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It's so hard to find middle ground...

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    It's so hard to find middle ground...

    How do you find your groove? How do you decided how much you need/want to talk to your SO? My boyfriend lives in another country(i live in texas, he lives in canada) and so we can't really talk on the phone too much because it costs on his end. So we use skype When he first moved there he didn't have any friends. We were able to talk on skype every day, he emailed me all the time. Before that we were living together so it felt strange not to talk every day. Now that he has started school I have started to feel neglected. There's never time for me anymore. At first we were talking every night and now we are down to three nights a wk. Sometimes we only talk for 10 minutes. And sometimes he get's busy and he loses track of time and forgets to talk to me at all...The other night we were being intimate on skype(sorry if thats tmi..) and he decided to look something up on google half way through?? Is it wrong of me to get upset over these things? I feel like we don't talk enough. He seems perfectly fine with it. We've been together 2 1/2 years and he doesn't even seem like he misses me. I want him to have friends, I want him to do good in school. But he is doing drugs and partying. If he has time to party all night and sleep in till 4 every day how is it that he doesn't have a little bit more time for me? He is almost 20 and legal drinking age there is 18 so I can understand that he wants to have fun but it is never in moderation. I have tried explaining this to him multiple times and he doesn't seem to understand. He listens and he apologizes but he won't change anything or do anything about it. I feel like i'm the only one working on this relationship. I mean, I'm in school too. I have friends. I'm just as busy and I always make time for him. Am I being stupid? Is it wrong of me to want more attention? How do you find a good, happy middle ground with your SO, especially if they don't like compromise? Is there anything the two of you don't agree on?

    #2
    But he is doing drugs and partying.
    This right here is a huge red flag. He shouldn't be doing drugs.

    You need to sit him down on skype and have a serious conversation about how he is treating you. Its not fair for you, and yes you have a right to be upset. The only way to fix things is by communicating, You need to get on skype with him and start off by saying " Hey can I borrow you for a few minutes? " And then tell him what you just told us.
    " There is always hope.
    "

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      #3
      I've tried so many times. I cant think of any other way to do it. I've asked him to stop, I've asked him to cut back, I've tried to make him stop, I've tried to get him to see it from my perspective..He doesn't listen. It hurts. The other day he told me he got so drunk he didn't even remembered what happened. That is NOT okay and it really scares me. What if he had cheated on me? He could have gotten hurt, gotten arrested, gotten into a car with someone else who had been smoking or drinking. It scares me. He doesn't seem to care...

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        #4
        Right now he feels invincible, and that can go on for years - or until something goes terribly wrong for him.
        I really can't think of anything you can do, because he has to want to put that effort in. I'm sorry he's being a dick right now.
        Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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          #5
          I completely know how you feel. My SO and I have the same home town and when i came home from college over the summer we got so use to acting like a normal CD couple that the separation has really taken a toll on us this time around. You are not over reacting over the skype situation, i wouldn't have been happy either. But drugs... there is really no excuse for that stuff. I get people try things in college but I also think that it is a stupid thing to try and a stupid choice.

          My SO and I talk every night and its rare that we miss a night. However, sometimes i want to talk for hours and he is falling asleep after 10 minutes or vice versa.He is still young so I get that there are things that he is going to want to do. But if after a few time of hearing that it bugs you and that he isnt finding a way to compromise then you need to relook at things and maybe approach it a different way. Good luck!
          Got together Jan 3, 2011~ Closed the Distance March 23, 2012~ Living Together Since June 19 2012~ Future TBD......

          I miss you more than I ever could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal." ~ Vita Sackville-west

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            #6
            Thanks so much. I love that I found this website. It's really nice knowing that there are other people out there who have experienced the same things...

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