Please! I need advice!

[kgibree]

Ok so my boyfriend and I have been in an ldr for 3 years. I just moved near him to go to college about 30 minutes from his house. I also have family in the area so it wasn't only for him. Keep in mind it's only for the year through an exchange program. Anyways, I was looking through his skype. I know I know this is never a good idea but i felt like something was going on. About 2 weeks ago he was talking dirty with this random girl on the internet...I felt sick upon reading this and I was so so so upset. I felt lifeless...this man is the love of my life. Does anyone have any advice of how I can put this behind me and possibly build my trust for him again?

[Joyce:)]

I know how it feels to feel lifeless after reading something you would never expect. Did you talk about it with him? You can't even start thinking about putting things behind you until you confront him, and only after that you can start thinking if it's actually worth it to forgive something like that.
*hugs*

[kgibree]

Yeah I actually got super upset...went outside and he followed me. We have been talking about it all night. I'm past being angry and I'm at the point where I'm super hurt and my stomach hurts. I can't get the image out of my head and whenever I think about it my mood completely changes. Thank you so much for the support!

[Zephii]

Talk it over. Likely he didn't realise you'd be so hurt. I know a lot of people don't think this is wrong or cheating or any of that. I'm sorry I hope you can work through it.

[Sharon Q]

I did something like that with my boyfriend I had went through his journal. I read something and was hurt by it and we talked about it. And after a while I was okay with what I had read.

Just keep talking to him about it and let him know that you are hurt by what he did.

[Rugger]

You need to confront him about it. You can't get over a problem without working through it first

[Kiara]

Just reconsider your relationship. A love story from the 16 to the 19 years old might not the one of your life. And couple who are in a ldr should know how to behave in the net and which behaviors are not correct!
How did he excuse his dirty chat? Do you feel you still love him, or it just hurts (but that's normal!).
I hope you can feel better soon, with or without him.

[Haley53]

Talk it over. Likely he didn't realise you'd be so hurt. I know a lot of people don't think this is wrong or cheating or any of that. I'm sorry I hope you can work through it.

See, I don't understand how someone can assume something like this wouldn't be hurtful. I do understand that some people don't see anything wrong with speaking sexually or cybering-sexing or sexting because "it's online," but the people I'm aware of who are okay/comfortable with this, and their partners doing the same, are open/honest about it. When there's honesty about something with the absence of guilt, I'm inclined to be a bit more lenient, but there wasn't honesty with her that he was doing this at all, which leads me to believe he never would have told her had she not looked through his Skype. :/

To the OP, I think it's up to you to decide whether or not your relationship has run its course and whether or not this is worth it to continue. I would genuinely sit him down and talk to him about why he did it. I would have him cut the bullcrap and not be diplomatic. The truth hurts, but you aren't going to solve the issue if all you listen to are sugar-coated apologies as opposed to an honest explanation. If there have been issues leading up to this, or depending on why he made his decision to talk like this with another girl (while in a relationship with you), then it's up to you to decide if you can forgive, and I mean truly forgive, this happening in order to work on moving on from it. You're not going to get anywhere if it becomes one of those things you constantly bring up, not even in arguments. Yes, you're allowed to be upset, and no, you're not going to feel better or trust him immediately, but you are going to need to put in a substantial amount of effort to get over this; it isn't going to be easy and the relationship will suffer for it (most likely) until you've both worked through it.

That said, you've also had a high school relationship that's extended into a college relationship. As someone else mentioned, he's not the only fish in the sea. Sometimes this is what happens, two people remain together throughout high school, but within their first year of being at college, things, quite frankly, change. It may be what's happened here. Another good thing to discuss with him would be his feelings, about you and the relationship. Where does he see it going? If he doesn't see a future, then that may be a signal to you that he really is not the love of your life that you thought he was. And it isn't like you're never going to meet anyone else, especially now being in college.

I think the main thing is is this something that's going to reoccur? If he claims it's due to distance, for example, or not being able to be around you, then not only would I worry over the validity of this statement (I don't think I could forgive it. Even if it only happened online, I'd be worried there'd come a point it happened offline), but I would worry about what happens when your year there is up? You said you're there on an exchange program; what happens when you go back to finish school? And you're no longer sexually available to him, so to speak? And there's also the chance that you'll forgive it and so he'll think he can get away with it again; only next time he'll hide it better.

