We've never had a fight like this before...

[jiynx]

......as if things weren't bad enough. I posted a blog this morning about how things were feeling different between my SO and I.

https://members.lovingfromadistance....lways-fighting

Anyway, we got in a big fight that resulted in "maybe this isn't going to work out" "well, maybe it isn't!". He got a call in, so he said he would phone me back. Some time passed so I tried calling him. His mom said he had left. I broke down. For the past hour, I've been crying. I'm so scared that he's done for good. Yeah.. lots of you will say that if it's meant to work out, it will. But those of you who say that don't understand - he IS the one for me. If we break up, I don't know what I'd do.

Our fight started when he found a picture of Marilyn Monroe that he said looked like me. I had some self-concious issues in the past, so he was trying to up my feelings about my body. The way he said it, I took it the wrong way and thought he was telling me I was too big. So we ended up in a big fight that included my grandpas death, me moving, and other stresses.

I'm so scared that he wont' call me back and I'm never going to talk to him again. He's my one and only. I could use someone (s) to talk to. Fire away.

[Anolinde]

There's always that first big fight couples have, don't let anyone tell you that most people are perfectly happy and get along great all the time. Make peace with the fact that fights happen, even big ones and that it just takes time for people to calm down before they are ready to make up. We say awful things when we're hurt and upset. Doubts arise but that is just manifestation of insecurity and it happens. He'll come around and hopefully you can talk it out calmly. Miscommunications happen and sometimes they cause ugly fights, but you've got to recognize it for what it is and just let it go. I hope you feel better and for now try not to worry, just relax and take it in stride.

[ashleecarol]

It is funny some times you start off fighting about one main thing and set off a string of stressors that were never meant to go together. My SO and I do this when we have huge fights. It is one thing that sets me off and somehow, when we get into the beef of our fight it turns into a "YA KNOW WHAT?! There is this OTHER thing pissing me off too!!" and so on, so forth. The emotional volcano explodes.

I would say to just give it some time. I've had fights with my SO that I disappeared for a week afterwards because I had to clear my head and settle things for myself before I could come back to work it out with him. How could I possibly expect to fix this together if I couldn't even understand all of it for myself? It was so much so quickly!! It may be the same for him. After the emotional volcano erupts between the two of you, it takes a while to really understand deeply what truly happened.

Once he smooths it out for himself, the news he comes back with can be good or bad. I know that you are scared to hear the latter, but hopefully he will give you the opportunity to explain what you thought about the situation now that you each got a chance to reflect on it on your own. My advice for you now is to just look at the situation for yourself, let him take the time he needs (though it may be painful and you want to talk to him), and hopefully explain it to each other calmly when you do get the opportunity to talk. Good luck! <3

[jiynx]

So I found him at his friends house. Is this too much to hunt him down via phone? Anyway, he said he didn't want to talk to me right now but I just asked him to listen to what I had to say. I just told him what I posted before: things have been happening to me and I haven't been dealing with them at all. just shoving them aside. And I don't want to lose him and that I'm so sorry. He said he didn't want to lose me either and that he'll phone me when he gets home. I hope he does.

GOod thing? Bad thing?

@Anolinde - this isn't our first fight. We've had plenty. This is just the first one like this. Never been this hostile before.

@ashleecarol - thank you this conforts me. I'm hoping we can just talk when he gets home. I've never felt like this about anything, let alone anyone before.

[Sierra]

Ugh, ok. I'm one of those people who REALLY needs some time away from the person I'm fighting with if it's a big fight. I understand how the other person could be stressed out as well but in order for me to not completely destroy whatever relationship we have (friendship, relationship, whatever) I NEED to be left alone. Give him his space. You'll have to cope with your anxiety.

Give him his space and he'll get in touch with you when he's ready. My ex-fiance had to realize this about me, there were times he'd just need to hear me say "we're not going to break up, just go away" but I could not, for the life of me have a conversation about the fight until I sorted through how I was feeling. I offered him the reassurance he needed and it sounded like your SO did the same thing. If he's anything like me, even if he doesn't call you tonight, he WILL be in touch, just give him his time. Pushing it can push him away.

[Minerva]

Let it be. If you track him down and don't let him breathe, he's going to keep trying to put the space he needs between you. When you're upset with someone, sometimes the last thing you want is to be around that person, even if you love them. If you push, all you're going to do is remind him how much he wants space from you.

When he's sorted his head, he'll be ready to talk.

You both need to cool down and calm down, and when you can both talk without getting over emotional, then you can figure out where you stand.

In the meantime, I know this is hard, but trust me, you both need space. You're too raw right now, and you aren't ready to fix anything.

Take care.

[ashleecarol]

I agree with what everyone has stated. I know it kills you because you really want to talk, but you need to consider that he seems to really need some space. You got enough out of him that he doesn't want to end things. Consider this a good sign. You want to be inside his head and figure it all out, but he needs to figure it out his own way on his own time. He'll let you know.

My SO bugged me the first few times I told him I needed to be alone and it made things worse. I wasn't ready to talk and I was still too stressed. He finally stepped back to let me relax and work things through with myself before I could come back to work it out together. He was a nervous wreck, but he has learned that it is actually for the best. Without space, I get more enraged and tend to be more brutal. I don't want to be, but unfortunately that is how I am in high-emotional situations. I say a lot of things I don't truly mean and it is just better for me to disappear so I can cool my head. Try and relax (though that is easier said than done). Watch a movie, do anything you can possibly do to occupy your time while he cools off. Hopefully he'll respect you for giving him the time and realizing it was what he needed.

[Miramaid]

I know it sux, but I am kind of smiling at your fight. Reasons like this one now seem so much smaller to me compare to the reasons me and my SO fight over.
It will be all good. Do not worry about it. Just talk and clear things up

[HollzHeartsChris]

I wouldn't pursue him. It'll just make things worse if you pursue the subject with him now. Bide your time, give him some space and let him talk to you first. He'll do so when he's ready. Good luck, and I hope things improve drastically for you both.

[Xanahtas]

Me and my SO recently had a big arguement, over something really stupid. It's hard but you need to give him some space. He just needs to clear his head for a day or so until he wants to resolve it. It will sort itself out, just give it time and dont chase after him.