who can be there as often or as little as they like, but in the end, the strength of a relationship is based on the two individuals involved, not on the distance between those individuals. Some people can't do distance, but obviously, my partner is not one of them.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? We have Skype "dates," which aren't traditional dates, but they're times we set aside for one another. We also play games together, or watch shows/movies, etc. or even listen to music. We participate in things together without going on "normal"/traditional dates.

That's generally how I answer those questions. Any others I answer with the same level of honesty. I often find that a calm and honest demeanor tends not to fuel the fire any.

[Kerry]

I've been lucky- I haven't been asked these kinds of questions. the ? I've been asked most often is- is it hard being apart. I'm actually kinda surprised no one has been negative!

[leonsfangirl]

I've had to answer all these questions too, plus one relating to our love life which i'll add at the bottom.

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? I miss him, its only natural too. He'll be moving here as soon as he can, i'd move there but i have children who have a good relationship with there father and i wont sacrifice that for my own needs.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? Because he doesn't need too, i'd rather he spent the money on keeping his phone paid so he can call me and buying a plane ticket so i can see him.

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? Not even a little, i trust him and he's given me no reason to doubt him plus he really doesn't have the time.

Why don't you just find someone here? Because i found someone there who's better suited to me than anybody here, my divorce is proof of that.

How do you handle being alone all the time? I sometimes FEEL lonely but i'm NOT alone, i have my children,my family and my friends. He may not be here physically but he's never far away when i need him.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? He's put up with alot from me over the past 3 years, he wont leave me now.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? The internet is a wonderful invention

I've also been asked this one repeatedly after they find out how long we can spend on the phone.

What do you talk about for hours on end? Anything and everything, we dont see what the other has been doing so we tell each other everything thats happened since the last time we spoke. Theres plenty to talk about when you have alot in common.

And one nosey friend asked me this and this was my exact response (i had a little beer in me)

How does your sex life work? We got phones,internet, hands and a wicked imagination. it's all good

[leonsfangirl]

I've had to answer all these questions too, plus one relating to our love life which i'll add at the bottom.

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? I miss him, its only natural too. He'll be moving here as soon as he can, i'd move there but i have children who have a good relationship with there father and i wont sacrifice that for my own needs.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? Because he doesn't need too, i'd rather he spent the money on keeping his phone paid so he can call me and buying a plane ticket so i can see him.

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? Not even a little, i trust him and he's given me no reason to doubt him plus he really doesn't have the time.

Why don't you just find someone here? Because i found someone there who's better suited to me than anybody here, my divorce is proof of that.

How do you handle being alone all the time? I sometimes FEEL lonely but i'm NOT alone, i have my children,my family and my friends. He may not be here physically but he's never far away when i need him.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? He's put up with alot from me over the past 3 years, he wont leave me now.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? The internet is a wonderful invention

I've also been asked this one repeatedly after they find out how long we can spend on the phone.

What do you talk about for hours on end? Anything and everything, we dont see what the other has been doing so we tell each other everything thats happened since the last time we spoke. Theres plenty to talk about when you have alot in common.

And one nosey friend asked me this and this was my exact response (i had a little beer in me)

How does your sex life work? We got phones,internet, hands and a wicked imagination. it's all good

[Dziubka]

I'm with lucybelle and Kerry.
The most negative I've gotten was "How much money have you blown on plane tickets so far?" and I told them I wasn't counting, because I'm sure they weren't counting how much they spend on their SOs as well *shrug*

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Don't you miss him/her why don't you just move there? My answer is because he chose to go to that college, and I chose to go the college I go to. I wouldn't go to a school just because my SO goes there. Plus, they don't have my major, and I love my school.

How come they haven't sent you anything yet? He sent me a Valentine's Day present, and it was beautiful! He doesn't normally send me things because it's tougher for him. He doesn't really have much cash at school and it's really tough to ship things from a dorm. Also, he can't really afford to pay for the postage.

Aren't you worried that he/she will cheat on you? I trust him more than anyone in the world, and I know him so well that I know he could never ever even think of it. He loves and respects me far too much.

Why don't you just find someone here? Because I don't want to. He was here when we first began dating, and when he comes home for breaks from school. He lives a mile away from me when he's home. I've wanted to be with him my entire life and I've only loved him my whole life, so why should I settle for someone closer because it's convenient, when I am with the love of my life.

How do you handle being alone all the time? Of course I get lonely, and I feel like I need him some days, but I have a great family and friends who help me through. I go to school, and I get involved in clubs, as well as spending time with my friends. I also have a very demanding major for school, so I have a lot of work to keep me busy. I pass the time by planning surprises for my love and preparing for trips to visit him.

Aren't you afraid they will leave you? Of course I am a little bit once in awhile, doesn't everyone worry about that, CD or not? I know he won't because he loves me so much, and he's my best friend, but everyone has that thought cross their head once in awhile in a relationship.

How can you go on dates if they aren't here with you? We don't. We talk on the phone maybe once or twice a week if we're lucky, and we text or FB chat every day. We Skype once in awhile too. We have our actual dates when we're together.


Also, both my SO and I have gotten this question from people, and it drives me up the wall..."Why do you even bother, because you'll fail anyway?" I always want to say to them "Fuck you. You have no idea what we're feeling and why we 'bother'. We love each other more than anything, and we've wanted to be a couple our whole lives. We make it work, and will one day be together, close distance, forever. Until that happens, we'll be together, but far apart."