he hurts me so badly... i don't know what to do

[kimuto208]

ok I felt like i seem never know him b4....

he told me that he is divorced and have 2 kids... just now.

we r together like for 2 yrs... he never plan to tell me that all his things....... i know none abt where he works, his home address, phone no. those personal things.

and u know what i guess he don't ever want to tell me all the above... it's becos his ex wife sicks and he moves to live with them to take care kids. otherwise he would never tell me all i bet.... becos i pressure him... i told him i ran out of time and we need to make decision abt i go to stay with him......

it's been so hurt he hides all things from me.... i feel like i can't trust him.... i don't know what to do. should i still with him

[Engel]

I bet this man is married and was having an 'on-line fling' with you. an emotional affair or whatever.
if you are two years together and he never told you personal details, is because he doesn't want you to know those details. maybe you don't even know his real name. and just invented this story about going back to take care of the sick ex-wife because you wanted to move in with him and start a life together.

i bet he never left her. I'm sorry for saying all that, but this story is really really fishy.

[Laura_N]

I would maybe have understood if it was two weeks we were talking about, and there was a good reason for that, but two years... That doesn't sound right. If he hasn't told you about (ex-)wife and two children during a two-year-relationship, it is not only very wrong towards you but also sounds alarming. It's a big thing to be kept in the dark, and I don't understand why anyone would like to hold that kind of information to themselves unless they have something to hide. Not to mention he hasn't told you his personal details. I agree with Engel, it just sounds like he's come up with a story to tell you. If I were you, I wouldn't trust him anymore, and I would just walk away. I'm sorry to hear he hurt you this way, nobody deserves that.

[xo_Kayla]

I'm sorry you're hurting. That's a rough situation. It's not right that he waited 2 years to tell you this information. Not only an ex wife, but CHILDREN? I think it's awful that he wouldn't tell you something that is such a huge part of his life. I would give you the advice to cut your losses now and end the relationship.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'm seeing red flags everywhere. If he's going to keep things this big away from you, and not even bother to tell you, then I think he's proven that he can't be trusted and that you should get yourself out of this situation as soon as you can. I'm really sorry. I understand this will be hard but you'll feel much worse if you stay in it.

[Sharon Q]

I think it would be best to leave him. He waited two years to tell you this and never gave you any personal information. If he was really divorced he would have told you sooner weather his ex-wife would have freaked out or not, And I don't know of any divorced family that LIVE TOGETHER weather its for the kids or not.

[SquishyLove]

Unfortunately I think this guy was taking you for a ride. If he didn't offer any personal details after 2 years, I hate to say this, but it wasn't a real relationship. I only say this because when you really want to be with a person, even if you originally met online, you will eventually exchange real contact information (phone, address, etc.), and tell details of your life. Me and my SO met online originally, and after several weeks of communication just online and growing affection for each other, within a few days of confessing our feelings for each other we had each other's phone numbers, and soon addresses because we wanted to send letters and gifts to each other. I understand some people are afraid to give real-world contact info to someone they meet online, but if a relationship is forming I think it's weird if that communication doesn't extend into phone and mail, and furthermore, if there are no upcoming plans for a meeting in person I think it's another red flag. I'm sorry but I think this guy is probably still married and has been taking you for a ride. It's very mean and heartless of him to do that sort of thing, to emotionally manipulate someone, because it sounds like you gave your heart to this guy...but honestly if I were in your situation I would have walked away sooner if he refused to give any contact info like phone or address, because it would make me know that he had no intention of taking the relationship to the next step.

