Questions that you think are important to ask you SO when getting to know them

[beckychan]

It's hard to word it in question format but I'm extremely OPEN so there are few major/common things that I would need to know. I guess I'll just say what I find ideal for me.
The first would be someone who is a genuinely kind person. My SO has a heart of gold, I swear to god. When he needs to be, he's tough, but he would never lay a hand on any body. And he cares deeply about things and about other people. Which is awesome because that's exactly what I need, and that's exactly how I am as well.
The second is a sense of humor similar to mine. It doesn't have to be exactly like mine, but as long as we can laugh WITH each other then I'm ok. If we can make each other laugh, that's even better!
The third is someone who is dedicated and shows ambition. My SO isn't exactly the most intelligent guy on earth, but hes a hard worker, and he always seems interested to know more. He's got a 4.0 and is constantly telling me about the things he's learned and sharing that info with me. Which is awesome because I have soooo much info to share back. I'm like a walking encyclopedia.
For the most part, as long as they are not some sort of extremist when it comes to religion/anti-religion, I'm ok with it. I'm religious myself, where as my SO is not. But we both are open minded and we're able to share our beliefs with one another with out shoving it down each others throats.

[yayagrl]

Wow I love the responses and I agree with a few of them. Definitely the ones about kids and family as I wanna be married and have kids some day. I don't drink at all anymore because it makes my eczema flair up (weird I know, but great incentive) and since I've stopped wanting to drink I am really turned off by drinkers. Like the thought of kissing someone or talking to someone who has alcohol on their breath repulses me greatly. I don't care if my SO drinks as I know he does, but I don't want him drinking around me at all. Just my thing. Um I don't really have a religion, but I couldn't be with anyone on any end of the extremest bar (super religious or hardcore atheist). I do believe in a higher power though, but don't mind that my SO doesn't. As long as it's not a conflict of interests. Also I couldn't be with someone who didn't have any goals or aspirations or ambitions in life, isn't open minded and isn't very intelligent. I enjoy smarts and I always go after the smart guys (my SO is a complete book worm). And beckychan I have to agree with you on the sense of humor thing and having a heart of gold. My SO and I seem to mesh so well together. We're just big dorky nerds who make each other laugh and care so much about everyone. We're definite givers and I know I would give the clothes off my back for someone who needed. My SO is the same way

[alw83]

I need to know if they are addicted to anything if they are it's a no
I need to know that we have the same religious beliefs and ideas.
They need to want kids, their own and adopted from another country.
They need to be willing to live overseas for a time.

[Moon]

I'd ask if he has religious beliefs, if he does and they're strong, it's just not going to work, since I'm an atheist. I'm a mild atheist and respect people's beliefs, but when the relationship is such a close one, I need some similarity. Except for Buddhists, I really like Buddhism, and relate to it a lot.

I'd ask if he has any minor children, because having any would be a total deal breaker for me. My daughter is 23, and I'm not willing to give up my newly gained freedom again for anyone, or any reason. I know that sounds selfish and I don't care.

I'd ask about the pets he's had, and how he feels about animal issues in general, and most importantly, if he likes dogs. I'm an animal lover, give to the ASPCA monthly, and will probably always have a pet and he's gotta be on board with that. Not just on board, but encouraging about it.

If he has any criminal background, that's another deal breaker for me. Minor things that may have happened before age 18 wouldn't count though.

His relationship with his mother and his ex's. I've found that whenever there are "problems" with all the significant women in his life, the women aren't the problem

What he does for a living. He has to be at least doing something and be positive about whatever it is.

His hobbies. Someone who spends weekends at NASCAR races, really snobby wine clubs, or is a hardcore gamer just wouldn't be something I'd like. I'd want to know if they like traveling, museums, beaches and books

[Kerry]

have you ever been married? have any children?
do you drink? use drugs?
what are your spending habits?

wow- there are like 1000 other questions I could post!

