did not expect all of these tears today

[rusty15]

I feel like shit right now, I can't stop crying and none of my friends are answering there phones. I need to talk.

So my boyfriend came on skype today and finally talked to me (he's been in germany on vaca. and has limited internet connection), he just came back from a bar so I know he was tipsy/drunk (which he acts like a different person) and told me we are broken up because we want different things.

He said that I want to get married and he doesn't want to for 3-4 more years. (I know being with his brothers prob. have an influence because they are ALL weird about marriage and stuff like that) I never asked him to marry me or anything I think he just thinks I want to really badly is because when my BFF got engaged, I was crying to him on the phone because I was really jealous/PMS'ing about it. How it's not fair to me, but he still loves me and I'm still "his baby" and will come visit me and stuff.

I am suppose to see him in 5 days, I'm not canceling or wasting money on those tickets that I already bought, so I am still going and he agreed that he wants to see me, and is excited to see me.

I don't know what to do, I am so sad and crying and just so frustrated. I guess I just want to talk about it with him when I see him. I really still want to be with him, we were planning on me moving there at the end of the year. Now I don't know. He said if it's really bad not being together he will want to get back together and that we will see what happens, and maybe in a year or so he will want to get married, also how he might move back to WI. I am just so confused and wish I could see him now.

I've never been through a serious "break-up" like this, so I'm really not considering we are broken up until I see him and talk to know.

I just really don't know what to do and I can't stop crying.

[Sharon Q]

People say stupid shit when they are drunk. When I was drunk I called my ex ( now boyfriend lol ) and bitched him out over the phone, I'm not even sure why I did it. Try talking to him about things when he is sober, maybe seeing you will help a lot.

[Bethypoo]

Yea, people really say things they dont mean when they are drunk. Beside that you also said that he had brothers with him who obviously may have been around him and making fun of him for such a serious relationship and so on.

But the fact that he agrees that you still need to see him makes a huge difference. Maybe it is something you need to talk about while actually together. Remind him that you never asked for marriage or that you would pressure him into it.

[Haley53]

My question is, how typical is this? For him to be tipsy/drunk and for him to act like a completely different person while doing it... How often does he drink? I can't imagine it'd be an ideal situation dating someone who wants to be with you when sober but wants to break up when drunk if he does it very often (then again, I'd say at all).

My SO drinks very, very rarely and always in moderation, but he is always, always under control and has never said or done anything to me that he'd regret or that has made me question the relationship. If this is the norm for your SO, you have to wonder why it's the norm. Sure, there are one time occasions, like the poster above mentioned re: bitching out her ex, but if this is as frequent as you make it out to be, and I believe it's from you I've read other stories about what he's done while drunk?, then in my opinion, there's an underlying issue that's not being figured out, and it's only a matter of time before it starts to emerge when he's sober as well. "I was drunk" is nowhere near an excuse for everything; neither is "he was drunk."

EDIT: Am I the only one who feels intoxication is not an excuse? I feel there is some truth to "drunken words are sober thoughts." Alcohol doesn't "make" people say mean things. It doesn't "make" people do mean things. It doesn't "make" people cheat. etc. It is never the alcohol's fault. The role alcohol plays is it lowers/relaxes inhibitions and it exacerbates the state of one's emotions. Someone who's predispositioned towards depression, for example, or someone who drinks when depressed, is going to end up even more depressed because of the alcohol exacerbating that depression. Someone who says something "mean"/cruel or someone who cheats/does something inappropriate while in a relationship... Those are all things that were there hidden underneath the surface while that person was sober. The alcohol simply lowered that person's inhibitions. He's not saying this because he's drunk and if it's happened more than once, he's not saying it because it was said in anger/whatever; he's saying it because he's thinking it while sober, or at least it is laying somewhere in his subconscious. There is a very real issue here that needs to be worked out, especially if he is like this every time he's drunk. You don't "become a different person"; sometimes the alcohol simply brings out what you hide in your sober sitting.

[rusty15]

This is not typical, maybe like once or twice a year, he doesn't drink that often. He's been drinking a lot on his vacation with his brothers in Germany lol

[Haley53]

Then I think I'm mixing things/people up and for that I apologise. <3 However, I still feel there's some underlying issue that needs to be worked out. Alcohol doesn't change who people are, but it will sure as hell give you more honesty than most people ever will. :P

I would make it a point to sit down and talk to him when he's out to see you next.