Also, I have an acquaintence who had an online "relationship" with a girl from Quebec for something like 4 1/2 years. He refused to see the red flags because he was very infatuated with her and put her on a pedastal, but their only communication was online, and she never gave him her phone number or address, and when he would express the desire to meet in person, her response was usually something to the effect of that she wasn't ready, or that "maybe" they'd meet in person. She would also disappear for awhile and not talk to him for months at a time, and then suddenly reappear and say she was just busy. In a real relationship, that would never fly. SO's should always know what's going on in each other's lives and should always be in touch, and the fact that you could only get in touch with this guy online and only online is a major red flag. I watched my acquaintence go through it for almost 5 years, putting himself on the shelf and not allowing himself to date others despite the fact that she didn't give him the same courtesy, all for a fantasy and a relationship based on imagination. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, because I feel compassion for you and I understand how much you're hurting. What he's done is extremely insensitive and rude. But I think the healthiest thing would be for you to move on now, to close the book on this experience and try to learn from it for the future.

I'm not one of these people who think that a relationship that originates online is bad...no, because my relationship originated online...However, I think that you can tell early on in these relationships where they will go, and whether or not they will be taken to the next level (meeting in person, eventually closing the distance to be together, etc.). Now that you know some red flags, you can know what to look out for in any future relationships, whether they originate online or in person. Best of luck to you, and I think you can someday end up with a loving partner who you can trust and will be truthful and committed to you!

[WakeUpSusie]

Cut your losses and run.

[msskunk]

Realize the red flags and find someone that can give his respect to you.
My ex ever lived in one roof with her ex wife, but it was when he gave her a chance to make up their relationship.
When he hide about his status, especially about his kids, I think he doesn't want you to be part of his life.

[michellemybelle]

I'm sorry you are hurting. There are two major red flags here. The first red flag being that he didn't tell you about his (ex)wife and children earlier. A spouse and children are a huge part of peoples lives.

The second red flag being that you have been with him for 2 years and he has yet to give you any personal details about his life. This man is not interested in a relationship. I'm afraid he is just yanking your chain. I can understand people being apprehensive about giving real life details about their lives to someone they met online; but as your friendship progresses and a foundation of trust has been put in place, then it's okay to give personal details. When you are interested in a person and want to pursue a relationship with them, you want to know as much about them as possible. He has been with you for two years and has yet to give you so much as a phone number or tell you about his job--that means there is something going on.

I think it's been proven that he cannot be trusted. If he hid something as major as a spouse (or ex-spouse) and children, then there's no stopping him from hiding anything else. These are not things people just forget to mention!

I'm sorry you are going through this. My advice would be to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. BTW, I don't think online relationships are bad; in fact my bf and I met on a Christian dating site. As a previous poster mentioned, you can tell how these relationships will turn out and what the next step should be. I wish you the best of luck and that you can find someone, online or in person, that you can trust and have a healthy relationship with!

[Ms.Justine]

Cut your losses and run.

My thoughts exactly. I believe the statement that was said earlier as well. This guy is probably STILL married and it just making excuses to get around his "online-fling" I also had a friend who was in a LDR with a man for 3 years until she found out that he was married with twins...It's really upsetting and heartbreaking, BUT this guys story seems very strange...you should end it and give yourself some time to heal and then look for someone else; who is willing to be honest and trustworthy with you.

hope this helped c:

[JennyRW]

Seriouslly you never notice the red flags? I don't understand how have you been 2 years with someone that don't want to tell you in what he works or where he lives!!!!! I don't think he is divorce, he is married and having an affair and you are the other woman!!!!
OMG If I date someone and 1 month later I don't know any of those personal things I just don't date him anymore! You must be TOO naive! But lear your lesson and don't let this happen never again and about this guy just run away!!!!

[kimuto208]

ya. i am too naive... i asked him abt his job and he described to me a bit..... also he gave me his mobile and office no. b4. i not sure they r real or not... haha

in our first yr, we met a lots actually.... had 3,4 times meet within a yr.... so i tho we r in gd way.

he never tell me abt all these... i guess becos he don't need to take care of his ex wife and kids b4.... as his ex wife still ok and she takes care kids... he didn't do anything to them till his ex wife sicks.... if all his words r true

we been talked and talked much..... i not sure what statue he is now really.... he said that we can move out together but need to live nearby as he needs to take care the kids..... maybe he is telling the truth after we chatted ..... or becos i too trust him .....