Fuck.

[Sharon Q]

SO when my boyfriend and I first met my mom had cancer.

She had to have a huge portion of her right lung removed.
He was able to be there for me and hug me and support me thought it. Which helped a lot.

After the surgery she was in remission ( cancer free ) for about a year.

Then it came back. There is nothing that can be done, the doctors have told her to" get comfortable. "
Because her body can not take the chemo and radiation again.

She asked them not to bother finding where this other cancer is because there really is no point if nothing can be done " no use aggravating it and making it spread "

She has turned to smoking weed to help eat. At most she eats once or TWICE a day if lucky.

She got sick with bronchitis and missing most of her right lung she can not afford to get sick.

It got bad, instead of just using oxygen when she went out of the house and slept she now needs it most of the day.

Last night I went to a friends and she had my brother stay the night to help her and keep an eye on her.

I get back, I'm watching TV while she and my dad talk we are all in the living room.

They were talking about nursing homes, and hospice. That I could handle.
Before they started talking about nursing homes or hospice care

She said

" You otta call your father and see if he will help pay.
Dad : " We cant afford to buy that'll put us under "
Mom : " Well you wanted to be beside me didnt you? "

Then they went on talking about hospice and nursing homes.

If you didnt catch what they were talking about... it was graves....

I have told my SO the full extent

Me : hey if I get a little distante its because things with mom have gotten worse "

MY SO : Well just stay cohearent "
" I'm doing homework "

Me : Well let me know when you are done and if you want we can talk about it

He's still working on homework but he dosent have much left.

He just started the online high school thing

I don't want to tell him the extent of it, As much as I need him here for me now, I need him to stay focused on school and not worry about me. I'm afraid if I tell him he will worry too much and not be able to focus on school.

He's 19 and still hasnt gotten his diploma, mostly do to no support from his dad when he lived here, his dad didnt pay attention to his mental health needs and ppl at the high school messed with him a lot so he tried online school.

Now that he's in a better environment with more emotional support than before I feel he can get his diploma but I don't want to cause any distractions, with his siblings there he has enough distraction already....

I knew this time with my mom would come, but its harder without having my SO physically here to at least hug me. Idk what to do.

[Miramaid]

I understand your concern and it is nice of you to think and care about him, but in a relationship sometimes give and take are not necessarily equal. Sometimes one gives 80% and another only 20% and later on they may switch or go to 50/50. It fluctuates and it is ok. Even though his school is important, what is going on in your life is, in my opinion, more important and I think this is one of those times where he needs to be giving more than usual and you need to be on the receiving part more than usual. I am sure you would do it for him if it was the other way around.
To what extent to tell him is your choice but I think you can tell him everything. As long as he can see that you are handling it and not loosing it, he will worry, but will not be out of control. Also he will help you through it (hopefully).

I am sorry about your mom. I can not imagine what it feels like. I think I would loose it to be honest and I definitely would need my BF to be there for me.

B strong girl and try to spend as much time with your mom as you can and tell her you love her as much as you can every day. It is horrible when our loved ones leave us and we realize how often we were taking them for granted. Make her life however long of it she has, memorable and sweet. And be strong!

[Joyce:)]

I am really sorry for what you're going through, i cannot imagine the stress and pain, and nobody should be going through this especially when they are so young.
With that said, your boyfriend really needs to get his act together. He's being selfish to an extent i can't even imagine possible.
From your previous threads it's already been clear that he does act in a way that takes you for granted, and reading this thread of yours i just felt upset by how little he seems to be there for you.
Stop worrying about making him worry. A partner is there for you in the moments of happiness, of sadness, and of grief. He needs to be there for you, and as mean as it may sound, he needs to worry for you, for your mom, for your family.
Plus, really, online classes, for highschool, don't take that long.
Plus, really, bringing up the excuse of homework in such a situation just sounds so cold, and wrong.
I worry for my SO when his grandpa is feeling sick, or when his parents have to do a minor surgery, or when anything in general is bothering him. Why shouldn't you have someone that checks on you, your mom, and how you're feeling?
This site will always try to give you support, but you really should make it clear with your boyfriend that he needs to be there for you.
He is the one you'll turn to when things get harder, and he is the one that therefore needs to know how to deal with you and your emotions.
What you are going through is a really hard moment in your life, he can't tell you "stay coherent, i'm doing homework", he should listen to you vent, and confort you.
*hugs*

