Need help please!

[caseysgirl]

Hi everyone
I joined this site 4 and a half months ago when my LDR started. My boyfriend has been away at school since the end of May and we are 1000+ miles apart. I haven't needed to be on the forum for the most part because everything IS going smoothly and perfectly. Plus he comes home in 22 days and the distance will be closed for good


I suffer a lot from anxiety and the other night I had a nighmare he cheated on me. I have no idea why I would have such nightmare. He's never lied to me, or done anything to really have me question his trust. But I have been cheated on before from my last ex. He gets very sad when I mention these feelings to him because again- I have honestly no reason to feel this way in this relationship. However now after that vivid nightmare, he's no longer staying in the dorm at school because there were too many incoming freshman so him and 3 other guys are at the local hotel for 2 weeks. He called me up all excited because he'd have more privacy (he's rooming with the other guy who had a girlfriend) and can talk to me more via phone and skype with privacy. I couldn't help but have the thoughts eat at me that him not being at the dorm would be an "open opportunity" for him to encounter someone. It also made him sad that I didnt show more excitement for our new found privacy we'll have for most of his time left there

I know this sounds crazy and I know it sounds like I don't trust him. I know It's just me being nuts but it's eating at me. I have to leave for work now and I'm gonna be miserable all day long

Please help me. I need advice...

[snow_girl]

When ever I have dreams about my SO its always about him either kissing someone else or leaving me. They are never ever lovely dovey, I"ve gotten used to it but it has nothing to do with me not trusting him or thinking he is going to actually do what he does in the dreams. I would try not to worry about his new place, he has no more access to meeting new people then if he was living on campus. If he wanted to 'encounter' someone he would do it regardless of where he sleeps. He is excited he can talk to yo more, enjoy it.

[JennyRW]

I don't understand why you turture yourself, if you know there is no reason to doubt about him, why you do it? it's not fair that you judge him because of what ur ex did, you are punishim him when he didn't do anything. Be happy that he has more privacy so you can talk better, and be happy taht in 22 days the distance will end! Don't drown youself in a glass of water...

[Sharon Q]

I had a dream while on vacation with my SO that he had found someone else. I woke up with him next to me almost in tears and I told him about the dream, he assured me that he didn't want anyone else and held me.

I find it best to talk about the negative dreams you have about him that way he can assure you on the matter. The one thing you need to remember is that its just a dream

[littleone]

Both me and my SO have bad and good dreams and discussing em' made the bad ones easier to deal with.

[Minerva]

I suffer a lot from anxiety and the other night I had a nighmare he cheated on me. I have no idea why I would have such nightmare.

[my bold]

There's your answer. You're closing the distance in 22 days. You're stressed. You're dreaming your worst fear and now that it's in your head you're looking for clues in the real world. And now instead of being excited about closing the distance, you're worried and miserable.

From one neurotic to another: SNAP OUT OF IT. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something all right: that your worst fear is your SO cheating. Stop trying to make it more than that.

Take a breath, relax, drink tea, read, keep busy; DO ANYTHING but dwell on this dream. It's a dream. It's not a premonition. Let it fade the way dreams are meant to.

Good luck and congratulations on the pending distance closed.

[mllebamako]

I agree with what everyone else is saying. First of all, it's just a dream. Like snow_girl said, practically the ONLY dreams that feature my SO are ones where he's cheating on me or being a total jerk. It's just a dream. It may reveal what you are worrying about or subconsciously thinking about but it is NOT predicting the future.

Closing the distance or even just visits, for me, were always anxiety inducing before I left. Yes, I was excited to close the distance but I was always anxious, nervous, and full of weird dreams. It's normal and you just have to push through this.

[HollzHeartsChris]

A dream is just a dream. It doesn't mean that it's going to happen, and it doesn't mean it has happened. You need to not worry about this dream so much because you're just gonna end up making yourself feel even worse. Dwell on anything but the dream, focus on the fact that your SO is coming home in 22 days and that you'll be able to see him again. Don't make a problem out of something that isn't a problem. I understand it upset you, I've had dreams where I've seen my SO die and they're not nice one bit, and although they upset me to start off with, I don't dwell on them for long because otherwise I'll just end up driving myself crazy for no reason. Just take a deep breath and relax, everything is fine, your SO hasn't cheated on you, and there are no problems. So FORGET it.

[Haley53]

Yes, sometimes dreams can hint at what's going on, and I do believe in precognitive dreaming, but there's also the fact that our conscious minds don't always 100% understand our subconscious minds. For example, sometimes we analyse a "sign" or "symbol" in our dreams as something it's not; this is, in part, because I think a lot of people, based on not understanding their subconscious minds, don't realise that it's not always a literal symbol, and it's not always something outlandish. One example of this is that a pattern with me is during when I feel most out of control, I tend to have nightmares involving, mainly, horses. Horses are such a symbol of strength and power to me in my conscious world that it translates to my subconscious when I start feeling powerless.

Your subconscious is also a way of working through anxieties, both conscious and those "things" that have been so repressed that they're no longer conscious, in a way. Why do you think we go into new relationships with baggage from our old relationships, or from our histories? It's because everything leaves a mark or scar in our subconscious, and even if we've consciously moved past something, there is often a subconscious belief that remains in its place (unless this, too, has been worked on and through); this can surface at various times, but I've noticed that my fears and anxieties tend to surface most when I'm distressed.

I feel like one of the better ways to handle nightmares and bad dreams is to talk about them, but don't dwell on them. Tell him that you weren't as excited because you had a dream that dug up old feelings of fear and insecurity, left over by your ex. Have him reassure you and then move on from it. In the end, the dream you had about him cheating may not even consciously and literally translate to that. It may be representative of the emotions you felt when your ex cheated on you that are now being felt around your current SO. Though water is considered, by many, to be the key symbol for "emotion" in dreams, I tend to find that most things in dreams are emotional and representative of the complex emotions we don't face, deal with, work through, or have to think about in our waking world.

You're closing the distance in 22 days and until then, you have privacy to share with your partner. There's nothing more to it than that. Be excited for it! Get the reassurance if you need it but don't dwell on something that has no logical support and based off of something that's likely not a literal interpretation.