How should I deal with this?

[Daylan]

This happens quite a lot, but I need an outside opinion about this. My girlfriend and I were texting earlier today and she told me that she had to do a few things then when she got home she was going to take a nap. Completely fine, here's the problem: every time she tells me that she's going to do something, she always says that she'll text me when she gets done or when she wakes up from her nap. Every single time it never fails that she doesn't text me until I tell her good night or good morning the next day. Should I bring this up to her or just let it go? I know people have a tendency to forget every now and then, but this is almost every damn time.

And not only that, but when I ask her to do something for me (nothing hard or difficult or even demanding, like say send me a picture of her new hair color) she never does it. She says that she will do it when she has time, yet after asking about it very casually throughout the whole, say, 20-30 minutes we text each other, she never does it when she get's near a computer. Like I said before, people have a tendency to forget, but this I'm not sure of. I even sent her a picture of me AND a rose I picked for her, PLUS not only that, but sent her a list of songs I listen to because I had asked her if she wouldn't mind doing the same for me when we were talking about music the other day. I know she is busy with college and homework and *coughcoughhertimeofthemonthcoughcough*, but it seems like she could take no more than 5 minutes to send me one or two pictures. Maybe I'm just raging right now because it's getting late and I need to vent, but I just don't understand it. LFAD is the only community I can really talk to because I know someone has gone through this. Thanks.

[garnet]

Ha her time of the month? Really? I rather doubt that is taking up a whole lot of her time. :P

I think some people are just like this. You can't change them. If you push too hard you will just push her away. Maybe if you take a few steps back, she will notice, miss you and your attention, and try a little harder?

[Zapookie]

Some people are just like that. Either they don't realise, or they procrastinate, or they're lazy. I would talk to her about it if I were you. Good luck

[heylittlekrissy]

If it really bothers you, I would gently bring it up to her. But to be honest, some people seem to be just like that. My SO will say he'll text me when he gets done with class and I won't hear back from him till a couple hours later when I find him on xbox; on occasion though, he'll start texting to see when I'll be free for us to talk, but that's something he's recently started doing. Also, he's really bad about sending pictures when I ask for one lol, and I know he's camera shy, so I try not to push the subject too much, because like garnet mentioned, it could easily have the opposite effect if you do.

[My Sunshine]

I have this same problem with my boyfriend occassionally and I know it can be very annoying, but some people just aren't into texting all that much. In a sense, it holds no meaning. You can tell someone you love them, but it isn't the same if it's just words on a screen as opposed to them saying it to you. People get busy doing stuff sometimes and they don't want to have to check their phone every 5mins.

If it's something that's really bothering you, I would bring it up to her, but don't get on her case about it. Both of you are living your own lives despite being together and sometimes irl stuff gets in the way. Doesn't mean they don't care about you or don't love you, just means they've probably got stuffs to do.

I do wish you luck with your situation

[Sierra]

I'm going to go against the grain here, to me this is alarming behavior. Sure, people forget to check your phones but would anyone here just forget to get in contact with their SO when you said that you would ... on a regular, daily from the sounds of it, basis? I know I wouldn't.

Maybe it's just me, but I would definitely talk to her. I would not tolerate this behavior in a relationship. Sure, people aren't slaves to their phone but it's not hard to send off a text, especially after you said you would. I'd be concerned.

Talk to her and best of luck in your situation.

[cybunny]

I would also say talk to her first about it. Let her know that when she neglects to text you and other stuff that it leaves you feeling ignored and not important. Do it gently and in a way that she wont feel like she is being attacked by you.

[nic&matt]

I can say I honestly do this...a lot. For me I generally forget and I leave my phone random places. My SO likes it when I send him pictures of my shopping, so he can help pick out new clothes, but I never thought it was that big of a deal so I rarely did it. Later, my SO sat me down (when I was in a good mood) and really explained how much it meant to him and how much he loved it/made him feel like apart of my life. I really have to work hard at it, and every once and a while I'll slip but now that he communicated this need, I really understand why he wants me to do it, etc. etc.
Just try being very honest.

[Malaga]

People have different attachment styles. I suggest you look into attachment theory for adults. Personally for me it was a lot easier to understand some situations between me and my boyfriend once I was able to understand which types we are (and yes we're different types but we're still doing well).

I strongly recommend a book called Attached, it really puts it in perspective and explains how it affects your relationships.

Also please keep in mind that even if you are different types, that doesn't have to mean she doesn't care for you as much as you care for her. It's just that she may not need as much contact to feel reassured as you do, and making it work is only a question of understanding and compromise.

