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**Rugger** · September 23, 2011, 01:36 PM

If I were you, I would just come out and say it. "I feel uncomfortable about Girl Y because she admits to being a home wrecker. After the situation with the hug text, I'm afraid she's going to try it with us".

Something like this happened with my SO and I. When we started dating, I found out he was friends with this girl with whom I had dealings before ( she tried to steal my ex from me). I knew she had no problem trying to break up a relationship and I didn't trust her one wit. So I told him the story of what happened before and I told him that I did not trust her. He understood my feelings on it and will not hang out with her one on one. He also doesn't expect me to hang out with her.

As for you and your friend, Have he and your boyfriend met? I find that it's easier not to get jealous when you've met the person your SO is spending time with. I used to get jealous of my SO's female friends and then I met them. I'm not anymore because now we are friends and they know how much I mean to him.

**Madge** · September 23, 2011, 03:38 PM

If she has stated that she is a home wrecker then that makes it easier for you to say something about it. Like Rugger said you should defiantly talk about it.

Actually I really like the answer that Rugger came up with "I feel uncomfortable about Girl Y because she admits to being a home wrecker. After the situation with the hug text, I'm afraid she's going to try it with us"

If its making you uncomfortable then you need to speak your mind.

**Munkie** · September 23, 2011, 03:49 PM

Hi! My best suggestion is what Taylor and I decided to do: No one-on-one time with ANY friend of the opposite sex. It's a mutual respect thing, I think. You have to do yourself what you expect of him. If he isn't comfortable with your friend, and you aren't comfortable with his, it's best you think about how you would feel in his place. One on one time is VERY dangerous, and I will admit, has broken our relationship before, because I did begin to have feelings for the other guy.

A huge mistake, yes. But it happened without my suspecting it would. Be careful.

**Haley53** · September 23, 2011, 07:39 PM

I don't feel that one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex is dangerous unless you let it be. Whether it's long-distance or close-distance, when any issue with the opposite sex arises, that is an issue within the relationship or that the individual needs to sort out; it is not, in my opinion, a direct product of hanging out with the opposite sex one-on-one. I'm more of a one-on-one person in general, and I can't say it's ever caused any issues in regards to my loyalty to my partner or feelings for my partner. I feel if you're both loyal to one another, then you should be able to hang out with members of the opposite sex, in groups or one-on-one, simply because neither of you have given the other reason to doubt one another; on top of this, the added communicative element to your relationship that it sounds like you have should allow the both of you to keep things from getting too out of hand, as when things get out of hand, as I stated earlier, this signals an issue within the relationship or with the partner who was unfaithful; a good, stable communication in an honest, open, and trusting relationship tends to prevent these issues from occurring to begin with, because they're generally sorted before they get to a certain point. But I digress...

My advice would be to talk to him about how you're feeling, but don't do it in such a manner that you come off as a) accusatory b) controlling/possessive (as you stated you did not want to come across) or c) as demanding or mistrusting. There's really nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with something that was said or done, and sometimes those things need to be brought to the table. There have been a couple things that have been said by friends in the past that have upset my boyfriend. I thought they were hilarious as all get out, but they bothered him to such an extent we needed to talk about it and sort things through. Perhaps it's the same here. It sounds like something your boyfriend thought was genuinely funny - and I'm doubting he has anything to hide, if he openly shared it with you - and you did not, and that's okay to let him know. Explain your feelings about why you feel uncomfortable as well. Let him know that you want his reassurance.

That said, I don't think it's fair of you to ask him not to hang out with her unless you're prepared to not hang out with your best guy friend. Despite the fact they sound like two completely different people (she's a self-proclaimed homewrecker and he's in a relationship), it's not her you have to trust but rather, your partner. For example, if it gets to a point she does try anything, you should trust him enough to resist the situation or refuse it, and you should trust him enough that he'll put the appropriate, and adequate, boundaries in place. I should hope he would put a firm foot down and let her know that she's to respect his relationship or she can choose not to be in communication with him any longer. This is what I have always done and quite frankly, would expect my partner to be the same, simply because I feel that both I and my relationship deserve respect, and if someone cannot respect that fact or part of me, I don't feel that they're worth my time. I imagine that if you and your partner have a strong enough relationship, should ever the issue occur, you would both stamp your feet down hard enough to make a point and if the pushing continued without end, I imagine you'd both do what you needed to do to stop it.

So where I think it's fine to talk to your partner about your feelings of discomfort, I don't think it's fine to want him to stop hanging out with her or to ask it of him unless, like I said, you're prepared to make the same sacrifice.

**HollzHeartsChris** · September 24, 2011, 10:48 AM

My SO and I do tend to have friends of the opposite gender and whilst at the moment we do tend to hang out with more people of our own gender (he has a group of guys that he hangs out with and I have a group of girls I'm friends with) we've had moments in the past where things have been a little tense but we worked the problem out. I was friends with a guy in highschool who I used to hang out with a lot, and our closeness sometimes made my SO uneasy, even though I told him there were no feelings between us that were anything but that of friends. He has a friend at school who's a girl and he's hung out with her on a number of occasions, but they're nothing but friends and their closeness doesn't bother me. What you need to do is just talk to your SO and discuss what's been bothering you both, and then come to agreement about where a line is drawn. It's ok to be close, and you can't stop your So hanging out with her and he can't stop you from hanging out with your friend, but you should both come to an agreement as to what and what not you can both do, without restricting you both too much. Good luck!