Frankly, this isn't something I could overcome, primarily because I never have seen it be a one-time thing. I do wish you the best of luck though in whatever you decide to do. I can't imagine how painful this would be. Chin up. <3

[rusty15]

I know how this feels, it sucks, it's horrible you want to die. Talk to him about it! Get the truth from him, and decide what to do next. Take a couple of days to yourself to figure out what you want, listen to him and see if he is really sorry or not.
I've been in a similar situation, I confronted him and he was a little upset I was snooping but was apologizing, telling me he still wanted to be with me. I took a couple days to myself, he kept texting me but I didn't respond back, after I thought about it I realized I loved him and he was really sorry and just lonely. He kept saying how he wanted me to trust him again so we figured it out. It's really hard to trust again but it takes patience and A LOT of time!

[Joyce:)]

He probably didn't think it would hurt you because he didn't think you would read it. My boyfriend lets me go through his texts, and i randomly run into these texts with a girl, where i found out they were hanging out and he never told me about it, and the reason i got upset was because they hung out for weeks after they had kissed (we weren't OFFICIAL official but heck it sure felt like it). I felt betrayed because i just wanted him to be honest, and not to hide things from me. I was angry at first, and then just like you, i had this feeling of emptiness, feeling that still hangs around in the back of my head.
It will take a while to get over it, i'm not going to lie, and it will take longer than you want it to. He better show you that he loves you, show you that he deserves you, treat you like a princess. I continued feeling like i wasn't enough, don't let that happen to you.

[yayagrl]

Wow this is crazy. Around 2 and a half months ago I also ran into something like this with my SO, but with facebook. He was in the hospital and asked me to check up on his games. A few days before I found out he was in the hospital I noticed a girl had posted something on his wall. Nothing dirty, but just a simple " Hi. How are ya?" I thought nothing of it as I know he has friends with kids and thought that maybe they knew each other somehow. So back to where I was, I was checking his facebook and the notification for a message came up, I had no intentions of reading it, but clicked the icon just so the notification could go away (it bugs me to look at it, but I always tell him he has messages). Only thing is when I clicked I saw that the same girl would posted on his wall had also messaged him. Reading their chat hurt me to my core. Like it burned me up so much that I immediately started crying when I read it. Sad part is it was a day that we were also chatting on facebook. The things he said to her crushed me. Early on in our relationship we'd discussed cheating as he has ex's that have cheated on him and I pretty much assumed from the way he talked about it that he wouldn't do such a thing. He also said as much. I confronted him about it over the phone. I felt like I'd been lied to profusely. He claimed he was drunk and felt bad about the convo after talking to her and that he hadn't talked to her since that night. He apologized profusely and said he would remove her from his friends list. I'm still struggling with this and I told him that night that I can't trust him and that it would be a long while before I did again. We have moved on from this and tomorrow will make 6 months that we've been together, but I still get doubts in my mind when I don't hear from him I wonder what he's doing. I can tell you it's going to take a lot of work for you to trust him again. If you want to go through with that that is. I know because I'm going through it

[kgibree]

We have discussed our future in great detail. We recognized a relationship across the country would take a lot of work and wouldn't be worth the effort if we were not serious and committed. I plan to marry him ( of course after i finish school). The thing is I attend school normally in Louisiana... I live in massachusetts and he lives in California. He is done with school and once this year is done I head back to LSU for my last two years of school. He has every intention in coming with me to Louisiana. He isn't a big fan of California and how expensive it is to live and the job hunt for him is just not working out. I know there Are plenty of other people out there but I am literally disgusted at the thought of me with someone else. We have talked about it a lot and my only issue now is I still have questions that are yet to be answered. My first day of school was today and it sucked so badly I know I'm strong and can get through it but it hurts so damn much. Not to mention I am more than humiliated about the whole situation so we have decided not to talk to others about it.. Besides his mom and sister because they were there for the entire emotional breakdown I had. I really appreciate you guys responding and taking the time to read my posts<3