[CynicalQuixotic]

I don't have any advice, but I'm so, so very sorry. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

[Sharon Q]

Its not him not being supportive. I havent told him how bad she has gotten lately.

I know its not selfish to tell him and have him be there for me.

I just really want him to stay focused on school.

And If I tell him the details he may worry to the point where he cant focus on school.

[Joyce:)]

But you told him "things with mom have gotten worse" and his answer wasn't of the nicest. i understand you want him to keep focused, but i'm betting he is still able to multi-task, and spending half an hour a day cheering you up and supporting you won't ruin his chances at graduating.

[Haley53]

I agree with joyce. I can understand the feeling of not wanting to "burden" your SO because of this, this, or that, but neither I nor my partner would ever respond to a comment like the one you made with "stay coherent. I'm doing homework." The both of us would respond with something like, "why? What's wrong?"

That said, I don't think it would be wrong to talk to your SO about what's going on. You remember my thread about how my SO's mother recently passed away. Though he has been handling what he needs to do and get done what he needs to do, I have still managed to make time for both him and school. Yes, I'll be honest and say that it's been hard because there's been a lot going on on top of supporting him through this, but I am still managing to do both, and I imagine your SO would as well. I can't see why he would sacrifice everything simply to be there for you, but more that he should work on adjusting his schedule and time so that both can take precedence.

[Sharon Q]

He already knew she had cancer, We both knew this day would come it was just a matter of time. Thus why he said " Stay cohearent " and when I'm upset about this I normally ask to change the subject to something else. I just didn't ask this time and he thought it would be okay, which it was. He's going to get on tonight and I'll talk about it when he gets on.

[beckychan]

I'm really sorry about your mom..
Having to go through such things like that can be hard and sad so I hope that you and your family are doing ok.

As far as your SO, I don't know what kind of guy he is, but I'm sure he'd rather know than not know.

[Mara]

*hugs* I'm so very sorry. Knowing it's coming doesn't make it any better.

[Sharon Q]

He hasn't got on yet, I'm guessing he fell asleep or he is having internet issues....

:/ Normally when he tells me he will be on he comes on. I'm a little worried now.

[NineInchNails_x]

I'm really sorry...My mom is a breast cancer survivor and while she was fighting it was a very hard time for us all, I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm sure he has a good reason for not being on. I wouldn't worry about him too much. Try and get your mind off of everything in the mean time. The only way I knew how to cope, especially when my boyfriend wasn't there or anyone else to lean on, was to sleep. It's nice to escape.

[Bethypoo]

First of all i'm sorry and feel free to PM me. I am 22 and i went through about the same thing you are right now so unlike some of the people here, i do in fact know what you are going through and how you feel. My mom died almost 2 years ago...20 months to be more exact.

Second, let him know what is going on. You need to be honest and he does need to at least be there for you in some respect. He does have his own stuff going on and it is great that you understand that. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him what is going on.

We are all here for you and the last thing that you need to worry about is your SO. Deal with him later but right now you and your mom are more important.

[Ms.Justine]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

[Jtakh11]

I am so sorry for your mother i will hope and pray for you guys. But i think your SO needs to man up he should be caring for you and making time in this situation. I mean if i start crying or im not feeling well my SO drops everything and wont sleep till im feeling better and it does make me feel guilty but your situation is much worse and he should understand you and your time of need hw is hw your moms life is alittle more important.