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Going the Distance WITHOUT parents approval..(17 year old)

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    Going the Distance WITHOUT parents approval..(17 year old)

    My SO lives in Alaska...
    and a while back i told my mother if i can go visit her.
    My mother said "yah, just raise the money and you can go"

    Now that i have the money she says I'm crazy, and that i cant go.
    But im planning to do it anyways....
    I promised her that i will go, so I'm going to do it...
    i Really want to show her that i really do love her.. and that i will go through all that for her...
    i want to see her for at least one day, to tell her in person that i love her..
    i never broke a promise and not planning to break this one.

    the only thing I'm worried about is getting some type of Motel since i will only be 17 at the time and you have to be 18 or 21...

    so the question is....

    Do you guys think I'm crazy for doing this at my age?
    I have all the money to go and stay for a while.
    i was thinking about telling my older sister to go with me, but idk...


    What do you guys recommend i do?

    #2
    I don't know what to tell you, I'm 27 so I already have been some years without the necesity of parents approval. And when I was younger they were flexible with me, I mean, maybe on the begining they said no to something, but if I sit with them and explain my reasons and showed them that I really wanted that something, most of the time they would change their minds, specially because I never ask for anything too crazy and they knew I was a good girl and I wouldn't end in a group that get droged or rob people or something bad...

    I think to ask your sister to go with you is not a bad idea, and maybe your parents will see it like you are not going alone and she will protect you in any situation... But I would try to convince my parents, i never liked to do something behind them. So maybe you can talk to them and try to make them understand you, and propouse them the idea of your sister going with you...

    Comment


      #3
      If you go without your parent's permission whats going to happen when you return? As you're only 17 I imagine you still live with them and depend on them for quite a lot, and doing something this huge without really getting their approval first could really break their trust in you and have quite a lot of consequences ie, your computer/phone/car taken away (and how would you communicate with your girlfriend then), not allowed to leave the house except for school, forced to quit your job, etc. This is not something I recommend. Discuss it more with your parents. A LOT more.

      Comment


        #4
        I know exactly how you feel I'm 17 also, I know you want to see your SO but think about this logically, if you just up and leave without your parents permission you're going to be in huge trouble and I'm not just talking about with your parents, I assume if you just disappear in the middle of the night they're going to get the cops involved who can and will drag you back home assuming you even make it to alaska, they have ways of stopping you before you even get on a plane.

        With that said if your girl loves you so much why would she want you risk getting in that kind of trouble? I know there were days when I wanted to run away to my SO too and he sat me down and talked me out of it even though I know that he wanted to see me more than anything, but he was concerned with my well being. Why can't you just stick it out and wait till you're 18? If SHE really loves you she'll wait and wouldn't make you feel like you needed to fly all the way to alaska behind your parents backs with no way to stay at a hotel.

        Try talking with your mom again, explain things without getting worked up and angry, ask her why she suddenly changed her mind and try to see her side of things before you go running off.

        Notes:
        Met: 8.17.09
        Started Dating: 8.20.09
        First Met: 10.2.10
        Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

        Comment


          #5
          my brother pays for everything i have, phone, internet, laptop, clothes.
          my parents pay for my food and school supply, i have always been a good boy( like staying away from drugs, never fighting at school, alcohol never consumed because i promised both of them.

          i love my parents alot, my dad is the only one that kinda like "just let him"

          but my mom is the one who wears the pants in the house and bosses everyone around.

          i know what your saying, but i promised this girl, so i feel like i need to do it weather they like it or not.
          i have REALLY strong believes in never breaking a promise.
          i never broke a promise like this, and im not planning to anytime soon.



          but i will talk to my parents about this...
          thanks for the advice by the way.
          i really appreciate people like you.

          Much love to you..

          Comment


            #6
            i was planning on telling them before i leave, i dont think they would stop me.
            and the thing is... i made a promise...
            i feel like i need to keep it..
            i know the consequences,
            i thought about this more then a couple of times,
            but its just that promise i made that's killing me..

            But you do have a point...

            Comment


              #7
              Wait till your 18th birthday. Even if your significant other is under 18, she can get in legal trouble if you run away to go visit her. I think it would be pretty selfish to maker her face criminal charges for you.

              Comment


                #8
                I agree with Rosebud.

                I wouldn't drag your older sister into this, and I wouldn't go without your parent's consent. I would sit them down, apologise for how you acted, and ask if it's open to discussion. If it is, then great. If it isn't, you have a year or less until you turn 18.

                Essentially running away without your parents' permission with nothing but money for air fare, seeing as you're unable to rent out a room at a hotel and therefore I'm assuming do not have accomodation, would be, yes, a "crazy" thing to do, and it would be the window of opportunity your parents' need to more or less ground you from all forms of contact you have with your SO. You're 17. No one is worth throwing your life away at 17, and you would be throwing a great deal of freedoms away. That time you have until your 18th birthday? It's going to be a lot worse once your parents "get through with you," so to speak; it'll be a lot worse after damaging, betraying, and losing your parents' faith and trust in you than it would be being patient until you're old enough to go see your SO on your own, without needing to drag anyone else into it. What's better? Waiting x-number of months to see her, or waiting x-number of months simply to talk to her?