**Bobbiejeanne** · September 24, 2011, 03:00 PM

I in no means want to make him stop hanging out with her. Mostly I just wanted a way to say that she makes me feel uneasy without making him feel like he has to stop talking to her. I would be a total hypocrite if I told him that he couldn't hang out with her alone or something.
Not to mention rude since I haven't met her.

I trust Brennen loads, he's a guy of "high moral fiber" (something I sometimes tease him gently about), and so I know he knows where to draw the line, but I can just see in the future this becoming a huge problem if she decides on Brennen to be her next victim...

**Haley53** · September 24, 2011, 03:06 PM

Why not ask him for reassurance that he'll keep the boundaries set in place? This will only become an issue if he lets it become one, as in if she continued to make advancements I would be more concerned about why he wasn't making more of a stand to stop them (even if that meant cutting her out) than the fact she was making those advancements in the first place, yanno? He sounds like a good guy and like he wouldn't even let it get out of hand to begin with. :/

**kiara_silver** · September 24, 2011, 03:41 PM

I would straight up tell him how you feel. Which I know sometimes can be hard, admitting these feelings, no one wants to be the jealous girlfriend. But these things need to be shared or else it could lead to resentment or fear and you can create a wedge. Plus its good to open up and have a relationship where your honest about your feelings. For me personally that would bug me, its clear flirting, and it would just bug me. Me and my SO talked and I asked him what if I wanted you to stop being friends with them would you? And he said yes, I asked him just like that? And he said yes. And I think he would because he trusts and knows that if i were to ever ask something like that i would have to have a good reason. I trust my SO he's always open about who he talks to. So i also think its good you guys are open and tell eachother who you hang out with but don't be afraid to also tell when something upsets you.

**beckychan** · September 24, 2011, 06:20 PM

While I don't have any advice for you, I can tell you know that I'm a little jealous! I wish my SO was more open with me talking to people of the opposite sex! Lately, that has been our biggest issue.. I'm okay with him hanging out with girls, because tbh, I feel like if he loves me as much as he says he does, then I have no fear of him leaving me for some other girl. But then again, he doesn't hang around too many other girls than who's at school.
He, however, HATES that I talk to other guys. One of my best friends is a guy, and I can't even mention his name with out my SO going completely apeshit.. okay well it's not that bad, but if I say 'oh hey, my friend X was telling me about such and such" he would be like, "oh you're talking to HIM? Now I know I'm not good enough for you" or something like that. It drives me CRAZY cause he's such a good friend of mine and I wish I could be able to open talk about that relationship with my so.. but I have to keep it in the dark. He doesn't like when I talk to guys in general either! It's pretty bad and it's really stressing me out and sometimes I don't know what to do. I always reassure him and tell him that I would never leave him or fall for anyone else, and he's aware that it bothers me but at the same time it's still a big deal for us!

**Bobbiejeanne** · October 13, 2011, 09:43 PM

Just thought I'd give an update to my above story:

My SO's friend (the home-wrecker) actually attempted to seduce my boyfriend last week. Telling him things like "Oh, if your girlfriend is as pretty as you say she is, she's probably got a list of guys she's going through" and "She'll never know, she's on the opposite side of the country"
He, for a moment, considered what was being offered to him (which freaks me the hell out), but then laughed at her and said "If you think my Girlfriend would do that to me, then you have no idea who you're dealing with" and walked out of the room.
When we had talked (days after this occurred) he hadn't seen her since, but he knew he would have to eventually; they had all the same friends. So he told me he was planning on keeping a "3 person rule", meaning if they hang out, 3 other people must be there at all times.

...interesting turn of events, but I couldn't help myself from saying "I CALLED IT!!!!"

**Haley53** · October 13, 2011, 09:53 PM

May I ask why he needed to take time to consider her offer at all? :/

**rsvpnj** · October 13, 2011, 09:57 PM

I would just be honest with him about you not feeling comfortable with him spending time with her. Don't outright forbid it, as this may backfire on you. But express you discomfort and if he respects and loves you, he should have no difficulty doing this. However, be prepared for him to counter with you spending less or no time with your male friend.

Good luck!

**Minerva** · October 13, 2011, 10:13 PM

I'm not the type to forbid my SO from hanging out with women; if I was, we'd be in trouble because he has a lot of pretty women friends. But in this case, this woman has no morals and an agenda, and your SO ACTUALLY CONSIDERED TAKING HER UP ON THE OFFER.

If it was me, I would demand he put this woman out of his life. She doesn't respect you, and by virtue of the fact that she doesn't respect his relationship, she doesn't respect him either. And if he had to think about saying no, I'd never trust him around a manipulative, conniving woman hell-bent on putting another notch on her headboard.

**Ms.Justine** · October 13, 2011, 10:40 PM

Originally posted by Rugger View Post

If I were you, I would just come out and say it. "I feel uncomfortable about Girl Y because she admits to being a home wrecker. After the situation with the hug text, I'm afraid she's going to try it with us".

Something like this happened with my SO and I. When we started dating, I found out he was friends with this girl with whom I had dealings before ( she tried to steal my ex from me). I knew she had no problem trying to break up a relationship and I didn't trust her one wit. So I told him the story of what happened before and I told him that I did not trust her. He understood my feelings on it and will not hang out with her one on one. He also doesn't expect me to hang out with her.

As for you and your friend, Have he and your boyfriend met? I find that it's easier not to get jealous when you've met the person your SO is spending time with. I used to get jealous of my SO's female friends and then I met them. I'm not anymore because now we are friends and they know how much I mean to him.

I agree with this, REP points!

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