Going the Distance WITHOUT parents approval..(17 year old)

[Haley53]

Alright, now that I'm in front of a computer instead of my phone, I'm going to justify my answer before I get ridiculed for my answer.

OP, you apparently love this girl but she's in Alaska. So you tell your mom that you want to go and she specifically said once you save up enough money, you can go. Now that you have the money, she doesn't want you to go. Tell her that the original agreement was decided upon which is a verbal contract. If you really wanted to, you'd go with or without her consent. But because you are only 17, everyone is going to tell you to wait until you're 18.

I'm going to bring the harsh reality into this conversation. You don't know if you'll make it to 18. You don't know if you'll even wake up to read this message. Each day is a GIFT! Man, if I were you, I would book the next flight to Alaska! Carpe Diem!!! (Seize the day!!!)

If you wait to go and you get hit by a big mac truck.. your girl in Alaska will never have gotten the chance to hear you express it to her in person. You had a verbal contract with your mother and you came through on your end. The least she can do is come through on your end.

Now, for motels. Why not just ask to sleep on your woman's couch or if you could just shower at her place and you'll sleep in the car. It would save you money and you can spend more time with your woman.

Now if you want to ridicule my actions, message me. Don't diminish this poster because he has a burning love and desire to meet his woman! Who he thinks is his true love. Let him see for himself! Remember OP.. Carpe Diem.

Best of luck,

-Andrew

The OP can't even rent a car. o.o Pretty certain in most places you have to be 21 and have been driving for x-number of years with proof of this, this, and that.

I simply do not think it's worth the potential risk of not being able to speak to your SO at all, because if you're (OP) the sort who's always behaved well, they're going to see this "misbehaviour" as abnormal and likely blame your girlfriend for being a bad influence. I imagine you'd rather wait and have her make a positive impression, or at the very least, her own impression.

I think a part of the reason I'm so against this is because I've seen this happen and I've seen it go so horribly wrong. I had a friend literally put out of house and home, and instead of looking for the resources she had there, she came to Texas - her SO's home state - on what was more or less a plane ticket and holiday money. What happened when that ran out? She was unable to drive, therefore legally unable to rent a car (in her case, she was older). She didn't have enough money for accomodation, and she was unable to stay with her SO. She hardly had the money to eat. As I remember, what she had planned to do was stay in the US on holiday for around 6 months and figure everything out here before going back; this, obviously, did not work out, but I simply wanted to point out how she was essentially defenceless so far away from her home country and thus, home resources. So OP, if you end up deciding to go, do use your better judgment and have enough money in the case of a) an emergency and b) for accomodation, food, and travel.

That said, I agree that one should "seize the day" but it's unlikely he's going to end up "getting hit by a truck tomorrow." Yes, every day is a gift; that doesn't mean we should abuse it. In no way am I diminishing him and in no way am I ridiculing you, I'm simply trying to be practical and look at this logically. But then, I don't think that losing a parent's trust and faith in you - I am assuming, at the moment, that the OP has some relatively decent freedoms, whether or not they're to go to Alaska tomorrow - is worth, well, anyone. My SO is a definite priority to me, but so is my schooling, my family... For me, I have to find a way to make all of it work together (for me, quite gratefully it does) simply because I do see each of them being symbiotic to one another. Go deep enough and they're all strongly tied and rooted together in ways. But even if the OP does not care about his family, even if the OP could currently care less about their consequences, even if the OP puts his SO first, first, first all the time, then he's going to have to wonder what happens if his family restricts him from all methods of communicae?

I simply don't think some risks are worth the potential consequences, whereas other are. "Seize the day!", sure, but do it carefully. You wouldn't go into an all-out war completely naked with a red target painted on your front and backside simply to scream out that you love someone (then again, maybe some would :P). You might, however, go into a war once you've been armed and armoured.

OP -- You say you weren't planning to go see her until June anyway? Then you have plenty of time. Continue earning your money; think of it as insurance. When the time comes closer, you can revisit it with your mother then.

[lucybelle]

So everyone's saying "wait til you're 18" but I don't think this is a magical number. Sorry but you're still a baby at 18. I think you need to wait until you're INDEPENDENT. As in, when you are supporting yourself, living on your own, job, etc. If you still live in your parent's house, I don't care if you're 18 or 48, you follow your parents' rules. That's just how it is. Sorry but I think this is going to take longer than originally planned. Lots of couples have yet to meet and it has been years for them.

[Minerva]

Every day is a gift and I might die tomorrow but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and smoke crack because the high is so awesome. Seize the day of course, but understand actions have consequences. If you can live with those consequences, go for it. But if you can't, then temper your actions with some wisdom.

