Bad boyfriend

[ImInLove]

Throughout my LDR i'm discovering that I'm possibly a crap boyfriend. Anyone got some advice for me? Advice about things like this.
My friend sent me a msg that said i should go out with my friends more and less time on computer, my gf read it and she thought my friend doesnt want us to be together... So i said no no thats not it. And then I said to my friend to tell my gf a lie so my she wouldnt be so upset... I told him to tell her that he wants us together and he likes us together (its not really a lie, because its kind of truth, but i wasnt 100% sure it was truth when i told my friend to say it, so its like a lie).

Should i be doing things like that? i start to think im really stupid at this stuff.

[adielovesshelbs]

if you are questioning your moves and if you think that you are being crappy, no offensive, but most likely you are. it seems like you know you are in the wrong because you said that you think you are a crappy boyfriend. i didnt mean to sound rude at all, i was just saying. i would be upset if my bf did something like that.

[Sharon Q]

It's okay to go out with friends. You need to balance your friends and your girlfriends.
For example

My SO and I talk at night, that way during the day we can do what we need/want to do.
Would I like us to talk more, of course I would but we both have lives outside of the relationship. As everyone should.

When you come across things like what your friend said and you arn't 100% sure. Use the statement " I think " so it's not a lie. simple as that.

[Laura_N]

To me that doesn't sound too bad. In my honest opinion it sounds like your girlfriend got mad over nothing - if your friend asks you to spend more time with them and go out more often, there is nothing wrong in that and obviously it doesn't have to mean that he wishes you two wouldn't be together. I don't know why your girlfriend was reading your messages, but it seems like you should balance your time with your friends and girlfriend. Based on this, you don't sound like a crappy boyfriend to me. The situation itself sounds just a bit confusing, your gf reading that message and getting upset and having to be told that your friend wants you to be together... Maybe it's just me, but I think that sounds weird.

[Haley53]

I don't think you're a "crappy" boyfriend. I do think you're struggling to find an appropriate balance, and it sounds like your girlfriend is struggling with the same.

For example, if my boyfriend's friends decide to drag him out for an evening/night out because he's been at his computer all day, I really have no right to take that personally, or to take it as some sign of them not wanting us to be together. In the end, it has nothing to do with me; it has to do with them wanting to hang out more with him, and though neither he nor I are particularly social (we do best with an outing a week or every other week with our social groups), it's important that we both have people outside of each other to spend time with or at least to talk to. Sometimes these people, especially IRL, aren't going to understand why someone would choose to have a LDR, or sometimes they aren't going to understand the desire to talk so much to your partner; this is okay, but your girlfriend needs to learn not to interpret this as "OH GOD THEY DON'T SUPPORT OUR RELATIONSHIP IN FACT I THINK THEY'RE ASKING US TO BREAK UP WHAT SHOULD WE DO WHAT DO I DO" and get upset/panicked about it.

What you need to learn is that it is, in fact, okay to have a relationship with both friends and your SO. It is okay to go out and have a good time. It is okay to have something other than your girlfriend. What you should have done, in this situation, is in my opinion simply told her that that isn't the case, reassured her feelings, and left it there. You didn't need to get your friend involved, you didn't need to bring anyone else into it, you didn't need to enable the issue to continue any longer. It could have been a simple explanation of the fact you love her, you care about her, but you have friends too, and they're supportive of your relationship (assuming they are) but at the same time, they want to spend time with you as well. And if you so desired, I would work on figuring out when you can go out with your friends and when you stay home talking to your SO. My partner tends not to know until the day of going out; some people know in advance.

That said, if you're noticing you're doing more and more of these things, then take a step back and look at your behaviour and wonder, "why?" Are they all situations like this one, where you panic at the site of conflict and rush to avoid it? If so, you cannot always bend things so that they go your girlfriend's way and keep you out of "trouble," so to speak; sometimes you're going to need to confront the situation head-on and have a mature, adult discussion about it. If the situations are different, why do you feel you approach them the way you do? Are you scared of conflict? Are you scared of losing her? Does she have a particularly nasty temper or paranoid spirit? and so on and so forth. Ask yourself these questions and questions like these to really get to the root cause of your behaviour. Look at what in your relationship or what in you is causing these situations to reoccur or for you to continually handle them in the wrong way, and then start looking at what you can do to change it. Everyone has their issues and everyone needs to better themselves in one way or another; perhaps this is yours.