[Haley53]

Moon brought up a good one about animals. xD

I was once interested in someone who couldn't appreciate pets/animals/nature at all and it made it hard. :/ I'm a huge animal lover - my whole family (mother, sister, and me) is comprised of it! - especially cats and rats. <3 I don't think I ever want to live my life without either of those types of pets. Fortunately, my SO is a huge animal lover himself, more of a dog person though, and loves nature and animals almost as much as I do.

[Eric1221]

What are you going to school for? What are your hobbies?

[Engel]

I'd ask if he has religious beliefs, if he does and they're strong, it's just not going to work, since I'm an atheist. I'm a mild atheist and respect people's beliefs, but when the relationship is such a close one, I need some similarity.

i am a catholic, and my so is an atheistic, so as long as he respects my views, im ok with it, i dont force my views on religion upon anyone as long as they dont force theirs upon me

[michellemybelle]

Deal breakers for me:

Religion My faith is too important for me to date someone with a different religion. If you're religion is different, I can respect that, but I won't date you.

Drugs/Alcohol/Smoking I won't tolerate drugs or alcohol from my boyfriend. I can live with a social drinker, but anything more than that is a no-no to me. Fortunately, my boyfriend and I don't drink at all. I won't put with smoking because I think it's disgusting and I'm asthmatic.

[lademoiselle]

I never really had a checklist or anything in mind when I met my SO; I knew there were some personal attributes I'd want in a partner, but found it more natural to gauge whether he possessed them or not during the course of conversation rather than asking outright. I guess the most important consideration for me was the question of religious (or spiritual) belief. As it turned out we have different views on the matter, but it's something we're willing to work at if issues should ever arise as a consequence.

[lala]

What do you want to reach in your life? - I want to see if he has some goals in his life and if he do something for it

Are you religious? - It's ok if he is a bit religious I can respect that, but someone who lives for god or goes every sunday to church?eem no thank you

Do you want to have children? - I want to have a family, so it would be good if he wants children too

Where do you want to live one day? - If he tells me that he wants to travel around the world and jump from place to place.. this would show me that we have different life styles

[ChibiFelicia]

I never really thought about a checklist to ask honestly. I guess my main one is religion.

I saw some people list "deal breakers". I thought about it and i guess the easiest way to answer is, anything that makes me feel indifferently about them.

[BabyDimples]

I never really thought about it either. I am a strong athiest. There's just something about religion that boils my blood, but my boy is a catholic and believes in his religion. I don't mind though because he doesn't and never has tried to force it on me. The only thing he's asked is if I would try going to mass on New Year because he wouldn't want me left alone while him and his family are there. I agreed I would try it, but only for him. I don't mind being on my own for a little while. I guess the only thing I would say is a big no no, would be if he was a heavy drinker, had been in jail or was violent. Its not as if I started talking to him and thought about it. I think if I had known he was a catholic before I had gotten to know him, then it would have made me a bit wary, but I wouldn't have decided that I didn't want to talk to him at all anymore, and I would have still fallen in love with him.

[kittyo9]

Some things I like to get out of the way early on:

How closely do you follow your religion, and how tolerant are you of others?

What are your future goals?

What is your living situation? Do you work? Are you in school?

Would you wear a condom during sex? (this sounds really silly and only applies to penis-bearers but I firmly believe that a respectful and committed man would do anything it takes to keep you safe and healthy-- I had a previous partner who flat-out said no... and that relationship was AWFUL in terms of the way he treated me)

Do you play any games?

What are your views on abortion and women's rights?

What are your views on homosexuality?

For me, homophobia is probably the strongest dealbreaker. I have a lesbian aunt and I love her to death, and anyone who does not love her too does not deserve my love. After that, closed-mindedness in terms of women's rights and religion come into play, followed by lack of ambition.

[MeganK]

my SO had a gf for almost 10 years, i wanted to make sure he was over her
bcus he kept her number after i asked him to delete it.
but hes promised me that he doesnt ever want her again.
if he does tlk to her, id have to end it with him. bcus i wont be played like that.