[Daylan]

@garnet: I tried this one day where I didn't even give her a text because I wanted to give her space. At the end of the day, I texted her and it seemed like it was no different as if I did text her mostly because of the face she was with friends, so she was distracted.

@heylittlekrissy: I recently made a twitter account for two reasons. One, because I just wanted to see how it was like (don't have many followers, so nothing all that great, lol) and two because Jess uses twitter all the time. Problem is (and I mentioned this in a post a while back) she doesn't know I have a twitter and I don't want it to seem like I'm smothering her, trying to see what she's up to and blah blah blah. But, it's the only thing I can count on when I start getting kinda....not paranoid, but something like that. She says that she'll take a nap and when she wakes up she'll text me. But, after like 7-9 hours of just doing whatever I do around the house, I check twitter and seen that she posted something about having a nightmare...I wouldn't hear NOTHING from her until the next day. It makes me feel like she just totally puts me out of mind...

@My Sunshine: she texts a good bit, I'm sure, but it's the only way we can communicate since her webcam and microphone went kaput some time ago. This is why I ask for pictures because it's been too damn long since I've seen her and all I have are two screenshots someone got of her months before we started dating and while they're really good, I need something more update because she recently changed her hair color and I wanted to see how it looked. She said she took pictures, but she never sent them to me (like I had mentioned in the original post) Actually, her microphone couldn't have gone out because I heard her last night on blogtv when I was on a friends show. The friend was on skype and I could tell it was her yelling and laughing because I know how she sounds (plus she's the only one who really gets loud, lol).

@Sierra: I've been REALLY patient with her and hoping that she would realize that she's been doing this for a while now. It's only been happening recently since she started school back in early October, and I came to the conclusion that it had to be school work that is bogging her down, but I don't know anymore. I've been thinking about just taking a break, but I'm just scared that it might end up that she doesn't want to get back with me and we've been together for 3 months since yesterday (I know that might seem insignificant to anyone, but to me that's a long time because I've never been in a relationship this long...if you want to call it that)

@cybunny: How should I go about it? "Oh hey baby, how was your day? Oh that's good, BTW, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. It's seems that lately you've been neglecting me in a manner of ways and I was just wondering why. I know it's a silly concept, but just humor me" -_- (btw, that was complete sarcasm and I would never go about it that way)

@nic&matt: I should probably do this too because it would mean a great deal to me if I could be part of her life. It seems that there are two kinds of distances between us and I don't like it. But, I always think that it's asking too much when I want something from her and I don't know why. It doesn't take much effort nor time, and I just...I don't know. It feels like I can't cut up with her like I use to...like the relationship got serious and I don't like that either. It seems I can be myself and just be Daylan around my girl friends, cutting up, making innuendos, have an actual hearty laugh...but with Jessica the last time I've ever did that was back in August when we were dating only for about a month...we use to send dirty text messages, have a good time, miss one another...even boldly sent dirty pictures at one point. While the dirty aspect isn't the most important one, anytime I ever try to make things..."interesting" by saying something provocative, that's it. I say it, she gives me the face and it just stops there. It use to go on and on for a good 20-30 minutes. I can't joke around like I can around my friends because all I have are inside jokes and I feel weird trying to be intimate with her because she called me out on my clinginess. I just want to go back to the times when we use to have fun...

@Malaga: I looked that that link you sent me and I apparently am the first negative one. I don't mean to be clingy, but it's just who I am and she's the one who is independent and doesn't need that much attention. I just really hope that our two different types can intermingle and work out because I truely and honestly do love her and I would give anything to be with her right now.

All in all, it feels like I'm the only one who really gives a shit, but sometimes she'll send me something personal like when we're saying good night, she'll send "Good night baby. I love you my soulmate <3 xoxxo" She only recently started doing the xo thing. She'll sometimes call me her prince (and I'll always call her my princess) but....that's about it.

[Bethypoo]

Defiantly talk to her. People do forget but, in m opinion, it seems like there may be a bit more to it than that. Communication should not only be one sided. Some are able to show emotion, like you do in sending a list of songs, a rose ect... than others. Its is not fair to completely blame her for not returning that specific type of emotional content. Maybe that just isnt her personality or she isnt ready. Either way, just ask her.

Let her know that it bugs you that she doesn't return calls when she says she will and let her know why it bugs you and what you would like to happen. Find a common ground.

