Should I go over this weekend?

[Hopelessromanticnj]

I am having an issue with my now ex boyfriend. I was going through a lot of issues with him since I had to move back home with my parents. A lot happened within 5 days and to make a long story short, my father collapsed in front of me (seizure), had to move back home from grad school (no money), no job, no car, and he broke up with me after I asked him if he wanted to be with me...

Sounds crazy i know, but i asked him because I thought that he wud be there for me throughout all of this, but i felt he just wasnt there to console and gave up on me. Few weeks later we still talk and text and he tells me that it was due to circumstances that made him unhappy and he needed to grow up but the real reason was that it was another one of his tests to "prove" *something ...

I have no idea wut his motive was but this is the second time he has done this, now he wants me to come over this coming weekend for 3 days, and im not sure whether to go. I do want us to be together , but i dont know what he wants or if he is insecure about me being so far.

And today he hits me up and I call him "papi" (my usual nickname for him) and he tells me not to call him that anymore because- (I don't anymore, or maybe its been over used, idk, jus doesn't feel right)- thats what he said and it scares me bc it might be someone else or im probably thinking too much?

Please help me asap because im really on the fence because i love him but im scared this weekend since he has the place to himself its a way to hide his feelings from the world about me or something, please help advice, tips anything!!!

[snow_girl]

What are these stunts he is pulling to prove something? If it has happened twice I would be leery to head back in to a relationship with him. I think you should give yourself some real space away, no texting, talking for say 30 days and then see if you still are interested or if its just the constant contact that makes you want to be with him out of habit. As for seeing him, thats up to you.

[lucybelle]

I wouldn't go to his house. Go somewhere public where he can't make a scene if you really want to see him this weekend. But I agree with snow_girl, I think you need to leave this guy behind.

[Haley53]

I agree with the above two posters. You say that this is happened once before as well? What did it have to do with then?

My SO recently lost his mother. Though I won't burden you with the details, it hasn't been easy. Since his mother passed, we've only had one "proper" 15 minute conversation. In 9 days, we went from talking for hours at a time to being lucky if I hear from him once in a day, or if I hear from him first. The simple thing is, though, that I understand. I understand what's happening, what's going on, and I understand that I cannot be the same priority I'm used to being. A friend of mine said that she wouldn't be able to handle it, that she'd leave after a week of it, but I can't do that. I cannot abandon someone that I love so immensely simply because what he's going through prevents me from being "his number one." Why? Because imagine that it's you and your partner and he's navigating a difficult road. In the dark. In a storm. Sometimes being in love means curling up in the back seat of the car and trying to snooze for a bit while your partner focuses on driving and getting to where they need to go. Love isn't always about holding and commanding your partner's constant attention and affections, because love is also about patience, compassion, caring, and understanding. Love shouldn't be difficult (as in it shouldn't be forced), but it's not easy. And in my opinion, any partner worth their salt, or rather, any partner willing to set aside their issues - better yet, setting them aside to work on them - is not going to abandon you when things get hard. And that is what your partner has done. I am assuming, though I may be very wrong, that the last time he disappeared was when things weren't smooth sailing either?

My opinion is that for as much as you love someone... Well, love is complicated. Sometimes two people can love one another but have issues that prevent it, and sometimes facing those issues is harder or takes more of an effort than one partner wants to put into it. Your boyfriend's disappearances have nothing to do with you. They have to do with him. They have to do with an issue of his that he's not facing and he doesn't want to change. It's not that you're not worth it and it's not that he doesn't love you, I'd imagine, but it's the same way with fair-weathered friends, innit? It's hard to understand, sometimes, how someone you're so present for when they're having a rough time can be so gone when you need them to return the favour, but it's not personal, and it isn't with your boyfriend either. The problem is, though, that this can't continue. Because with all of that on your plate, you really don't need more added to it. And being frank, there's nothing wrong with asking him for reassurance or with feeling insecure, or even asking for reassurance when you don't feel insecure! Sometimes both my boyfriend and I simply need to hear the lovey dovey things; it has nothing to do with whether or not we believe that our partner means them.

I would say that you need to drop this one like a hot potato, but who ever really "literally" drops that hot potato anyway. :P Sometimes it's more of a setting it down or if we can't find a place to put it, we'll reluctantly hold on to it, switching hands so we can handle the sting of it. You need to find a place to set him down and walk away, and not look back unless this is something he's willing to change. However, given everything you've said here, I'm assuming that this is unlikely to happen. He hasn't even given you a valid reason for walking! Simply "oh, I'm trying to prove..." which to me sounds like he's trying to turn the situation either on you, or like he's trying to deflect his responsibility in this completely. I would not go over this weekend, because I think it's going to end up hurting you more than you deserve to be hurt; it's going to hurt more than not going over, and if it doesn't then, then it will crash and burn in the future. He needs to realise that he can't walk away with you and only want to be with you if it's convenient. You are not at his beck and call, my dear, and he needs to realise that. If you do have to meet up, for whatever his reasons are, meet, like the other posters said, somewhere public, because I don't trust he won't try to weasel his way into something.

Hang in there.

[Hopelessromanticnj]

Thanks so much for the advice you guys; I ended up not going and we are now 2 years and 7 months strong!!! We were able to figure things out though there are a few things unsettled there's more compassion his way and I appreciate that.