Is it odd NOT to fight?

[princessmeg1328]

My SO and I have been together, and I've lived with him for just over three months. In that time, we've had disagreements and little arguments but we've never had a big fight. Usually if one of us gets upset, we take some time out and then we come back together later and talk about it. Communication is always important, but it would suck to say something mean just because you're upset whether LD or CD.

[LeilaniJoi]

Definitely not jealous of those that do fight, so please don't read that into it. I just wondered because this is the first relationship I've been in where I DIDN'T fight at some point. We disagree sometimes but the meanness never comes out. I think I'd be crushed if it did. He's very quiet and broody too and I've learned when things do get tense (which is rare) to just hush and sit for a bit and he always comes around. It's kind of funny actually how it works but it works so I'm happy. It's good to hear there are others out there that don't find the screaming, throwing things fights necessary. I was beginning to think it was definitely something odd (and good!) about us. Talking things through is always better than arguing IMHO.

[lucybelle]

I think it has to do with temperament more than anything. If you and your SO are normally calm people, you are less likely to get into a yelling argument. If you are both hot-headed and want to speak your mind no matter what, then you are more likely to be more aggressive in those situations.

[mllebamako]

I agree with lucybelle, it depends on the personalities. My SO and I don't "fight" per se, no screaming or yelling or feeling really angry or not talking to each other for days at a time. There are frustrating disagreements or arguments that we talk out. And I often cry during arguments. But we have nothing like the fights you see in movies or on TV.

[Alisz]

No, I don't think so. I used to feel this way too. We've had only ONE fight and I honestly can't remember what it was about. It also happened well after a year we'd been together and only lasted a few hours before we were back to our old lovey selves. :/

We're far from being two peas in a pod too. There are lots of things we don't see eye-to-eye on, but I guess on the big important ones we're pretty much in agreement with. Morals, ethics, politics, and all that stuff. Even the things we don't agree with we're content to have our say and agree to disagree. We do bicker sometimes, but that's all it ever is. It ends just as soon as it began and it's usually the product of outside stress, under the weather or lack of sleep.

I think some couples work out their issues different than others. Some fight more and get initial frustrations out, so then later when they talk it can be resolved more calmly. Some "talk" their way through yelling. And others can skip the dramatic scene and get right into the serious talking. I think it would be strange if a couple was in agreement with EVERYTHING. Because then you know there is a communication issue and someone isn't being completely honest about their opinions. It's highly unlikely for any two people to have the exact same views on every issue. At least, I think it is.

[WakeUpSusie]

In 5.5 years of being together, my SO and I have only had two fights (read: huge effing blowouts that lasted for hours). However, both times I felt they were necessary and the issues at hand disappeared afterwards. We bicker and disagree about things, but overall we are very calm and rational people when it comes to disagreements.

[Minerva]

I never fought with my ex-husband. Even when I was giving birth, the nurses commented on how nice I was to him (I guess the stereotype of the wife yelling at the husband during birth is true?). The reason we didn't fight was because we were both conflict avoidant. So when he finally get fed up with me and left, he laid out a list of all the things I'd done wrong over the years, and I matched it with a list of my own. Fun fun fun.

My SO and I bicker a bit sometimes, mostly over silly stuff or over some misperceived hurt. I wouldn't say we've ever fought, but I could see it happening at some point because I can be a drama queen and he doesn't seem to be the type to hold back if he's really upset. It's just who we are and it doesn't worry me. It's never fun to have disagreements, but I'd rather get it out than let it simmer and boil over.

And that's what's important I think. So long as you aren't avoiding issues and swallowing anger or hurt, it's fine if a couple never fights. Some people talk calmly, some people bicker it out, some people need a big blow up to open their eyes. As long as you're honest, open, and respectful, I'd say there's a spectrum of healthy conflict resolution.

[HollzHeartsChris]

My SO and I have never fought over something. Never once yelled, struck out, been mean, anything like that. We get a little agitated from time to time, and I'll admit I've snapped a couple of times when I've been feeling like he's left me out, but we've never honestly ever had an argument. I don't think it's odd at all, I think it's a good thing.

[Trethsparr]

I agree with lucybelle, it depends on the personalities. My SO and I don't "fight" per se, no screaming or yelling or feeling really angry or not talking to each other for days at a time. There are frustrating disagreements or arguments that we talk out. And I often cry during arguments. But we have nothing like the fights you see in movies or on TV.

Same here!

[Tabitha]

I don't think it's odd. We've never raised our voices with each other. We get into little disagreements every once in a while, but it's mostly things like what to have for dinner, or whose sports team will be the main one we watch if they're both playing at the same time lol.

[bluishskin]

I agree with lucybelle, it depends on the personalities. My SO and I don't "fight" per se, no screaming or yelling or feeling really angry or not talking to each other for days at a time. There are frustrating disagreements or arguments that we talk out. And I often cry during arguments. But we have nothing like the fights you see in movies or on TV.

Yup, similar with me. The important thing is to sit down together, be open to each other and talk it over to find solutions. I'm basically a conflict avoidant, and it became a boomerang for me in my past relationship where I far too often just became quiet and gave in which (I think) made my ex feel it was easy to intimidate me. My SO has been very supportive in making me talk more openly should any problems or disagreements arise. Apart from that, we are definitely not yelling-screaming type of people.

[Xanahtas]

Me and my SO dont fight, we just have disagreements and we talk it over. VERY rarely do we actually fight, and thats normally coz one of us is stressed about something.

[Dziubka]

We don't fight and I don't think it's odd at all.
I can get a bit nervous when I'm stressed and the tiniest nothings can set me off in a raging pit (I know, I know it's definitely something I have to work on) so it has happened before that I yelled at him and then he was really upset.
But it was really about nothing and I wouldn't call that a fight, because thankfully, he doesn't 'fight back' when I'm being an unreasonable bitch.
We've only fought once while not being together, though and that was resolved very quickly.

Frankly, I would be very worried if we had fights over the phone. I would be scared how it's supposed to work out when we'll finally be living together, if we already fought while being long distance.

[msskunk]

That's great that you both never have fight, and be grateful for it!
Me and my SO never have any fight, we always try to talk about our opinions. For me 11 months without fight is a wonderful relationship.

[DemonxOisin]

I think people just deal with things differently. Me and my SO NEVER hang up the phone, or yell at each other, or technically even "get mad" at each other. We do get into "fights" all the time though, which basically consist of one person saying something that makes one or both feel emo. In fact, when we broke up (and it was kind of violent) we never once yelled or hung up. We just both kept trying to logically back up our reasoning. We were apart for something like a week and a half, and through that whole time, we never stopped talking and trying to explain why we were right :P

Oh god, I´m dating Spock.

Was it any more "better" or "mature" than yelling and screaming? Nope. We were both still just being stupid, but showing it in a different way. So to you I say that, whatever is normal for you, is what you should consider normal :P