Newbie - Sad and looking for support

[Div]

Hello all,

I'm married and my husband and I have been in an LDR for 2 months now. We live at a 4-hour flying distance from each other and we've managed to meet up every weekend. We're having to do this because this is the first decent job I've got, I'm on a contract, and we both need to work due to financial reasons. We've decided that if, in one year, he's not able to move to where I am, I will move to where he is and find a job there, even if its crappy and we'll make ends meet somehow. We both know that we love each other and we know we're doing this for a reason, but what bothers me most is the fact that everybody we meet always has something to say about the fact that we're living away from each other. I hate having to listen to every tom, dick and harry give me advice on how I should just do something about it. We are trying to do something about it, but I hate having to explain the situation to people all the time. His family isn't very supportive either, and it seems like I'm becoming more and more anxious just by listening to what everybody else has to say. I feel sad and depressed, and today at work, my manager mentioned in front of my colleagues that "my family situation doesn't seem too stable". That hurt!

I looked through this forum and all of you seemed very supportive, and support's what I'm looking for. Do you all think its worth doing this and having to listen to random people's comments on my life situation? Is there anyone who can give me suggestions on how I can handle situations like the one I faced today? I'd love to hear from y'all.

[Miramaid]

Think about it as if you are a military family. Soliders go overseas for 6, 12,14,18 months...and their wives wait for them. They can not even call each other sometimes, not to mention see each other every weekend.
I think seeing each other every weekend if pretty darn good! It is only for one year. If you both love each other you will make it. You see each other quite a bit. Hope u are able to keep it up. Start looking for jobs where he is (or vise versa). It is possible that you actually close the distance before one year is over, if any one of you finds a job

[Mara]

First off, don't let anything anyone has said bother you. People are always going to pass judgment and make little snide comments and remarks on situations that they have not been in or don't understand. It's where the old adage walk a mile in my shoes comes from. If it isn't essential or doesn't come up that you and your husband are living apart, at least with random people or people you aren't close to or people who have no reason to know, I wouldn't mention it. No need having to try to explain to tons of people a very personal situation that they most likely won't even understand.

If people start to give your advice or commentary you don't want to hear you could always cut them off with, "I appreciate your concern, but we have everything under control. The situation isn't ideal, but we are doing what is in our best interest," or something along those lines. Don't be rude, but make it clear you don't want to hear their advice or opinion either.

As for your manager, in what context was that said? It sounds awfully unprofessional especially if it was in front of your colleagues.

In the end, is it worth it? I'm not sure, but if you both need two incomes and he can't find a job where you are right now, I don't see an alternative. Being long distance isn't the worse thing in the world either. The two of you have a plan for the future, regular visits, and a stable relationship. There are much, much worse things.

[Moon]

You're just doing what you have to to survive, it's not easy, but you're already 1/3 of the way through the year goal you've set for yourself. People who don't understand LDR's are always critical, and rude people always feel they have the right to state their stupid opinions, you just have to stay strong. It'll be hard, but you CAN do it! If you look at those of us on this site, many of us do it for years, so you definitely came to the right place

Just focus on finishing up that contract, and both of you work on finding something in the same place. Try your best to ignore people who feel the need to lecture you or make you feel bad, in this economy, you gotta do what you gotta do, nothing you can do about it. Stick around and get comfortable here, we all understand and you'll feel less alone.

[Rugger]

You learn to ignore others' comments. What they think doesn't matter. They aren't the one in the LDR and many people are bitter about LDRs because theirs' didn't work out.

Focus on you and your husband and let the haters hate.

---------- Post added at 09:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:14 AM ----------

You learn to ignore others' comments. What they think doesn't matter. They aren't the one in the LDR and many people are bitter about LDRs because theirs' didn't work out.

Focus on you and your husband and let the haters hate.

[Haley53]

I don't have more to add than what's already been said, but I do get where you're coming from. I've actually had people consider that I must not "truly love" my boyfriend because I haven't dropped out of school to move to be with him and because I can't currently afford studying abroad. My partner would never ask me to sacrifice my education and as only a third year university student on track to obtaining her PhD... Eh, what surprises me is I've received some of this from people who have been in or who are in LDRs. And if that plan worked for them, great, but I can't do what I want to do without a Masters at least and I'm aiming for higher. I simply wanted you to know that you're not alone. I think it's easy for people to say do this or do that without really considering the consequences or the end result. But you have to do what's best for you in your situation and it sounds like you're doing the best you can. Hang in there. <3