Every night is too much.

[Sharon Q]

Apparently talking every night is too much for my SO.
A long time ago he told me I could rely on him to talk to me every day. When he lived here that is.
And Apparently that was only because I would freak out, ( which he just told me last night ) So so much for relying on him to talk to me everyday like he said I could.

He said it's cuz he has to get out his laptop every night and then put it up before bed, when we don't even really talk.... Last night was the first night neither of us had much to say.

He wont even tell me when he'll be on next. Its just

" just message me, I'll be on sometime. "

I'm at the point where I'm just done giving, I'm not going to message him for a few days I'm going to wait until he messages me... I'm just really hurt that talking to me at night is such a huge deal for him.

Am I overreacting here?

[HollzHeartsChris]

I don't think you're overreacting, I mean I'd be upset and really disappointed if my SO said this to me, especially when I find that to be a rather poor excuse. Talk to your SO and tell him how you feel, and if you're having problems finding things to talk about, have a look at the following post and see if there are ideas that you can draw from it yourself to help.

https://www.lovingfromadistance.com/advice6.html

[Haley53]

As someone who significantly treasures her time with her SO via messenger, webcam, etc., I would be extremely hurt if he decided he had no interest in talking with me. That said, I think you also have to understand it from his point of view.

I find this to be similar to when someone in a close-distance relationship reaches that point in their relationship where they don't want to talk with/see their SO on a daily basis. Sometimes people hit that point where they need space in a relationship. I won't say that everyone does, but there are some people who are significantly more independent than others and as a result of this, require more space from their partner than their partner may require from them. I think that it's also normal for people to require their own time to do their own thing. For example, if he's busy during the day time, perhaps when he comes home, he wants time to relax and unwind; this is normal. What isn't normal is if he decided to spend all his time as "alone time" and never with you, as this is, in my opinion, when a relationship starts to teeter-totter on the edge of being unhealthy.

I also don't think it's fair that he's left you with "I'll be on sometime." I think a fairer compromise would be to set aside nights out of the week that you will be able to talk. If he decides on one particular night that needs some alone time, I think he should be allowed that, however, I think this cancellation should only be in the event he really needs it. To me, his excuse about not wanting to get his laptop down screams that here's something else on his mind. To me, his being afraid to tell you he doesn't want to talk on a daily basis earlier on screams that he's scared of telling you the reason behind it now. Though I don't think this is fair, primarily because I don't think excuses should be made in a cowardly attempt to avoid the upset from your partner, I can also understand his wanting to avoid the drama/conflict of it all if your tendency is to get upset or, as he put it, "freak out."

Next time you have a chance to talk I would sit him down and talk about this. I would tell him you want him to be honest with you, and you promise you won't freak-out re: his honesty. You need to be willing to stick to this. If he tells you that the truth behind it is he needs some alone time/some space away from the relationship, for example, you need to be able to handle this maturely and civilly. You can feel free to ask him "why?" or what questions you have about it, but make sure they're warranted. Don't make accusations and don't jump to conclusions and be prepared to accept his needs, even if they contradict your own. That said, also feel like you can tell him how you're feeling about it. One example might be to say, "of course I'm going to miss you, but if you need space, I can honour that. But do you think in that case we could come up with 'date' nights? As in nights we'll actually be able to speak? So that it's not guess and check?" It's important to find a compromise that will work and you're both at least content with, even if neither of you are getting 100% what you want from it.

[adielovesshelbs]

i dont think you are overreacting, i would feel the same way. maybe he was having a bad day and took it out on you or maybe he just needs a few days. i think staying away for a couple days would be the best plan, as hard as it is, you should really wait for him to message you. good luck with everything.

[JennyRW]

I would be upset too, I think you are right, don't message him or anything, let him look for you...

[Sharon Q]

The only message I sent him after last night was just now.
" We need to talk when we are both online. " And I left it at that.

[Malaga]

How long have you been together? And by talking do you mean Skype every night, or IM?

My boyfriend and I Skype about once a week. We rarely talk on the phone, and we don't IM often either. We're in daily contact via texting.
We used to IM all day every day for the first three months. Then just in the evenings for the next month or two. Now we hardly do it anymore. Texting, while not being my favourite way to communicate, does have an advantage of being able to do other stuff too and stretch out the conversation.
Most of the time we don't talk about anything, just the same old, "how was your day" type of stuff. There isn't really much else to talk about.
There is such a thing as too much contact, and maybe his buffer gets filled up sooner than yours. Maybe he finds the kind of conversation you're having is too straining. Especially if it's on Skype. I know Skype is just too intense for my boyfriend to do it on a daily basis.

[Sharon Q]

We talk in the evenings on IM and sometimes skype. We can't afford cell phones or LD so we never talk on the phone I don't even have a number for where he is at.

[MadMolly]

He might just need some space. I wouldn't take it too harshly unless he starts fobbing you off a lot more.