Frustrating argument last night

[Bethypoo]

My SO has been working about non stop since we last left each other on Sept 25. We haven't spent much time talking at all and when we do it is usually when I am falling asleep because he has to call so late. Last night he got off work and I called him and as usual we were laying in bed talking. I wanted to change stuff up and get his mind of normal life so I wanted to do things for the 99 things to do from a distance. He was not interested... at all. I just got annoyed and wanted to get off the phone because all he kept saying was that he was tired. for 8 of the 9 months we were together I was the busy one and he had the extra time but i always staid up late or woke up early so I knew that we had time together.

Am I wrong to be annoyed? All I wanted to do was something different.

[Tabbylee]

I understand your frustration. I've actually been feeling the same way a lot lately. We end up talking late at night when we are both tired which makes me feel like I'm getting what's leftover. On the other hand I'm really thankful that he does make time for me everyday no matter how busy or tired he is. I do my best to let him know how I feel without sounding like I'm fussing all the time. Obviously if all I do is complain he isn't going to want to talk to me more. Keep the lines of communication open, let him know how you feel and pray that he see that you need more and will make more of an effort.

He may not have liked the list idea but maybe there is something else you guys could do together that he would enjoy. That long list can be intimidating lol.. Try picking a couple things and suggesting it to him. Mine didn't seem too interested in the list either but when I made our virtual tree he loved it. (He'd already picked out a tree to carve our initials in where he lives and had showed it to me on Google earth).

I'll give you the advice I'm trying to follow myself. Be positive, trust that he loves you and that he's trying. It's frustrating to be so busy but do your best to be supportive and appreciate the effort he does make. Hopefully it will all even out

[Bethypoo]

Thanks tabby

[Tabbylee]

NP just hope I can take my own advice lol.. It gets so frustrating sometimes. I think it's harder for the guys to understand that communications is pretty much all we have in a long distance relationship. I think that that is something women need more of then men too. Lovey dovey communication, I really missing it. I hope things calm down for both of our guys soon.

[CandiCandi]

I can relate to both of you, but I am trying to be more understanding. Mine had a habit of waiting until really late to call me, we didn't have the problem in the beginning. Then, he got a new job and the hours are 2pm-10pm at night. It takes him about an hour to get back home (11), an hour for everyone (he lives with his brother and his brother's girlfriend) to cook and eat, so sometimes it goes over. We actually got into, not really a fight, just a disagreement when he waited until almost 1am a couple of nights ago, but I started seeing things his way. It has basically just been that we're both tired at the end of the day. However, again, I am trying to be more understanding. Last night, he got caught up in talking to his brother about a video game and forgot to text me (he always texts before I call him so I don't interrupt anything, I asked him to do this) so I texted him and he apologized that he got so caught up. I was a little frustrated and when we started talking he asked if I was. I said "I'm trying not to be." He appreciated that I am at least trying to understand. I do agree that the whole bunch of questions could have been intimidating for however late it may have been. Keep in mind, he's working a lot.

[Bethypoo]

I understand it but it is just hard sometimes to apply that understanding because it doesn't make me any less frustrated. The next night after this argument we had a full on fight about everything. Things are better now. When we fought the second time it was more that he knew something was wrong and that things were not going well but wanted them to be right so bad that he just felt that ignoring them would make them go away and that it would pass. it didn't. BUT it was the first time that he actually admitted that he was having a hard time getting back to life in different states and that he just didnt know what to do. We are usually good about talking and such and things have been fine since. Its 2 weeks back into school and things just dont seem right with out him and this point and its really getting to me.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Well, I have to stay up until 12am, 1am my time if I want to catch him after school. I'm pretty used to it by now, and I can go without much sleep since I'm a bit of an insomniac. Keep in mind I'm at university at the moment, studying nursing, which in its own right is a downright demanding course, and he is in his junior year at highschool. Although we talk in the morning for me and the evening for him, he's exhausted by that time and we don't usually get more than 30 minutes. We make up for it at the weekends if he doesn't get too distracted with his xbox, or his parents aren't yelling at him, or he's not got too much homework.

Whilst I admit our time is not as constrained as yours is Bethypoo, I understand how you feel. We've gone from talking for hours every day (we had this routine for a good 7 months) to only being able to talk at specified times. What I will say to you is being extremely busy, his time is extremely constrained and probably he's sacrificing time sleeping so that he can be with you. I understand it's frustrating. Instead of doing loads of little things off the to do list, do a couple like Tabby suggested. It's a good idea and I agree with her That way he won't get uninterested and overloaded.

[CandiCandi]

Well, first things first, at least he finally admitted that there's a problem. Now, I would really consider trying to find a solution --- and not on your own. Talk to him. I know you have already, but you have got to be open with how you are feeling here.

We make up for it at the weekends if he doesn't get too distracted with his xbox

Video games are the true mistress, aren't they?

[Bethypoo]

Yes they are! I was watching an episode of family feud and the question was "what do women through out the window when they find out their boyfriend has cheated on them?" Te most common answer was clothing. My first answer was the video game console. God that thing drives me nuts!

[CandiCandi]

Yes they are! I was watching an episode of family feud and the question was "what do women through out the window when they find out their boyfriend has cheated on them?" Te most common answer was clothing. My first answer was the video game console. God that thing drives me nuts!

That reminds me of a Facebook page I have seen: "He broke her heart so she broke his Xbox. Guess who cried?". Also, an episode of Bridezillas I saw a few weeks back, the woman's soon-to-be-husband wanted nothing to do with helping her plan the wedding. He wanted to play video games so she smashed the thing. I don't think I would ever go that far, though, tbh.

[Kerry]

I went thru a similar thing with my bf. I was always the one who would stayed up all the time in case he called/texted/fb'd me. it caused me a great deal of stress and I cried often. luckily things aren't like this anymore. if they were I don't think we'd be as solid as we are.

[floridaellen]

My SO does this quite often. He works two jobs: at a bagel shop and at an Applebees. The bagel shop job begins at either 4am or 5am and then Applebees job ends around midnight. He normally works the bagel shop and then Applebees in one day. Even if he doesn't have the bagel shop job in the morning, he still is really tired. Sometimes I don't think about this and I get mad when he doesn't want to talk for very long or seems distracted. I just remember that he doesn't do it on purpose or just to be mean.