we are on a break

[Miramaid]

Yet another turbulence in my relationship. We are on a break. He argued with me over the fact that I started attending co-dependent anonymous meetings, but did not tell him, however, his friend knew. He said "I deserve a girlfriend who shares everything with me"
His (and mine) friend knew because he has been attending those meetings for over 4 years and I needed information from him and also i asked him about his experience and told him about mine. I did not tell my SO. I had reasons for it. However, it was not like I purposely did not want to tell him. It is anonymous and it is about me, so I chose to not bring him into it. He wanted to break up over the fact that I "as always" left him out and he is not a part of my life. We argued for hours over it (and brought up all the old wounds too), as a result we are on a break.

I have never been on a break in my life. It is a foreign concept for me. We have said that we do not date other ppl, but still... I find myself doubting him. I think that may be he had just found a reason to get out. That may be he just has someone else.
We didn't define how long the break will last. He said he didn't know how much time he needed.
May be it is just a step to a break-up for good. I do not know. How do i deal with it in the INSIDE?

[snow_girl]

Try to keep your mind off it by finding things to do. Let him know to keep you in the loop about any changes he's made and felt and you will be ready waiting when he is ready to talk. Good luck.

[lucybelle]

I've never been on a "break" before either. The most I can tell you is just take it easy. Try to continue with your life without focusing completely on him (I know that sounds impossible). Good luck.

[Rugger]

I agree with snow on this one. Just keep busy and keep your mind off of it. Take this opportunity to work on yourself as a person, instead of as half of a couple.

[JennyRW]

I don't know what to tell you, the only time that my bf mention a break in a fight I told him I don't believe in breaks, so its better to just end the relationship and that make him react, he didn't want that so at the end we fixed everything, without break.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I've been on a break before and it sucks. End of. The best thing you can do is what the other guys have suggested, and I'm gonna say it too: give yourself and him some time, keep busy, and try not to focus too much on what's happened. You'll both start again when the time is right.

[Miramaid]

I feel like he wants out. I do not understand why from wanting to break up he went to wanting a break. If he really wants out i wish he would just end it. I could use this time to heal and get over him than be in agony and not know what will happen.
In fact, I too do not believe in breaks. I was the one who said that tho after he said that we needed some time apart. But I do not believe in breaks. I think breaks do not solve anything and only prolong a break up.

[Haley53]

I understand that time and space are important. I've required it, and I've had someone else require it, but the only time it's been required has been in an unhealthy relationship (albeit a platonic one) and all that time did, in the end of it, was put the issue off.

Frankly, I would write him an e-mail and I would be clear, concise, and direct. I would begin by maybe listing a brief sentence, or a couple of them, about why you didn't tell him you were attending the meetings. For example, if you were embarrassed to admit it or if you didn't want him to get the wrong impression, tell him. Tell him, too, why you spoke with his friend about it. Let him know that it was not your intention to hurt him, as I'm assuming it wasn't, and that this is something that will not happen in the future, as I'm assuming this is a compromise you'd be willing to make. Then I would say something along the lines of, "that said, I do understand that you need time to work through the situation." Be clear that you will respect his decision for a break, but I would also be clear that you want some things cleared up. What questions do you have about the break? If you're concerned it's a break-up more than it is a break, tell him. Tell him you realise you're not allowed to see other people but what is he hoping to gain from this break? I would leave your opinions about breaks out of it, I would leave your suspicion he's found someone else out of it, etc., but I would let him know that you will be here waiting when he's ready to talk because you do want to sort out the issue; simply be firm in that you want to know what the exact ground rules for the break are, and you want to know what he hopes to gain from it. Send the e-mail, keeping it neutral, and then busy yourself from then on. If he responds, gauge it, and then respond or don't based on that, i.e. if he responds wanting to talk/work it out, write back; if he responds explaining the ground rules and what time he needs, don't. The most you can do is give him time and space to clear his head and heal. Sending an e-mail should clear things up for the both of you, but it will also allow him time to respond to it if he so desires. In the meantime, I would try and keep busy with friends, family, school, work, hobbies... Anything to keep your mind off the break.

[snow_girl]

I feel like he wants out. I do not understand why from wanting to break up he went to wanting a break. If he really wants out i wish he would just end it. I could use this time to heal and get over him than be in agony and not know what will happen.
In fact, I too do not believe in breaks. I was the one who said that tho after he said that we needed some time apart. But I do not believe in breaks. I think breaks do not solve anything and only prolong a break up.

Then take this time to prepare to break up. I have (not proudly) used breaks as a way to break up. I don't know if its cause I thought it was easier to have an 'adjustment' period or what. The one time after a week he came around and said that he forgot was it was like to feel single and we should break up, so I didn't have to do it.