We've hit that point where we have NOTHING to talk about.

[mouse411]

My boyfriend and I have recently hit this wall where we'll get on the phone and sit in painful silence for 45 minutes or longer (the first phone call like that was 2 hours!). We both make desperate attempts at conversation (the weather ect) to no avail. I'm not normally one to cuss, but this is scaring the shit out of me. Every time I get off the phone with him I wonder if we just don't have enough in common or something. Have any of you gone through this? And if you did, what did you do to get past this communication road-block? I don't think I can take another hour long phone call with absolutely nothing to say.

Thanks!

[Fyrestar]

Pardon the intrusion but how long have you known him? I have allot of ideas on what you can talk about and suggestions but some of this will completely depend on how long you've known him/ how you met, and what forms of communication you use.. ..

[jiynx]

I'm in the same boat. Only, when we finally find something to talk about, we usually get into an argument. Like today, I got all pretty for him on webcam. He got turned on, and phoned me and went into a different room so we could get things started (his friend is over). But instead of getting into it, we ended up fighting. We're in our silent stage right now. So.. I know how you're feeling girl. It feels like we're at that wall... I just want things to be back to their normal, peppy selves again.

Let's talk it out!

[mouse411]

I've known him for 8 months, and I'm totally open to any suggestions.
And I totally feel you jiynx, I just want things to go back to normal. I'm all for comfortable silence when you're with someone you love, but this is long, akward, almost physically painful silence lol. It's driving me crazy.

[Fyrestar]

Ok.. so what activities/interests do you share?

My SO is my best friend.. and knowing him for so long.. well I can feel your pain but when I feel it.. I do random crazy things..

such as.. Email: Random Quiz time

1)if you could change one thing in your life from your past what would it be?

2)if you could be in a movie... what is it? or what is the favorite movie ... all this depends on your relationship

3)if you go on any dream vacation.. where is it?
and why?

4)if you are religious.. you can send a scripture each day and discuss it..

5) i send poetry.. i know his favorite authors.. if you don't find out.. and hit the great www and send a poem by one.. and say.. here's how I analyzed this.. what are your thoughts?

6)I've sent him books and bought matching copies.. we discuss this sometimes..

7)I've sent books I've read.. so we can talk about them...

8) if you use facebook or twitter.. or some online media form.. - I post a video each day.. and a quote - usually on love, relationships, soul mates..

9)life.. what's going on in his? did he have a good day at work (mine hates talking about work - but i especially always ask how he is feeling on tour dates)

I'm hoping this may give you some ideas.. random quizes are good.. but you have to basically ask questions on aspects you don't know.. like favorite colors.. or do you like leather.. or favorite actor/actress.. etc.. find off the wall things.. is he allergic to anything.. these are things I've done.. and then you have something to chat about.. you can respond.. because you have to share what you've asked.. and you get to know each other even better...

childhood memories.. what's his favorite? what's his worst? why? how did he feel about it.. etc.. I'm sure you are following my train of thought now.. but this will keep things moving.

Good Luck..

[jiynx]

I've found going out with friends helps sometimes. I remember for a long time in our relationship, we would just sit at home on our computers and talk nonstop. Eventually, yeah, we ran out of things to talk about. So we decided to have a Saturday night out with our friends. And guess what? Sunday comes along and we're talking up a storm again. And not just about the night. One of us would tell the other about.. I dunno star wars (not actually... but for examples sake) and the other would be all "no way!! you like star wars? which is your fave?" and so on and so forth. Maybe you guys should try that? Making plans for yourself, or you and your friends to inspire conversation? I may try this again. Been a hermit lately lol.

[Fyrestar]

Yes.. you have to continue your life..

[mouse411]

Thanks fyrestar I'll give some of those a try.

I've been a hermit lately too, but it's mainly because I'm so busy with school and stuff, and all my friends are about the same. We went out the other night, but that was the first time we've seen each other in about a month. It did help the conversation for a short while. Maybe I just won't talk to him for a week, and then we'll have a whole weeks worth of stuff to talk about lol.