[CanadianGirl]

First off, you two need to come out and say exactly what you want and expect from this relationship. If you don't want marriage right now, tell him. He also can't be flip-floppy about you. It's just not right to put another person's life on hold like that. If he wants to be with you now, he should enjoy that. But it doesn't matter what I think really, just have a good talk with him and lay it all out. Good luck!!

EDIT: Am I the only one who feels intoxication is not an excuse? I feel there is some truth to "drunken words are sober thoughts." Alcohol doesn't "make" people say mean things. It doesn't "make" people do mean things. It doesn't "make" people cheat. etc. It is never the alcohol's fault. The role alcohol plays is it lowers/relaxes inhibitions and it exacerbates the state of one's emotions.

Oh, I agree with you. Also, I absolutely hate it when people blame infidelity on alcohol. They put themselves in the situation and also decided to get intoxicated there. They may not have done the exact same thing if they were sober, but they're still held accountable for what they did.

[Dziubka]

Have you talked since? I'd definitely try talking again when he's sober.

EDIT: Am I the only one who feels intoxication is not an excuse? I feel there is some truth to "drunken words are sober thoughts." Alcohol doesn't "make" people say mean things. It doesn't "make" people do mean things. It doesn't "make" people cheat. etc. It is never the alcohol's fault. The role alcohol plays is it lowers/relaxes inhibitions and it exacerbates the state of one's emotions. Someone who's predispositioned towards depression, for example, or someone who drinks when depressed, is going to end up even more depressed because of the alcohol exacerbating that depression. Someone who says something "mean"/cruel or someone who cheats/does something inappropriate while in a relationship... Those are all things that were there hidden underneath the surface while that person was sober. The alcohol simply lowered that person's inhibitions. He's not saying this because he's drunk and if it's happened more than once, he's not saying it because it was said in anger/whatever; he's saying it because he's thinking it while sober, or at least it is laying somewhere in his subconscious. There is a very real issue here that needs to be worked out, especially if he is like this every time he's drunk. You don't "become a different person"; sometimes the alcohol simply brings out what you hide in your sober sitting.

You're not.
Being drunk is never an excuse for me either. Well, maybe it is for breaking things or throwing up on them, but not for saying cruel things or turning into a completely different person. I don't believe in the "alcohol turns him into a different person"-thing.
I'm really the last person to speak against drinking. And I've said my fair share of stupid things while drunk, some of that completely untrue or utter b/s and a lot of it I would never had said sober, but nothing of it has ever been diammetrically opposed to my personality. They were all things I would have wanted to say sober, but probably would have restrained myself, to not appear silly.
I'm very wary of rude or violent drunks. From my experience those people are not exactly the best company when sober either.

My boyfriend drinks when he goes out, sometimes he exaggerates, but really, it only means there's more spelling mistakes in his messages to me (if he doesn't fall asleep right there and then that is), but it doesn't change what they say. And that's how it should be. If he did/said anything hurtful while drunk, I'd treat it no differently than if he said it sober.

[Mara]

*hugs* Sounds like he had way too much to drink, but I do think that is something that has been playing on his mind for a while. He probably didn't mean to come out and say it the way that he did, but obviously, it's something that he's been thinking about/feeling. I would just talk to him once he sobers up and make sure this is what he really wants/how he really feels. If you are okay with waiting to get married, tell him that.

[Kerry]

if he said this when he was drunk I think it's best if you talk when he's sober. sometimes people say what they don't mean when they're drunk.

[Ms.Justine]

People say stupid shit when they are drunk. When I was drunk I called my ex ( now boyfriend lol ) and bitched him out over the phone, I'm not even sure why I did it. Try talking to him about things when he is sober, maybe seeing you will help a lot.

Ahh shit, I agree! I have done and said some stupid things while being drunk. The only thing that makes me worried is the saying "a drunken heart speaks a sober mind" I guess see how things go when you see him.

[Silvaria]

When I was in the military, they called alcohol "confidence juice", because it gave people the confidence to say and do things they wouldn't otherwise have the courage to say or do.

However, the converse is also true...sometimes when drunk, people will say things they don't mean at all. I know this first-hand...back when I was married, my then-husband got completely wasted one night, and told me that he'd had FIVE girlfriends for a while. Needless to say this wasn't true at ALL, lol...he never could figure out why on earth he'd said that, and we actually had quite a laugh about it.

Like others have said, the best idea is to sit down and have a serious (and sober!) talk when you see him. I wish you the best of luck.