Questions that you think are important to ask you SO when getting to know them

[yayagrl]

I know most of us have criteria or standards that we like to have in an SO. And some have questions that depending on the answer will weed some people out of the pickings. So what are some questions you have that depending on the answer will give a red or green light? For anyone who needs an example here is one. Say you don't like smokers of any kind (I know I don't. It's ok if you do I just know I couldn't live with or date one. My mom was a cig smoker when I was younger). So asking if your SO is a smoker or not could be something that would give you a red or green light. Thank goodness my babe doesn't smoke

[Rosebud]

What are your views on religion?

What are your views on sex?

How is your relationship with your family?

These are the first questions that popped into my head that I find very important to know the answers to early on. I'm sure I can think of more later.

[lucybelle]

My deal breakers:
addict (to anything)
believing in one superior religion
chauvinistic
closed minded

I guess there could be more things, but those are the first ones that came to mind!

[Zephii]

How are you in a stressful situation?

Do you look after your family when they are sick?

Can I rely on you to fill my shoes if ever I am unable?

How in touch with your emotions are you?

Are you willing to do half of the housework?

[DemonxOisin]

I liked how you worded that, Lucybell, "believing in one superior religion". It´s true! I don´t mind really if someone has a religion, but as long as they don´t think that it is superior to every other religion is completely against my morals.

A personal one for me: You have to be willing to try new things. I get bored easily -.- I´m not usually picky though, because once I find someone who can deal with my BPD, that´s usually proves they are good enough for me :P

[jiynx]

My deal breakers are:
- If they are racist, sexist, anything-ist. My SO must be open to different types of people.
- If they are addicted to hard core drugs. Weed is okay, but anything beyond that is too much for me. (this includes alcohol)
- If they are irresponsible. I don't want them to be dependant on me for money, clothes, housing, etc.
- If they are lazy. I'm always on the go with something or doing some sort of sport/activity, so if my SO just sat at home all day, I think it would be a conflict of interest.

Those are all it. I don't really care what else they're into - I enjoy original, fun people so bring on the differences!

[Madge]

How much of a drinker are you? (my dad and my ex are heavy drinkers and not something I like tbh)

I would ask about religion as well. As Lucybelle stated if they believed in a superior relgion I would not be keen (also gone through this with a ex fml lol )

How important is family?

This are a few that popped into my mind.

[Laura_N]

- How much alcohol do you use? (I'm not an absolutist but heavy drinkers are a big no no)

- Do you want me to follow your religion/are you pushing it to me? (my SO is a muslim but it's never been a big deal, doesn't affect on us one bit, 'cause she's definitely not trying to feed it for me)

- Do you smoke? (my SO does smoke but only a little, and she's very mindful about it)

- Do you want kids?

Those are really the things. I think I could tolerate smoking even if it was a more frequent habit than my SO has, but it's still something I really wouldn't prefer. I probably couldn't be with someone who got drunk often, because I don't like the way people tend to be when they are drunk. And when it comes to religion, I'm totally fine with everyone believing to what they believe in, as long as they aren't pushing me into it or basing their whole life on it. And kids in the future (not now but some day) would be important for me, so I probably couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who would be strongly against having children.

[Mara]

My first questions are always generally about what the person is doing with their life. I don't care what a person's life goals are, but he has to have life goals and I would prefer if they were similar to mine though it isn't a deal breaker if they aren't.

After that, I usually ask if he has kids. I haven't totally decided if I'm going to have children yet so I'm certainly not ready to date someone that already has kids.

Lastly, I ask about religion. My religion is very important to me and I've learned from experience not being of my religion is a deal breaker for me. Just too many differences value wise.

[FadedSunrise]

Important:
1. Smoker or not a smoker? Tried a few cigs is ok but habitually I'm out. I'd be friends with smokers if they dont light up around me, but I could never date one. Apparently SO turned out to be the only nonsmoker among his co workers, and including his boss. o_o Lucky me?

2. Very religious? I am not completely against very religious, if it is something that gives them motivation and a positive, non violent force in their lives. Hell, if that person was an accepting Christian I might be tempted to convert, I don't really know. I am spiritual but don't follow a specific religion, thankfully my boy turned out the same.

3. Heavy drinking? As much of a no as habitual smoking. I drink socially, as well as the occasional glass of moscato for pleasure. More than that I couldn't stand. My dad used to drink and come home drunk weekly when I was younger. I hated it alot.

4. What is your view on family? How early do you want to start a family/get married(I was super worried when I realized I had a crush that my SO is already 25 and would want to get married too soon, making us incompatible). Also includes what are your views on sex? I would like to wait till marriage. The boy can be either desire, so long as he is willing to cooperate with my wishes.

