I need some advice

[dx91mike]

Ok so I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my fiance, we been together for over year and a half and we're in love but the problem I'm having is that always make her upset over something. How do i become a better partner for her when we are apart? What can i do for her while we are apart? Please help I don't want to lose her!

Thank you

-Michael

[Haley53]

Would you mind providing us with an example of what you make her upset over? Or a couple, would be helpful.

[Sharon Q]

As for how to stop making her upset, we need more details as to what upsets her.

As for things you can do.

Just make her feel special. Complement her, surprise her, call to just say you love her.

[dx91mike]

When i act a little selfish (I try not to be) I hardly talk on phone with her but when we're in person we are inseparable. I can't multitask and i be looking at useless junk on the pc while (not) talking to her. She thinks i don't care about her and she thinks i treat my best friends better than her. I just don't know what to do I don't like making her go to be upset. I just want to be a better partner for her and not be an selfish asshole. Recently I made it sound like i was going to break up with her if she didn't go to see me, because her work might not give her the 2 weeks off to come see me at my home state. I regret not telling her i'll be there for her no matter what.

[CynicalQuixotic]

When i act a little selfish (I try not to be) I hardly talk on phone with her but when we're in person we are inseparable. I can't multitask and i be looking at useless junk on the pc while (not) talking to her. She thinks i don't care about her and she thinks i treat my best friends better than her. I just don't know what to do I don't like making her go to be upset. I just want to be a better partner for her and not be an selfish asshole. Recently I made it sound like i was going to break up with her if she didn't go to see me, because her work might not give her the 2 weeks off to come see me at my home state. I regret not telling her i'll be there for her no matter what.

Well, there's your answer right there. Why would you threaten to break up with the fiancée you supposedly love if her workplace wouldn't give her time off? Is there a part of the story you're not telling us? Because that's some pretty douchey behavior in a vacuum, I would definitely think my boyfriend didn't care about me if he pulled something like that. Have you apologized? That would be a very good first step.

[dx91mike]

Yes I did apologize to her. I do love her. Just the distance stresses me out a lot and hearing her upset over something and can't help her really sucks.

[floridaellen]

I think you need to focus more on her. Start by not being at the computer while you are at the phone - maybe walk around your house or lay down. This will allow you to put more attention on her and make her feel more loved.

[HerSunflower]

Definately get off the computer to talk to her. There are moments when that special someone you love will want some alone time with you, that doesn't mean it's just you two. It means focusing on each other to a great extent. I've talked with my girlfriend when she's on the computer and believe me it's sometimes frustrating when all you hear is silence and little finers running across some keyboard doing who knows what, obviously busy with something else.

[Jgui]

I understand sometimes its hard to change old habits.. But sometimes thats what a person need to do in order to have somethin else work out.

As far as the talking on the phone issue, me and my SO doesnt talk on the phone much as well. We're both not phone person but when we're together we're inseparable. So everyone is defenitly different on that, so my question is has the talking on the phone changed from the beginning?

As for when she is over and youre spending time on the computer instead of time with her, unless youre both on the computer watching something it isnt good to do your own thing and leave her sitting there.. Im sure she would love to spend some time with you as you both dont see each other very often. You can always be on the computer but you cant always spend time with her.

And why would you indirectly blame her for not being able to get the time off to see you? Its not her fault that her boss didnt approve the request. Couldnt you went to visit her instead if she cant take time off? Me and my SO has oppoisit schedules so we both take turn driving to each other. It shouldnt just be 1 person effort.

Maybe it would be wise to have a talk with her. Asking her what she would like from you as a boyfriend and what youre doing that she doesnt totally agree with and vice versa. Maybe thers things she does that you dont totally agree with also. There are 2 people in a relationship so it takes 2 to make things work

Best of wishes to you both

[Haley53]

I agree with the others.

If you're unable to multi-task to that point, then you need to be somewhere else when talking to her on the phone. Laying on the bed or the couch while speaking with her will allow for you to put your complete focus on her. If you're not so much of a phone person, then perhaps you two could consider talking more over messenger or Skype, or playing games together, for example, while on Skype, giving you both something to do in addition to talking to one another. Being honest, what you have in front of you is a really easy fix. If the issue is that you aren't making enough time for her, make time for her, simple as.

In regards to it being hard not to be able to be there when she's hurt/upset... This makes sense and I think we all feel it. However, I think you need not to underestimate the power of listening and what simply being there for someone can do. She's not expecting you to fix her problem, but rather she's likely looking for someone to listen to her cry and then say something consoling. If she's not able to come out because work won't give her the time off, that is not her problem, that is something her work is unable to accomodate for, and she's likely just as upset about it as you are. As opposed to threatening to break up with her because of something she can't help, why not tell her that you'll both work it out and look for ways that you can both work around this/when you can arrange for another visit. Or maybe she could help you with getting up to see her, if she's unable to get time off to go see you.