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**Mara** · October 17, 2011, 06:23 PM

*hugs* Where exactly does this leave the two of you? Are things in his life going to be changing so he can better see to your relationship?

**heylittlekrissy** · October 17, 2011, 06:25 PM

Right now, I have no idea where it leaves us, and that's one of the things that's bothering me most. But probaly not, he just started school and it's got him really stressed out, along with his father and a couple friends just passing away a couple weeks ago. I understand he's got a lot going on, but it still doesn't make things any easier I guess.

**Sunnyside193** · October 17, 2011, 06:39 PM

Understandbly he is quite stresed with what u said has happened. I think all you can do it support him through this tough stage. Dont bring up the relationship because I think it will be the last thing he wants to here or talk about now. Unfortunately you wont know where it leaves you two but just give him some time to work through this and when you think he is back to his normal self and has dealt with what has happenend then try to bring up about where you two are in this relationship. But for now just let him know your there if he needs you.

**Minerva** · October 17, 2011, 06:50 PM

I agree with Sunnyside. Don't pressure him about the relationship. Just be a friend to him and love him. It sounds like he's going through a hell of a time, and you'll have to carry this relationship for a while. It isn't easy -- it's actually damn hard -- but if you can be strong for him now, your relationship will come out of this stronger.

I know it's not easy, but do your best to not pressure him, because he's under a ton of pressure. He can't give up school, and he can't will himself to stop grieving his father and friends, but what he can do is end the relationship. He probably doesn't want that at all, but pressured enough, he'll feel like he has to. He's going through a tough time. Back off a bit and just be his rock for awhile.

*hugs*

**heylittlekrissy** · October 17, 2011, 07:04 PM

I know, and I actually haven't touched the whole relationship subject thing since we started arguing almost 3 weeks ago, because I know he's dealing with everything else. It just got to the point today where I personally needed to talk about it. He said what he had to though and got off, and I haven't heard from him since. That sucks, but I'm not gonna pressure him into talking to me right now if he doesn't want to, so I sent him a quick "I love you, and I'm always here for you when you need me" and am just waiting now.

**Bethypoo** · October 17, 2011, 07:06 PM

Im sorry hun. Not knowing is always the worst part of alot of things. But maybe just give him a minute. Obviously he has alot going on like he said and maybe it was just getting to him at that moment. Then ask him where it leaves your relationship. You obviously know what you want and he needs to convey to you what he wants with out the ambiguity. But it really isnt fair to drop it like that. I mean obviously there was a disagreement, but we all disagree with people in our lives. We dont go and end our relationships especially with a small argument.

Like i said, just give him a minute but let him know that you are ready and willing to talk. I dont think its over. I just think life got to him at the moment and just needs support.

**Sierra** · October 17, 2011, 07:12 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I say give him the space he needs and hopefully it'll work out for the best.

**Mara** · October 17, 2011, 07:16 PM

It sounds to me like he's just overwhelmed right now with everything that is happening. He needs your support and love. You're going to have to be the strong one for a while. It's going to be hard and rough, but like other posters have said, the two of you could come out of this much stronger. I'd give him some time to work through everything while remaining constant.

**heylittlekrissy** · October 18, 2011, 09:25 AM

Thanks everyone for all the support <3

**Haley53** · October 18, 2011, 10:39 AM

My partner's mother passed away on Saturday. I have not really spoken with my SO since. We've texted a bit throughout each day, but he's understandably been busy. He's handling many of the funeral arrangements. His family is helping, sure, and helping pay, but he's more or less the one who's handling everything but the obituary in the newspaper. The funeral is tomorrow, and I expect things to settle down a bit then, but due to some of that thing we all love called "unnecessary drama," he's not sure when he's going to have regular access to a computer again, or even access to a computer at all. We can talk on the phone, sure, but at 15.00 (may be a bit less considering I have a plan, but it's expensive to ring a mobile. I can call a landline there for three hours for the same cost as a mobile), for me, and at a pricey rate for him (I don't have a landline), it likely won't be often and it may not even be every day. This is something he and I will have to get used to for the time being.

And I'll admit, on top of what all else this has brought up, on top of being absolutely shattered for him and his brother, the fact that I miss him and our conversations do come into play. Conversations that would normally last from the morning until the late hours of the night have been wittled down to being almost nonexistent. No, it's not permanent, but that doesn't mean it's any easier. I doubt it is for you, either. The thing is that I'm in a similar boat: I need to talk about it, but I won't burden my partner with it. You haven't pushed him about the relationship but that doesn't mean you aren't going to have your feelings or your fears or your general thoughts about the situation. You haven't pushed him about the relationship but that selflessness, withholding that because of what all he's going through, does little to ease the anxieties you feel about not knowing. Hell, even with all my partner's reassurances I'm terrified at the road we have ahead of us. But I think that the best thing I, and you, can do is take it one step and one day at a time.

