Engagement without a ring...thoughts???

[rsvpnj]

My SO & I have been talking about getting engaged for months now... this week he mentioned that the only reason he hasn't proposed is because he can't afford a ring right now. I want a long engagement but we want to be married before my oldest daughter is 14... she is almost 12 now. Plus, we have been together for over 9 years and I am getting frustrated with waiting for a proposal. All of our friends and family have kind of turned the fact that we're not engaged into a joke.

In any case, this is a big issue for us because all of our close friends are recently married or will be within the next few weeks... 18 couples in all... and by close friends, I mean people we see on a weekly basis... or monthly in my case.

I want to discuss this with him and take some of the pressure off in regards to the ring. Most of our friends have money and buying a ring wasn't a big issue financially to any of them.

I am okay with not having a ring for right now. I even would suggest my wearing one of the CZ rings that I already own as a placeholder for when we can afford to buy a ring.

Any opinions on getting engaged without a ring?

Thanks!!

[DemonxOisin]

I'm still really far away from getting married myself, but just in my personal opinion, I think that elaborate rings are kind of just a display of wealth. I'd be quite happy with a ring pop to be honest. Definitely talk to him about it! If that's all that's holding him back, and you're fine with an alternative, then it'll be smooth sailing for you both :3

[kiara_silver]

I don't think the ring should be the reason to put off getting engaged. I think for some girls they image the proposal and the fancy engagement ring, but in the end that shouldn't matter. Its what the ring symbolises, and you can get one for 2500 or 25, I don't think the price should matter. If you want to get married and that's all that's holding him back, you should talk to him about it. Tell him that's not as important to you as it is him.

[Fyrestar]

/gone

[Haru]

Ring = material thing in my eyes. If you feel you are only engaged because of a ring and not how you feel, then maybe something is wrong. It's a very sweet gesture of him to want to buy you a ring, but unless you feel it necessary, tell him it's not needed and one can be bought at a later time.
My uncle did something very similar. He bought a very cheap ring for my aunt, maybe about $20 or so; and then for their tenth anniversary he bought her a beautiful diamond ring. To me, this is more romantic. But I may be the only one.

[Bethypoo]

I agree, I dont think a ring should be a reason to put off being engaged at all. I mean there are so many other options that you can use instead and for the time being (like the CZ you suggested. There are some pretty nice looking ones out there). But yea... I don't think that it is a reason to put if off if that really is the only reason that he is putting it off.

[Sharon Q]

The ring is just a visual form of the commitment My SO and I got promise rings. As a symbol of us being committed, I got mine already, He is in waiting to get his as he has yet to go to any stores to get one. But I don't need him to wear a ring to prove that he is committed to me. The ring would be a nice touch, and I know he is around to getting it, but I'd be fine either way.

The ring is just a visual symbol and nothing more. Yes it has meaning, but it doesn't mean more then the committed promise given with the ring.

[threecheers9980]

My SO and I have been engaged since April 2010 and I never got a ring. I don't think a ring is necessary to be engaged. I think you should talk to him about it and tell him you're okay with no ring or a cheap ring or wearing one of your own rings (which I think is a great idea!).

[squeeker]

Yeah like the others said, I believe you can be engaged without a ring. With my SO and I, we're pretty much engaged as we both have commited ourselves to each other, he's actually asked me if I will and I've asked him if he will and we've agreed we want to get married eventually and spend our lives together, but we're not at the stage where we can plan a wedding, so we're not officially engaged so it makes sense we don't have a ring. I think the only thing about getting engaged without a ring is that if you tell people you have to be comfortable with your answer because they might wonder why you don't have a ring since it's such a traditional thing to do. But other than that, I think engagement is more about the commitment to each other and about the intention to marry and so usually it's when you start planning your wedding, and I agree with the others that you should tell him your thoughts about how a ring isn't that important to you and see if that makes him change his mind about needing a ring. I hope that helps!

[garnet]

I was proposed to once with a braided friendship ring from an arcade, and once with only the question. Doesn't matter, imo. There are so many options, that waiting to afford the fancy ring shouldn't need to be a factor.

[ioanna]

its great that you and your SO are confortable talking about this
If the only thing in his way is the ring, then i'd definetly do without.
There can also be many alternatives. For instance you could already get your wedding band instead in wood or stainless steel, as they aren't expensive, and they can be a shared expense

My SO and are have been engaged for over 4 years, and we got our wedding bands, no solitaire for me.. But would you believe it if i said that the paracord rope he tied on my wrist 6 years ago bares a lot more symbolism to me than any other thing could! (Nothing deteriorates a paracord knot! It hasn't moved hehe)

As someone said before, you have to be comfortable with your answer to all the peopl who will ask about the ring/ proposal. It's none of their buisness of course, but it will surely arise as it's part of the excitement, and your frien ds will want to share that too in the end, what's important is that you and your SO are commited to eachother and plan to spend the rest of your life together.

I just got an idea, please don't laugh too much how about an engagement tree? He could give you a baby tree from a nursery that you would plant together. It will be a parallel of your love's growth, and life together

[delphynaus]

Hey.. Like everyone said, the ring is only symbolic.. we have bought a simple and not expensive ring together for our engagement (I contributed to the cost) and now I'm the one wearing it because it reminds me of our strong knot... I only hope that he is not only using the ring 'excuse' for something bigger (i.e. not willing to marry soon) alll the best and good luck!

[Xanahtas]

I dont think there is anything wrong with not having a ring. A ring is just a symbol. He could use a haribo ring? XD

[Zephii]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think the ring is important. No, it doesn't need to be expensive or flashy, but to me that ring says more than "I'm commiting to marry you" it's also "I'm proving I can afford to look after you" and yes, these days we all work anyway, there are amazing men who are stay at home dads, women can have a carrer too etc, but all that aside I know at some point I'm going to be furthering this man's genetic line and I want to know that while I do that for him and while I keep his home in order and make him feel like the king of his castle he can provide for me and our children. I will be safe and fed. If he can't provide a ring, likely he can't provide those other things either, and to me that safety net is important.

No, I'm not one of those girls who wants to be a kept woman. I work and will continue to do so. I have been the primary breadwinner, and even the sole breadwinner in this relationship before and I am certainly willing to do it again - but in the event I can't I need a man who can step up and fill my shoes as well as his own and the one little gesture of that ring shows me that he is ready willing and able.

If that made sense lol. It's pretty late, so likely it didn't!

[Kerry]

personally I want an engagement ring when I get engaged. I know my bf's finances are tight right now so when he proposes I'm not expecting the ring of my dreams. but I want a real diamond ring. I see a ring as a symbol of commitment.