5. What are your career goals? I would be really really hard pressed to be a lawyer supporting a starving artist. I would absolutely NOT accept being a lawyer supporting someone content to work the McDonalds the rest of their life.

[Malaga]

In addition to all this, I think it's very important to know how they feel about their ex. When did they break up and why, how often do they communicate etc.

[Haley53]

Someone mentioned not being an absoluteist with alcohol. For me, I'm going to say that term encompasses how I feel about it. Both of my parents have struggled with alcoholism, one (my father) being a violent alcoholic, and an important figure in my life struggled with it as well, so while I accept that most people do at the very least drink socially, and in fact have only ever met one person who, like me, does not at all, it's something that I find very difficult to cope with. Because of this, my partner does have to be willing to adhere to what some may see as being unfair guidelines. I place no restrictions on when they drink or how often (though I could not be with someone who drank often/frequently, and thank god my SO does not nor does he really care for it), and I don't expect a play-by-play (it's not up to me if he has a drink when he goes out and I don't feel the need to have him report when and where to me, frankly) but I do not want to talk to you if you're under the influence. One of those things that my partner can do, but I don't want any part in it. And drugs are a no-no.

To me, some other important things are views on sex and religion/spirituality (I'm not religious, but I am spiritual, and I doubt I could make it work with a hardcore atheist), and how open-minded they are. Some other things that are important to me are views on travelling and new experiences; I would not be happy with a homebody. And then there's the question of intelligence, which is often discovered with time, and dreams/goals/ambitions. I need someone with drive and passion and who's able to keep up with me. There's a question of how balanced between outdoorsy and laid back are they etc. etc. etc. I'm a picky, picky partner. :P

[floridaellen]

1. Do you want kids? I want a family with at least 3 children and that is something I would not waiver on.
2. How do you feel about adoption? I may have issues conceiving due to some medical issues so adoption may be the better choice. I need to know for the future that my SO would be okay with adopting.
3. What religion are you? I'm Catholic and would prefer someone Catholic. However, any type of Christian is okay. I have dated people who did not believe in Jesus and, while they were amazing people, I could not take the fights we had over it. It's not something I want for my future and I think that is fine.
4. Do you have plans for the future? I don't want to date someone without goals.
5. Are you comfortable with handicapped children? This is the most important. My brother is handicapped. If my SO did not accept him, I would dump them.

[Engel]

Did you ever have a really important romantic relationship? How long it lasted? if yes: Do you still have contact? How often? How do you feel about her? How does she feel about you?

I wouldn't like to be dragged into a relationship with someone that still has feelings for their ex, or that much contact with an ex wife or ex that lived with him, that is just me. but i really would not feel confortable. and also wouldnt if the break up (in the case it was a serious relationship) was recent (less than 6 months) and one of them still had feelings for each other, even if it was the girl, i wouldnt want a pshycho ex around him all the time, and who knows, maybe he could be the one that made her suffer and was a je*k, and could treat me the same way.


Were you ever married? Have you ever lived together with any ex of yours?

same explanation as before

Do you have kids? Do you ever want to have kids?


i would not be with a guy that already had kids, i am just not emotionally prepared for that, as i have no kids yet and want my first kids to be my SOs first kid as well. and i want between 1 and 3 kids (3 maximum if we have really good conditions!) and wouldnt give up the dream of being a mother!



Did you ever donate sperm? (or eggs in a womens case)


if he had donated that would be a no-no for me. i would freak out wondering about all the kids my SO would have out there and wouldnt even feel attached to them.

[uniquefem]

Hahaha.. sometime i feel insecure about being asian.. nooo not that i feel embarrass of who i am.. but it matter for my SO to accept me for who i am.
So my question would be revolving around his point of view around cultures and ahhh belief..
I am a moslem, and for some people, they build negative prejudice because of things they don't know...

Some of the questions i ask to my SO
1. What do you know about islam? how do you think about it?what will your parent think when they know you date a moslem girl?
2. Can he love my family, my mom and sisters as much as he love his own?
3. How do you feel about me not drinking alcohol and eat pork? if you want to be with me how will you manage this?
4. Does he want a partner or a family? its two different thing for me... partner means he doesn't want any children involve...family means the whole stuff including diapers, and whos doing the dishes etc
5. Can he understand and TRY to respect my culture as Indonesian girl--that sometimes a bit..complicated?

well i ask him..maybe over 500 question and still do ask him for more... it took a life time to understand and know someone... i wont rush hahaha....