Back for some more advice.

[hdehart]

My family is shitty about LDR's and kind of biased because of it, so I'm looking for a third and neutral perspective.
A while back I posted asking for advice about breaking up with my ex. I did it and we didn't speak for a week. But he came back and apologized for everything and has been making a gigantic effort to fix things. He's started talking about coming down and moving here and such, which is things we talked about in the beginning but never really discussed seriously.

In the time he was gone I decided I wasn't going to sulk and started talking to some new (and local) guys.
I started planning a date with someone for this week. I met someone else and he's come by my store a few times and we've had a chance to talk and have some similar interests. And there's someone else that I've been talking to for a while but the timing just never worked.

So now I'm stuck. I'm afraid of letting go of my ex, especially since he's making an effort now. But I'm also scared of taking him back and things going back to how they were. I also think that it might be nice to get to know some new guys, but I don't know if it's worth throwing away over a year with this guy.

[Minerva]

Can you do both? Can you tell him you appreciate the effort he's putting in, and want to make it work, but that you need time to sort out your feelings? If you tell him you want to go on a couple of dates with other guys, will he just give up on the relationship?

I think you owe it to yourself to explore other relationships if that's what your yearning for. Or at least go on a few dates so you can figure out what you really want. Hopefully he'd understand, but then again, that's a LOT to hope for.

And it sucks to give up on something you've invested time in, but it sucks even more to stay in something that's not working while other opportunities pass you by.

[JennyRW]

I'm sorry you are in this position, I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation... I guess you need to think a lot about it and decide how much you love your bf, do you really believe his effort and do you think its going to last? are you still hurt for what he did?Do you feel some chemestry for one or the other guys? think really well about all of this things and take your own desition. Sorry I don't know how to help you in this. Good luck!

[HollzHeartsChris]

I don't think you should rush into things. Give yourself more time to reign in your thoughts and emotions, and then from there decide whether or not you want to give your ex a second chance. I don't really know what advice to give other than that, only that I wish you the best of luck and I hope things work out.

[Haley53]

Here's my opinion: exes are exes for a reason, and though people can change, not all do.

I have a friend who was involved with someone long-distance. They had plans to meet, too, plans upon plans upon plans! They even had the idea that he would eventually move here, and they would be married. What happened? Nothing. Every time they had plans, something came up and it somehow fell through. Finances, time, an argument, etc.; it was always something. And then, another pattern developed. I would say that their relationship was rather tumultuous, and rather up and down, but it seemed that whenever they were broken up or whenever she met someone there/IRL, that's when he would come crawling back, apologising for his behaviour and then saying he'll do anything to make it work, he found a way to make it work, etc. There would be plans in detail! But again, these fell through. It seemed he was only willing to make these plans turn out when he was at risk of losing her/their relationship, and I do feel he was using it as a manipulative tactic.

Though I cannot say things with your ex are the same, I am saying that it's possible he's saying/using these things as a way of winning you back. He may be able to seriously discuss these plans and issues, but words, in the end, are only words. In the past, from what I read off your other thread, and I only skimmed through the OP, he has shown a complete and absolute lack of follow-through, and he comes back within a week of you breaking up and expects you to believe that he's changed within that week? Yes, it's possible that this was a wake-up call, but being completely frank, what, in a week, has changed? If he shows as continuous a lack of follow-through he has, that leads me to believe it's either a fear, issue, or insecurity that he needs to deal with before he's ready for a long-term LDR or it expresses something about his character. Who's to say that he's not saying these things in an act of desperation, making these plans without first thinking them through? It seems strange to me that in a week, he'd go from backing continuously out of visiting/having you visit to promising to move to where you are.

If I'm being 100% truthful, it's that I would wait. I would wait before going out with anyone else - it hasn't been that long since you ended things with your ex. You don't need to be rushing in to anything with anyone else - though if you'd like to go out on some dates to get to know these people a little better, then I don't see anything wrong with hanging out and having a good time. I would also wait before getting back together with your ex, or jumping back into that decision. I do think that you need to take some time to process through everything that's happened and to really sort out your thoughts and feelings on this situation. Would your ex consider meeting up with you on a friends-only basis? Or consider meeting up with you and seeing where things go from there, as opposed to you instantly getting back together with him and risking another cancellation? Quite frankly, if he's really changed his mind into wanting to make this work, then I imagine he'll want to go at your pace. The instant he says "I don't want to visit if there's no guarantee of getting back together," I think that's the moment you'll know the relationship is over.

Chin up and best of luck. PM if you ever need anything more. <3