Life is short and sometimes doing the crazy thing works out. But life isn't a Hollywood romcom. Things don't always work out, and a mistake can haunt for a long time. So if you don't get hit by that truck, you could be living the consequences of an impulsive choice for years.

And it isn't fair to enter a discussion and then ask people to send PMs if they don't agree. The discussion is here. I'll keep my replies here, thanks.

[rusty15]

You are so young. Did you graduate high school yet? Do you plan on going to college?
You should wait and apply for a college in her area than go there but live in the dorm/on your own when you're there to decide if you even like it there, if you still want to be with your S/O

I'd wait listen to your mom and wait, don't go.

[JennyRW]

So everyone's saying "wait til you're 18" but I don't think this is a magical number. Sorry but you're still a baby at 18. I think you need to wait until you're INDEPENDENT. As in, when you are supporting yourself, living on your own, job, etc. If you still live in your parent's house, I don't care if you're 18 or 48, you follow your parents' rules. That's just how it is. Sorry but I think this is going to take longer than originally planned. Lots of couples have yet to meet and it has been years for them.

Lucybelle is right, I don't see any difference in being 17 or 18 if you are not independent. At 18 they can still decide to take your computer and phone bcause you traveled without their concent... That is why I think the best idea is to talk to them, try to make them understand you and your feelings. I think they are scared that you are their baby and you are traveling alone to visite people that you don't know and to be honest there are too many crazy people in internet so it is a valid reason to be scare for their son. So I think it is a good idea, when you talk to them, to tell them what about your sister going with you, or one of your parents, or someone that they trust, so they will have peace of mind that you are safe.

[HollzHeartsChris]

If your sister is willing to go with you, then I don't see why you couldn't go to visit your SO. However, talk to your parents first and tell them how you feel, that with your sister by your side, you should be alright. I understand they'd be worried if you went off on your own to visit someone you've never met before, so reassure them and earn their trust and confidence before you go anywhere.

[megfashion]

hiya.

im 17 too, my boyfriend going on 19. he is 216 miles away, which is abit different to yours.
However, i have no means of going to where he is.

I have talked to my parents about going on my own and sleeping round his flat. however, they say i cant because of the fact that there might be violent people about, and also i "might get pregnant if you sleep with him" (which of course, im going to risk everything and do just that?? *sarcasm*).

The best thing to do is talk to them, express how you really feel, show how much it means to you.

I did just that and will be driven down there and will be spending 2 nights down there. yes, i will be in a travelodge with parents, but it was a compromise. maybe ask them if they want to come along too.


Hope this helps. just talk to them and show much it means to you, they dont want to be mean to you.
x

[Moon]

For the record OP, the guy telling you to seize the day, and how he did and was homeless in L.A. for four months....that's great and all, but there's a HUGE difference between being homeless in southern California and homeless in Alaska. Think about it. Otherwise you've gotten good advice here, I hope you listen to it. It's hard to wait, I know, but just keep up the communication with your parents because running away definitely won't help your situation. I know you promised, but until you're out on your own, and not a minor living at home, there's not a whole lot you can do except apologize for having to delay your promise. It'll be OK, really it will

[floridaellen]

You could be putting yourself in a bad situation. It's not worth traveling so far away at such a young age without your parents support. One time, I did something similiar. I went to a guy's house without my parent's approval when they were away. It turns out they were right; it was a bad situation for me. I ended up being assaulted and I couldn't even tell them because I didn't want them to know that I did it. It's not worth risking everything.

[PlurAnnunaki]

To Everyone who Commented on this Thread, I want to thank you all for your support and answers...
Some people say that it will not be safe to do so, It can be true.

I met my SOs mom through webcam and she seems to like me...
i still have a couple of months to keep my promise alive and well. ( And im not gunna let the promise i made to her just DIE)
i don't want to be a promise breaker...

and im still looking for ways to go With parents approve....
i hope i didn't seem like a stuck up little kid that thinks hes old enough to do everything by him self and doesn't need his parents...

its just the fact that i made the promise... you know what i mean?
i think im a pretty smart 17 year old, and i did think about the stuff that can happen if i do go..
everyone gave great answers and advice...
i really want to show all you on the Loving From a Distance Community how much i appreciate you people...

Well, My sister is a crazy sister that might just say yes to my request... i will see how that goes...


Once again, thank you guys for your support..


----- Love Jesse.....

---------- Post added at 08:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:44 PM ----------

Love is a crazy thing.... it can make you think differently..

[Moon]

Jesse, you don't seem like a stuck up little kid at all, no worries. Maybe slightly stubborn, but that's pretty common for a guy your age Everybody just wants to make sure your making the best decision you can and looking at all your options. Stick around though and keep us updated, we are happy to help!