Help?

[screammaayday]

I've been inactive the past month or so, due to the breakup with my SO. It was sort of civil, in that she told me she wanted to be with me later in life, but right now, she wanted to not be tied down during her senior year. We talked for about a week after the breakup, but cut contact about a month ago. I've taken her off my social network sites because it was doing me more harm than good to see what she was doing or who she was going out with or who she was crushing on. She seems to be moving on just fine, much happier now. I'm truly happy that she's happy, but I myself am not happy. I am okay, very calm and such, but not happy.

I was put on anti-depressants about two weeks after we broke up because of a lot of things happening and they thought it would do me well to be on them. They have helped in making me able to function normally. However, I am still really sad over losing her. I still love her and I still miss her every day. We have not talked, but I did send her a long letter saying things that I never got the chance to say as we cut contact. I know it is better for me to not have contact with her, because it would only make it worse for me. She told me after I graduate, she would consider being with me again before we stopped talking. Then, she got angry because she went on some of my accounts and read some messages where I was being flirty with a girl after we cut contact. I was flirting with this girl, which I don't know if it was wrong of me or not. But I feel like it was, because my ex got really upset over the fact that I did it and then I felt bad, much like I was being unfaithful. But on the other hand, I think how can she be angry, when she is the one who left me? She posted blogs about sexual tension between her and her new crushes, knowing I would read them. I was really upset by that and that's one of the things that caused me to decide it was better if we didn't talk.

My questions for all of you wonderful people are: Was I wrong for flirting with that girl? And also, it's been a month and a half since we broke up almost, what can I do to finally ease this pain?

[snow_girl]

You were not together, you weren't in the wrong at all. That is usually why it is a good idea to cut contact after a break up because feelings still linger and someone ends up getting hurt over the others actions. You have nothing to feel bad about. Hang out with friends, or family, read books, keep busy and soon the pain will pass.

[Riyko]

No you are not wrong for flirting with the girl, if it was after you broke up and cut contact she has no right to be mad at you. Also the only thing that can really help is time, but keeping yourself busy to get your mind off of her will help a lot.

[Minerva]

No it was not wrong. You're not together. She's moving on and posting about other girls, you can too. She doesn't get to break up with you and break your heart and then tell you not to move on. That's not fair at all. You might get back together at another point, but if you both had to keep yourselves single because you might get back together, why break up in the first place. To me it sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. She wants to flirt and date other people while you wait for her to be ready for you. And when she sees you flirting with others, she's confronted with the idea that you might just move on instead of waiting.

You're not together. She broke up with you. She has no call to be upset over who you flirt with.

As far as the sadness goes, it's normal to be sad over a break up. Considering how hard this hit you, you seem to be doing well. Don't numb yourself to it. So long as you're functioning every day and your overall trajectory is getting better, don't worry about still being sad. It's normal to be sad over a break up. Just keep yourself busy and keeping moving forward, and you'll be OK.

Take care.

*hugs*

[xAngelx]

No you were not wrong with flirting with another girl i mean you and your ex broke up so that means you single and you can flirt with who you want and i would just keep moving on like your doing now and everything will be ok I wish the best for you!

[screammaayday]

Thank you all for your responses. They've helped me kind of realize that, like Minerva said, she wants her cake and eat it too. I struggle a lot with memories, as nearly everything reminds me of her! It's kind of bittersweet. I smile when I think about it, but then it hurts because I know there won't be any more memories made. \:

[heylittlekrissy]

To be honest, if she cares enough to be mad at you for flirting with other girls, then she should still be with you, imo. But since she's the one who decided to end things, and as she's already moving on, she should be happy if you are too. Even if you two do get back together later on in life, there's no reason you shouldn't be allowed to be happy until that time. It's not easy moving on when things end with someone you care so much about, but you should be allowed to, just as you are allowing her to.

[Miramaid]

I will disagree.
It is not wrong on one side, but on the other side, if one flirts or has sex or jumps in another relationship after one month of breaking up, to me personally it means that the relationship never meant much to the person (guy or girl doesn't matter). And that is a sad part to realize for another person. Not that she is an angel. She obviously does the same, but two wrongs do not make it right.
May be you guys weren't too much into each other to begin with. It doesn't mean you are bad ppl. Just means you need to embrace it and move on. If you think that she was your true love, then I think you need to give yourself time to grief the relationship and get over her in your head before you flirt with someone and ready to date someone else.
That is just my opinion

[CynicalQuixotic]

To be honest, if she cares enough to be mad at you for flirting with other girls, then she should still be with you, imo.

...what?

OP's ex is manipulating her by trying to make her feel guilty about flirting with another girl after they had broken up, and posted about her sexual conquests on a public blog for the express purpose that screammaayday would see it, and you think that they should still be together? Color me speechless.

screammaayday, your ex is immature and manipulative. I know break ups suck exquisitely, but you are so much better off without her.

[screammaayday]

I don't quite feel like me flirting with another girl means the relationship didn't mean that much to me... on the contrary, it meant everything to me. I just couldn't sit and sulk all the time like I was. I'm not jumping into a relationship, just talking. I won't be in another relationship for a long while. And I still absolutely love the girl I was with and I have no doubt in my mind she was my "one" but I suppose some people are meant to fall in love but not meant to be together.

One of my friends still has her added on social networks and she says she posts stuff all the time about other girls or guys. I don't want to move on exactly, as in being with another person, but I do want to be happy again.

[Engel]

since she's the one who decided to end things, and as she's already moving on, she should be happy if you are too. Even if you two do get back together later on in life, there's no reason you shouldn't be allowed to be happy until that time. It's not easy moving on when things end with someone you care so much about, but you should be allowed to, just as you are allowing her to.

yes, THAT!




*goes and adds reputation to your post*

[heylittlekrissy]

@Engel, thank you

And to the original OP, when I said moving on, I didn't necessarily mean forgetting about what you had, because obviouly there was true feelings there, and it's never that easy. I meant like being able to get back into a normal routine, talking and meeting new people, trying new things, being happy again on your own. You don't have to forget her or your feelings for her at all, but you do deserve to still be able to be happy, whether or not it's with her. Hopefully that clarifies things a bit better.

[Sharon Q]

No you weren't wrong at all. She left you. She has no right to be upset should you choose to flirt with someone else. Especially if she is posting blogs about sexual tension between her an another guy.

[screammaayday]

@heylittlekrissy I understand now. I just feel like I could never picture myself with anyone else. It's hard to even respond to girls who flirt with me, because I feel as though I'm being unfaithful to her, should she ever come back.

[heylittlekrissy]

It's obvious that you really cared about her, and still do very much, so it's understandable how you might feel that way. Just remember, you don't have to let go of your feelings for her totally to be happy. I think just about everyone meets atleast one person in their life whom whether they stay together or not, they will always still care about very much, and nothing can change that, and that's okay. And it's still kind of a fresh subject, so there's no rush for you to start talking to other girls again. Take your time to heal first, and then start again when you're comfortable. You're not being unfaithful in the least though, and that's something you'll have to work on convincing yourself, because it's true; and honestly, since she obviously still cares about you, I'd like to assume (although I usually don't like to) that she would want you to be happy too, and if that means talking to other girls for the time being, then so be it. You can flirt with other girls without making any kind of commitment, and there's no rush to get back into any kind of relationship until you're ready for it. But as I've said before, everyone deserves to be happy, it's up to you to find what makes you happy though.