[jiynx]

Lol I wouldn't say shut him out. Just go out and do stuff and have a healthy balance of social life/SO life

[iloveacarpenter]

The good news is this happens to everyone! I really hate rutts like this-- its frustrating and confusing and painful. The thing that is best for my SO and I is not to sit in awkward, painful silence. Its annoying because you wait all day to talk to the person, but sometimes its best to just say goodnight. Like jiynx, it usually ends up in an arugement if we stay on the phone, so a short conversation to see how their day is and tell them 'I love you' will have to do.

If you don't like that idea, the question game is great! There are tons of websites with hundreds of questions. Yet, for people who have been LD for a while, the questions have all been answered multiple times. You could also try writing things down during the day that you plan to talk about. I know I always have something funny happen, but I can never remember by the time I'm on the phone with my SO!

Good luck! You guys will get through this rutt!

[Fyrestar]

It's a natural rut.. ever thought about "date" nights? go see the same movie and then discuss?.. but I agree.. awkward silence.. is no good.. you will get through this.

[kiara_silver]

Eh i had one of these days today actually. I just didn't know what to say or talk about. Were missing each other and just sitting staring at the screen was frustrating to me. I told him I didn't know what to say and so I was just going to get off. And he was so sweet said no, and started striking up a conversation about what we'll do together when i go visit him.
I been with my SO for over two years and i've had these days multiple times in our relationship, it passes after a day or two. Sometimes theres just nothing to talk about. I find coming up with Q's to ask, fun questions, hard, intimate, and kind really. And that helps because after that then things pick up again. Have you guys met in person yet? And how far away are you, if you haven't you can talk about that. What will you guys do together when there. Where will you go. ect. ect. I hate these silent moments, but in my own experience it passes. best of luck!

[JennyRW]

Ok.. so what activities/interests do you share?

My SO is my best friend.. and knowing him for so long.. well I can feel your pain but when I feel it.. I do random crazy things..

such as.. Email: Random Quiz time

1)if you could change one thing in your life from your past what would it be?

2)if you could be in a movie... what is it? or what is the favorite movie ... all this depends on your relationship

3)if you go on any dream vacation.. where is it?
and why?

4)if you are religious.. you can send a scripture each day and discuss it..

5) i send poetry.. i know his favorite authors.. if you don't find out.. and hit the great www and send a poem by one.. and say.. here's how I analyzed this.. what are your thoughts?

6)I've sent him books and bought matching copies.. we discuss this sometimes..

7)I've sent books I've read.. so we can talk about them...

8) if you use facebook or twitter.. or some online media form.. - I post a video each day.. and a quote - usually on love, relationships, soul mates..

9)life.. what's going on in his? did he have a good day at work (mine hates talking about work - but i especially always ask how he is feeling on tour dates)

I'm hoping this may give you some ideas.. random quizes are good.. but you have to basically ask questions on aspects you don't know.. like favorite colors.. or do you like leather.. or favorite actor/actress.. etc.. find off the wall things.. is he allergic to anything.. these are things I've done.. and then you have something to chat about.. you can respond.. because you have to share what you've asked.. and you get to know each other even better...

childhood memories.. what's his favorite? what's his worst? why? how did he feel about it.. etc.. I'm sure you are following my train of thought now.. but this will keep things moving.

Good Luck..

Awsome ideas!

[Madge]

How often do you talk with your SO?

My SO and I text/email during the week and on the weekends we have a mega 3-4 hour skype chat about our week

Maybe talk on the phone 10-20min max and then have a long phone call on the weekend? it may be something to look forward to.

[mllebamako]

How often do you talk with your SO?

My SO and I text/email during the week and on the weekends we have a mega 3-4 hour skype chat about our week

Maybe talk on the phone 10-20min max and then have a long phone call on the weekend? it may be something to look forward to.

I agree with this suggestion. If it's painfully awkward...don't force it!! My SO and I try to skype everyday for 30 minutes. Sometimes we have so much to talk about that 30 minutes flies by and he'll end up paying for another 30 minutes at the cyber cafe. Other days, we do a check in and then we notice the convo has gone dead after about 10 minutes. And that's totally normal! So we say goodbye and then see how things are the next day. It's always changing so don't put too much pressure on yourselves.