That's going to mean taking some you time, and I don't think anyone here so far has mentioned this. By "you time," I don't mean cut him off. I simply mean know your limits. Know when you need to step away from the computer to go take a hot bubble bath or to curl up for a nap, or to read or write or do something for you. Be available for him, yes, but don't be so available for him that you expend every saving grace and last ounce of energy you have left. And know that you are going to feel this too. Gather round your supports, because it's not wrong for you to need it. No, you don't have your SO, but you have LFAD and I'm hoping you have friends or family who can support you as well. You have a right to talk and to feeling what you're feeling. Keeping it from your SO, for the time being, for his sake does not mean you don't. It's human, it's normal, and I can vouch for it in that we all feel it when faced with these difficult situations. Hang in there. <3

**heylittlekrissy** · October 18, 2011, 11:14 AM

Eclaire, I'm sorry to hear your going through the same thing, and if you need to talk, feel free to send me a message anytime

But I definitely agree with what you said. Sometimes being in an LDR and not having the constant communication you're used to (hell, it's usually everyday, all day for us lol) can bring up fears and uncertainties about the future, even if rationally we know it's only for the time being, sometimes it's hard not to be irrational. I definitely agree with finding more "me" time while this is going on, since sadly this was something I've definitely put to the side, and trying to spend more time with friends and family that have kind of gone to the wayside since my relationship got "serious". Now that I've had time to mope (yes, I moped lol I won't deny it), I've had time to think rationally and realize that while it may suck, I should do my best to turn it into a good thing. Your advice was definitely very helpful, so thank you

**Haley53** · October 18, 2011, 07:30 PM

Yesss.

I'm a huge hypocrite. Without my partner, I have been moping as well. I've also come down with a terrible cold (most prominently a sore throat) so I've been missing him even more miserably seeing as I feel like crap, haha, but I'm doing the best with what I can.

I think the most important lesson I'm reconnecting with/relearning through this situation is that I can't sacrifice myself. I can make sacrifices, but I cannot sacrifice all of me. I'm human and I have human emotions, and I have to realise that I have a right to be feeling them; anyone in my situation would be. I think one of the hardest things for me has been dealing with people who have tried to compare my situation to his or who have gotten almost angry at me for missing him/being upset by the circumstances, because it makes me feel even more helpless and even more like I'm not doing enough. But what I've been realising is that it is okay for me to feel like I am. And though I have no clue whether or not you've struggled with the same conflict, seeing people here telling you to be understanding, be the strong one, and so on... It's stirred up a lot from what people have told me. :P

To me, you're being understanding to the extent that you can, and my therapist confirmed it (you came up as a relatable example in my therapy session today, though that sounds creepy when I type it up, heh). You told him you love him and will be there for him when he's ready for it. You've been there for him to the best of your ability. You haven't pushed or pressured him. You have done everything right. But that doesn't mean your feelings are going to be eliminated or nonexistent. It's part of being human! And you have to embrace them too, and you deserve to be taken care of too. Hence my suggestion of the "me time" and going out and spending some time with family/friends. It can be great to reconnect and rekindle connections (not speaking romantically) with other people, simply because that's often what having a sense of community can do. I'm all smiles and giggles on a bad day when someone goes out of their way to do something kind for me or even when something simple happens, like once this little girl was waving "hi" to me and talking to me on the bus. It's amazing what the little things can do for your spirit!

Do you live in the city or do you live somewhere nature-y? Do you live near a park, if you're in the city? Something you could do, too, is take a nature walk. Really take some time to concentrate on the sights and the sounds and the smells of the earth or the sea or wherever you end up, and take some time to focus on the beauty. I often find that this does wonders for my perspective and as a result of that, my mood. Emotions are oftentimes a product of thought, after all. Same way the emotion of anger only lasts seconds and it only lasts longer because you dwell on it, if you focus on the positives and on what's pleasant and on what brings you joy, you're going to feel more happy/peaceable. This on top of taking a bath, reading a good book, going out and getting a manipedi with your girl friends, etc., it can all do wonders for you.

And taking care of yourself will make you better able to care for him as well.

**heylittlekrissy** · October 19, 2011, 10:38 AM

@Eclaire: I went ahead and sent you a private message so that we could chat more

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So this sucks...

So this sucks...

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