parent's conflicting thoughts with your future?

[rusty15]

I wanted to move to my BF in CA by the beginning of 2012. (I'm from WI)
My parents do not agree with me at all. They don't want me to move there unless I have an engagement ring, they bombarded me with questions. I can't stop crying now (lol). They are just worried about if we break up, than I have move all of my stuff back, how I'm going to find a new job and make money, me getting my Bachelors degree (I am graduating with an Associates in December, and once I have residency in CA, I will go to get my Bachelors), what if I move back and have no money. So mane questions and it's making me think, although I know we love each other and want to be together. I feel bad too because I really respect and love my parents and don't want to let them down, but I know I have to life my life how I want.

How do you deal with your parent's opinions?

[Mara]

If my family has a valid point or opinion then I take it into consideration. Often times talking to my parents or my aunt or uncle they will mention something I haven't thought of it. Their approval or disapproval isn't really a factor and they know that and don't expect me to do as they say.

If your parents are worried I think the best thing to do is to explain your plan of action to them to ease their mind. It does sound like, as far as having a contingency plan in case of breaking up and your education, they are making valid points and those are things you should plan for.

[Haley53]

I agree with Mara.

I can see where they would be concerned about your plan, because they're your parents, and to me, it doesn't sound like disapproval so much as it sounds like they want to consider all your option. In a long-distance relationship, as in a close-distance relationship, I do think it's important to think about what happens if you break-up. I think it's even more important to consider in a LDR. No, nobody likes to, but you're not simply moving places or moving the next county over, but rather, you're looking to move to an entirely different state, and though it's still the same country, it's also still a huge commitment. And you have to have a back-up plan in case it doesn't work.

Your parents are probably also concerned about how you plan to get your BA and how you plan to find work. As someone who's currently living in California (though this is not an issue isolated to CA), I have sent out applications everywhere that's hiring and it's been bloody difficult. I have one lead currently on standby (until we reschedule the interview), but it took months to get to this point. I'm not the only one in this boat. And education is costly and also something to think about, because we keep seeing more and more budget cuts, pushing public universities closer and closer to costing the same amount as a private one. My point of saying this is that your parents are likely trying to remind you that it's not as simple as "oh, I'm moving out to CA, gonna find a job and go to school to get my BA." It's going to be difficult, on top of a transition that's not going to be easy. :/

I do think they're trying to prepare you as best they can, so as opposed to looking at it as though they're discouraging you, try instead to think about what points they're trying to make and see if you've come up with solutions to the problems they've proposed.

[Bethypoo]

Honestly, I agree with your parents. I go to school in Oregon and pay out of state and for the most part is is cheaper than me paying residency in California, which is where im from. Cost of living is more than most other states (in almost all of cali). You can always transfer, but they have a right to be concerned. There are alot of 'what ifs...' in what your plans are. And you have to look at all of the possibilities. What if your relationship doesnt last? Will you still want to be in Cali? You need to do what is in your best interest professionally and academically. Look at yourself and what you need/want with out the factor of your SO. I practice what i preach. I want so badly to go back to my SO in california and be home with him. But what is best for me financially and education wise is to complete my education. He has a job and therefore isnt the best idea to move to oregon to be here. When we are both stable then we will talk about moving together. But neither of us are going to give up what is in our best interest because we would rather be together sooner rather than later. Does it suck? YES! But it is what i/we need to do right now to make for a better more stable future.

I know you want to up and move but really think logically if it is the smartest choice. LOGICALLY! You parents aren't trying to destroy your relationship. But they are looking ahead and if you are meant to be together being LD will be hard but not the determining factor of your relationship.

[floridaellen]

It's a difficult situation but your parents just want what is best for you.
I moved away from New Jersey, leaving my family and my boyfriend, to go to school in Florida. The universities are much cheaper here and have better programs for my area of interest. My boyfriend on the other hand has two jobs in New Jersey and wants to start attending community college there when he saves enough money. It's in our best interest to stay where we are. That doesn't mean that I don't want him here! It's just this is the best situation for us right now, financially and with our education.
I also have been trying to find a job down here and it is really difficult. This is another factor into why he can't move here. He'd need a job, while I only want one.
That doesn't mean that you can't wish! Just realize that the plan may be a little flawed.

[Daylan]

My S.O started dating sometime in July. I waited until September to tell my dad because he's always been the one who dissaproves my relationships, lol. Well, I made sure I had his attention when I was talking to him (turning off all electronics) and I began to tell him the story. What I thought his reaction was going to be was something along the lines of...well, I can't remember. What I do remember is that he was cool, calm and collected about the whole thing...until I told him that she was from Nova Scotia, Canada and that she was 22 (4 years older than me). He flipped out and started saying that she was being a preditor and asking why a 22 year old woman was getting with an 18 (now 19) year old boy. Me being the kind of person who can't explain things very well, I didn't have a standing chance as far as a valid argument, most because what we had just happened and is unexplainable. He took the computer away (for whatever reason, like it was going to stop me from texting her) and now he's trying to get me to break it off with her.

Basically, he had a sit down with me saying that when she comes down and if we have sex, to use a condom. Basic stuff. Then he turns around and asks me why I can't find girls that are my age around here, that there are plenty to pick from. Ok, for one: I'm in a committed relationship. I'm not just gonna go around and start seeing other girls. That being said...for two: girls my age are stupid. Not mentally as far as smarts, but relationship wise. They don't know what they want and end up always putting me in the friend zone, then ask the question of why can't they find a guy who is nice and sweet and caring when that same guy they're describing is sitting right in front of them, having signs and flags all around them saying "RIGHT FREAKIN HERE!!!". For three: there are no girls that I know that I would feel the same way as I did (do) for Jessica (my canadian girlfriend). We automatically clicked when we first met and while things has REALLY slowed down since she started school, I still love her as much as I did those months ago. For four: She has her ish together. She knows what she wants and she doesn't BS around. All these other girls will beat around the bush, but not Jess because she's mature enough to say what she wants and what she doesn't want. I had to learn from her that beating around the bush is old and not acceptable. She taught me that I just need to say what I need to say and be done with it, but my problem is I'm afraid that I'll say something that'll hurt her feelings......ok, getting way off topic.

Bottom line, my dad pretty much hates Jess because she's older than me and that's the only real reason why. oh, and the distance has something to do with it, but not as much as the age. He says that it'll be socially more acceptiable if *I* was the 22 year old and she was 19...uh, no. He actually banned her from ever touching his property, so she can't ever come to the house, which is fine by me...If he hates her so much, then that's his problem. He can hate her all he wants, but the final word is that I love her and that is all that matters.

[NaNi]

My mom supports me completely. I'd be moving 11,500 miles away from home, so I'd actually understand if my mom had concerns, but she wants me to be happy.

[Madge]

My parents support me moving over to the US. I think they had some doubts at the start of our relationship but as soon as they met Nick (and heard his accent most likely ) they saw how serious we were about each other and realized what was going to happen.

I think parents do get nervous of the unknown and they just want to make sure that you are not going to get hurt. Why don't you keep them involved in every aspect of the moving situation? just so they have a peace of mind of what is actually happening. Have they met your SO as well?

[Sharon Q]

I ignore it there's not getting through to my parents so I just ignore their comments.