Two heads think better than one

[Lina]

And in this case, assuming that all forum members' heads think better than just mine, I'm seeking some advice.

I'm in a very strange situation regarding my LDR. I'm afraid that my feelings are dying (I'm not as eager to talk to him everyday, not as moved by his nice comments or small surprises, I even find myself sometimes being irritated by the lovey-dovey moments...) and they'll keep going down until we would meet for the first time (for the record, it is long time from now). I feel like the easiest/fastest/cleanest way out of this would be to break up with him. But I bet we all went through such a thing and we thought :"But what if I'm missing on the chance of my life to be happy?". This has been going on my mind for weeks. I'm confused and my feelings are totally mixed.

Now, for the conclusion, I know I am the only one who can take a decision after all, but what I'm seeking from you is some advice, if somebody has been in a similar or same situation as me? Any thoughts/advice/inspirational stories/anything?

[snow_girl]

Feelings fade, it's part of life. Don't feel bad about it, sometimes relationships aren't meant to be. I dated a guy in high school who I started having the same feeling about, I kept the relationship going for a few more months thinking it was bound to get better and it seemed like such a waste to break up after spending a year together, but I just found myself getting more and more frustrated with anything he did (nice or not)That I ended it in the not nicest way. Don't dwell on the what ifs, if you are not completely happy get out and find someone that will make you weak at the knees. Breaking up is a sad thing but if it wasn't part of life everyone would still be with the first person they dated, and I'm sure I can speak for more then just myself when I say sometimes breaking up is worth it.

[JennyRW]

I felt like that in a short relationship I had like 5 years ago, I started feeling irritated by the thinks he said and do (even when he did cute things)I triyed to stay with him because my head told me he do nice and cute things and he say sweet things, it s just not logical to be irritated by that. But everytime was worse and worse specially because he started to talking about getting married really soon so I just felt like running away... So I just ended it, doesnt matter he was cute with me, I didnt feel the same for him so I was just loosing the oportunity to meet someone else that could be my soul mate...

[lucybelle]

I think you need to decide if your feelings are temporary or permanent. Sometimes with my SO I'll become short with him, irritated, annoyed when he kisses me. But these feelings only last for a few days. Then I feel all mushy again. If you think that you'll have these same "lame" feelings towards him, I think you should break up. Don't waste your and his time. But if perhaps your feelings are just compounded because you feel stressed about work/school, and that you haven't met yet, and with the distance... give it a little more time. Do some soul searching. Don't think about the "what-ifs" because you already know the answer-- you'll feel stagnant.

[Zephii]

Love is fluid. It ebbs and flows, it's not the same every day.

It could just be frusteration, that you have put so much time and effort into this relationship and yet not even been able to touch once. Or you might just be moving on. Or it might be a hormonal phase.

The only time I ever thought I was falling out of love with Obi was when I was under huge pressure, very stressed and sad. Are things hectic in your life right now? Becase stress can make your patience short even for the nicest things. Sometimes it's hard not to think "If you loved me you'd make more of an effort" or such.

Give it time. Maybe you can take a trip somewhere for a few days? Have a little non-offical non-alarming break? Give yourself a chance to miss what you have?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

It could just be frusteration, that you have put so much time and effort into this relationship and yet not even been able to touch once. Or you might just be moving on. Or it might be a hormonal phase.

The only time I ever thought I was falling out of love with Obi was when I was under huge pressure, very stressed and sad. Are things hectic in your life right now? Becase stress can make your patience short even for the nicest things. Sometimes it's hard not to think "If you loved me you'd make more of an effort" or such.

THIS. When I get hormonal or stressed, I can get a little bit like how you feel. Also, if I don't really hear from Anthony, I'll convince myself he doesn't love me. It's my insecurity and the stress of everything else that is going on in my life. I know I really don't mean it, and I would NEVER tell Anthony that this happens. It usually passes rather quickly for me. Hang in there, it'll be fine! =]

[Haley53]

I, again, agree with Zephii.

I do believe that love "ebbs and flows," as she put it.

How long have you been in the relationship? I think everyone reaches a point in their relationship where things aren't as fluffy and exciting as they were in the beginning, that point where they start to get a little bit more comfortable with one another than not. I think that people reach that point differently in LDRs and that it can also be renewed with seeing one another.

That said, there are also times where stress, discouragement, etc. can take its toll, and where it can start to almost squelch the feelings you have for your current partner in your current relationship. I think what helps me is having even a general timeline. I know that my discouragement tends to hit when I look into the future and have no solid concept of time to hold on to. For example, when are we going to be able to close the distance? Both my partner and I have discussed and figured this out, but initially it was hard seeing any future to the relationship when we weren't even sure of when things could likely start happening, even if we'd already figured out how it was going to work. You say it's a long time from now... is there no possible way you would ever be able to meet sooner?

With that being said, you ultimately have to be the one bearing your own happiness in mind. If you're not happy with this situation, then you can't blame yourself for that and you need to get out. Yes, there's always the chance that having him close the distance to/with you would make you happy, but he's not your only chance. Though I hate the expression "there's plenty more fish in the sea" simply because it seems to minimise certain situations, it's true. I do know that some people believe in one soul mate, but I don't. I think that there are hundreds of people that we will work with, be compatible with, have that "chance of our lives" to be happy with, and this isn't to add that we grow from each experience. Walking away from this relationship, you would come out with an idea of more of what you want. You might have gone in to this relationship with completely different ideals than you'd walk out of it with, simply because we learn and grow as time goes on and relationships come and go. People change, and as a consequence of that, so do their individual lives. There is nothing wrong with it if this arrangement no longer makes you happy, because you need to do what you need to do for you.

My advice would be to sit down and make a pros and cons list, and then look at the future. Make a pros and cons list about that and then compare the two. Best of luck!

[DemonxOisin]

Also, if I don't really hear from Anthony, I'll convince myself he doesn't love me. It's my insecurity and the stress of everything else that is going on in my life. I know I really don't mean it, and I would NEVER tell Anthony that this happens. It usually passes rather quickly for me. Hang in there, it'll be fine! =]

THIS. Iīm actually going through one of these phases right now, but I know itīs because heīs really freaked out with his change of campus, and entering second year uni, and meeting new people, and... basically we havenīt had a proper conversation in a month. So my feelings for him are not as strong as they can be. But things will get better

[Lina]

Are things hectic in your life right now?, Zephii.

It's my senior year in high school so a lot of things to do and a ton to study, I guess it plays a role in my current mood even though I didn't consciously realize it.

How long have you been in the relationship?, Eclaire.

We've been together a bit over a year. Yeah, I know that there are certain phases in a relationship (the full of passion beginning, the time where everything calms down, a period where love is toned down to respect and affection etc.) so I get your point.

Thank you to each of you who took the time to write a reply here.

[LeilaniJoi]

Don't dwell on the what ifs, if you are not completely happy get out and find someone that will make you weak at the knees. Breaking up is a sad thing but if it wasn't part of life everyone would still be with the first person they dated, and I'm sure I can speak for more then just myself when I say sometimes breaking up is worth it.

This. I wasted 8 years on someone that I should have broken up with way into the relationship. He never made me "weak at the knees" and if you have ever had someone that did, then you understand the significance of it. Analyze your feelings, but if you are annoyed more than you are happy then that should be all the answer you need.

[Lina]

Once more, thank you everyone. I've made a decision after thinking for days. Life goes on.