                My advice is to talk to your parents and see if they're willing to compromise. If they're not, you have less than a year's time to wait. If they are, then awesome. But running away for "one day" to tell her you love her is not the romantic gesture Hollywood makes it out to be. In the real world, there are consequences, and you have to weigh the pros and the cons. In this case, I think the cons outweigh waiting a little more time and some more months to see her, when you're legally able to make your own decisions and at least stay at some cheap motel.

                EDIT: Sometimes external circumstances prevent us from keeping our promises. This is why I don't make ones I'm not a hundred percent certain I can keep. I would talk to her about. I imagine she, like you, will be disappointed, but she should be understanding.
                Last edited by Haley53; September 27, 2011, 12:59 AM. Reason: Too many spelling errors. D:
                { Our Story on LFAD }


                Our Beginning
                Met online: February 2009
                Feelings confessed: December 2010
                Unofficially together since: January/February 2011
                Officially together since: 08 April 2011

                Our Story
                First meeting in person: 16 August - 14 September 2011
                Second visit: 17 March - 01 April 2012
                Third visit: 23 July - 13 September 2012
                Fourth visit: Looking at 23 March - 6 April 2013

                Our Happily Ever After
                to be continued...

                Comment


                  #9
                  you by far has given me the best advice, i think i will be taking your advice...

                  thanks for helping a fellow LDRer...

                  much love to you...

                  Comment


                    #10
                    im not trying to make it seem like any hollywood movie...
                    this is real...
                    but you are right....

                    i was planning to see her next summer (June) my 18th B-Day will be 4 months later...

                    i think i might be able to wait a little longer..

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Because your only 17 I think it will be a bit hard. I would say as hard as it is, I think you need to just wait until your 18, to work out all the legal stuff such as getting a hotel, plane ticket and and such. And with that time you can save up more, for either a longer visit or another visit. And show your parents too how committed you are. And your girl will understand if she loves you. Because yeah its hard but I always think its worth the wait. Hang in there
                      I love you Nathan <3
                      sigpic
                      5/25/09 <3

                      Comment


                        #12
                        How old is your SO? Maybe she can travel near you if you can't travel near her.

                        You also can try to speak more to your mother, tell how important it is for you and that you will be fine. You would allow her to speak to your SO and your SO parents by Internet or phone. She can feel more sure if she sees that your SO and her parents are trustable people.

                        And finally, like other people said... Can you wait some months until you turn 18? I know it can sound hard but many people in this website waited really long time for meet. It has a positive side; if you wait more you will know her more, you will feel more sure and you will save more money for have a longer and better trip.
                        Why am I always trying the impossible?

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I agree with Rosebud and everyone else. It won't be long before you're 18. Try and hang in there. But I strongly suggest you talk this through your parents a lot more and try and get their support - it will probably be something you regret if you just up and go at their disapproval.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I say go for it. Let love lead you to where you want to go!

                            You have the money, so go!

                            I moved to Los Angeles at age 17 (3 years ago) without my parents consent. I just bought the ticket and left. 3 months later, I was homeless and they loved me so I went back home. 1 year later, moved to New Orleans, than 4 months after that back to Los Angeles.

                            Now I know you aren't moving there but don't just stay back wishing You actually went. Live, laugh, love. Live a life with no regrets. Just do it!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Alright, now that I'm in front of a computer instead of my phone, I'm going to justify my answer before I get ridiculed for my answer.

                              OP, you apparently love this girl but she's in Alaska. So you tell your mom that you want to go and she specifically said once you save up enough money, you can go. Now that you have the money, she doesn't want you to go. Tell her that the original agreement was decided upon which is a verbal contract. If you really wanted to, you'd go with or without her consent. But because you are only 17, everyone is going to tell you to wait until you're 18.

                              I'm going to bring the harsh reality into this conversation. You don't know if you'll make it to 18. You don't know if you'll even wake up to read this message. Each day is a GIFT! Man, if I were you, I would book the next flight to Alaska! Carpe Diem!!! (Seize the day!!!)

                              If you wait to go and you get hit by a big mac truck.. your girl in Alaska will never have gotten the chance to hear you express it to her in person. You had a verbal contract with your mother and you came through on your end. The least she can do is come through on your end.

                              Now, for motels. Why not just ask to sleep on your woman's couch or if you could just shower at her place and you'll sleep in the car. It would save you money and you can spend more time with your woman.

                              Now if you want to ridicule my actions, message me. Don't diminish this poster because he has a burning love and desire to meet his woman! Who he thinks is his true love. Let him see for himself! Remember OP.. Carpe Diem.

                              Best of luck,

                              -Andrew

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