[heylittlekrissy]

Well, if that's how you feel, then I would mention it to her. Relationships, and especially LDR's, are based on communication. In LDR's this is much more essential because when you can't be together or haven't been together in person yet, communication is all you have. I would just let her know how you're feeling, and that you enjoy hearing from her whenever she's not busy, and work from there. Also remember though that some people don't necessarily feel the same need for constant communication, so it may honestly be a totally honest mistake(for lack of a better word) on her part. But that's why you should talk to her about it, and see if you can come to some kind of compromise with her about it, and see if she'll work on that a little too. Best wishes on working out something so that you're both happy

[Malaga]

@Malaga: I looked that that link you sent me and I apparently am the first negative one. I don't mean to be clingy, but it's just who I am and she's the one who is independent and doesn't need that much attention. I just really hope that our two different types can intermingle and work out because I truely and honestly do love her and I would give anything to be with her right now.

Just because you're an anxious type doesn't mean it's negative. You're right, it's who you are. There are many positives to that. You're affectionate, romantic, committed, attentive, etc. I'm an anxious type too, and my boyfriend is secure, which is what your girlfriend kind of sounds like. That's actually a great combination, because secure types are usually pretty good at putting up with our drama.

I tend to overanalyze details too, how many kisses he put at the end of his emails, how many affectionate names he's called me, how quickly does he come online after he's come home from work, etc. There's never a time when I'm not thinking about him, even in the background. So it's hard to grasp how come he can focus on something else for a few hours and not think about me or 'forget' about me. When he does that my impulse is to think he doesn't care as much. But I know that's not true. He just doesn't need as much reassurance from me as I need of him.

I would recommend you guys set up a routine, so you have set times in a day when you know you'll talk to her. It helps me a lot.

[Daylan]

Just because you're an anxious type doesn't mean it's negative. You're right, it's who you are. There are many positives to that. You're affectionate, romantic, committed, attentive, etc. I'm an anxious type too, and my boyfriend is secure, which is what your girlfriend kind of sounds like. That's actually a great combination, because secure types are usually pretty good at putting up with our drama.

I tend to overanalyze details too, how many kisses he put at the end of his emails, how many affectionate names he's called me, how quickly does he come online after he's come home from work, etc. There's never a time when I'm not thinking about him, even in the background. So it's hard to grasp how come he can focus on something else for a few hours and not think about me or 'forget' about me. When he does that my impulse is to think he doesn't care as much. But I know that's not true. He just doesn't need as much reassurance from me as I need of him.

I would recommend you guys set up a routine, so you have set times in a day when you know you'll talk to her. It helps me a lot.

That's pretty much me in a nutshell, lol. I don't necessarily count the X's and O's, in fact I don't even know why she does that, but hell I'm cool with it. But yeah, I would like to think of myself as romantic, definitely committed and attentive (I know what her favorite flower is, I know what her favorite color is -because it's mine to, who would've guess- I know when her birthday is, I know who her favorite artist are, I know her cup size, all the small little details :P haha) and I am especially affectionate, and I can't wait to show it when she comes down to visit me in the next few weeks (sometime in November). I know she doesn't forget about me because she still texts me when she can, and I know that she still cares about me (I mean, in an LDR you have to put full trust in everything with your S.O and I'm already a really trusting person). And also anytime she does text me after X amount of hours, I feel so much better and secure to the point of where I feel sleepy and could just go to bed right there.

I stay at home all day with little to no human contact from 8 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon (unless I'm in my room the whole day) because all my friends are either at school or at work, so it's kinda hard to not think about Jess unless I somehow busy myself with whatever chore or hobby (I like to play guitar/bass). The only time I don't think about Jess is when I hang out with my friends, because they are occupying my time...which is probably the reason why she doesn't text me because some days her classes are canceled and she goes out and hangs with friends, so maybe I shouldn't be as pissed or what have you.

[Zephii]

@cybunny: How should I go about it? "Oh hey baby, how was your day? Oh that's good, BTW, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. It's seems that lately you've been neglecting me in a manner of ways and I was just wondering why. I know it's a silly concept, but just humor me" -_- (btw, that was complete sarcasm and I would never go about it that way)

Maybe I'm a weirdo (albeit I'm a weirdo with no communication problems in her relationship) but this is pretty much exactly how I'd go about bringing it up. "So hey, I was having some toughts I'd like to talk through..." also works. Seriously, just jump right in there.

Never be afraid to say "I need more"... or anything else (that is not abusive obviously) for that matter. You should never have to worry about talking to the one you love. They will either accept you how you are and love you for your flaws, or they'll leave you to find someone who can.