Vent about friend & family comments

[rsvpnj]

I am getting so sick and tired of hearing people comment on how much money we are “wasting” on airfare to see each other. Um… since when is spending money to see each other a waste?! I keep trying to explain to them that they would feel differently if their SO wasn’t here with them…but no one understands except those in LDRs. I get so frustrated whenever someone comments on this… its getting to the point where I’m starting to feel bitter towards those that continue to say it. How can they not understand that we want to see each other and that an hour on the phone each day isn’t enough? I have been fortunate enough to see my SO every month since March. I have been hearing this every week since then… I hate being irritated with my friends and family but come on… We just want to feel like a regular couple for a few days a month… is that so crazy?


**********Happened this morning!!! Friday October 28, 2011******

UGH... I had to hear it again this morning about how I am wasting money going to see my SO... I am going to see him next week because we are going to a mutual friends wedding together. This is the 3rd wedding I am flying out for in as many months. I actually skipped one to save money. (Which of course, according to everyone was the best out of all of them) My mom is like I don't know why you have to go to these stupid weddings. Its such a waste of money. I keep reminding her that since I won't have any family when we close the distance next year, I need to keep a strong relationship with the people the will be our support system. These have been our friends for years. They will be the ones who help us with babysitting, carpooling with us, helping me find a job in a few months, and spending time with us and the kids. So its important to me to be there on such an important day! So then my mother says "I hope you're not going out to California for a while after this next trip." Then she was like its such a waste for you two to keep flying to see each other. You're moving there next year! Is she kidding? MY SO & I have been together over 9 years and the first few years of that we would only see each other once a year. Its hard enough not seeing him for 4 weeks at a time.... its gets harder to deal every time we separate and I end up going through short bouts of depression. I don't know why my family doesn't understand that it makes me happy to see him.. that we need that physical connection to "keep the faith" and keep going and not go crazy.

[PhoebeInWonderland]

I hear ya, I get alot of shit from my family and its been 3 years! You think they would be used to it by now and just be quiet. Everytime there is a family get together all I here is negative stuff from them. "You should just date another man to make him move here" - what?? Half of my family members call him my friend rather than my boyfriend. They dont' see it as a real relationship because we live so far away. Very frustrated. I wish there was a way to make them understand or at least get them to stop acting rude about it. - my rant done :P

[Minerva]

Oh yeah. I'm waiting to hear this from my mom. I live with her, and even though I'm a grown woman with a divorce and a child, she still thinks because we live together she has a say in my life. She's helped me out a lot, but she seems to think I'm her indentured servant because of the help she's given me. We haven't told her yet about our relationship, but I know when we do, she's going to give me nothing but shit about the expense every time I go see him. Plus she's an anglophile and will resent that I'm going to England so much and not taking her.

*sigh*

If you find a good answer to this, let me know.

[CanadianGirl]

My SO's mom has told him that she's not sure how he can afford me.. He has student loans he's paying off now, so money is an issue. But jeez, I'm as low maintenance as they come, the distance is unfortunate but that airplane ticket means a whole lot of happiness for the two of us. My mother still refuses to acknowledge the fact that I love him as much more than a friend. She asks why I have to visit him so often, it's way too expensive. I SEE HIM 3 DAMN TIMES A YEAR. .-.

[heylittlekrissy]

I was discussing money with my mom earlier and she was like "Well, at this rate, you'll never be able to save up enough money to go see Chad in Wisconsin, oh well" and started laughing. Like, I'm really close with my mom, so that definitely hurt. It really is a shame people aren't more understanding :/

[Haley53]

I feel like both my SO and I are fortunate in the sense we both have/had mothers who understood our situation (of loving one another) and who supported it regardless, even if neither of them really understood it (why we'd do/are doing LD), and both are/were extremely accomodating, even if both he and I were in charge of financing our own trips.

However, I do understand the comments and not wanting to deal with the negativity. It really does get entirely too wearing. :/ I've been receiving a number of discouraging comments about my relationship and its status lately as well, and though it may be that I'm particularly vulnerable lately (normally it doesn't bother me, but I also don't put up with it too regularly on a normal day) but it's been bugging me quite a bit. So even if on not the same subject, I can empathise with the feeling of being on the receiving end of such disparaging remarks, especially since it's obvious they come from people who don't understand the situation or even seem to try.

[heylittlekrissy]

I think sometimes the worst part about the comments I get, they come from my mom, whom I love and respect so much, and the fact she seemed so understand when I first told her almost 3 months ago. Since then, she's made it quite well known that she doesn't entirely approve of it. That, and she seems to think it's like a phase, like it's going to go away any day now.
On the other hand, I've started opening up a lot more to all of my friends about my LDR with a boy I haven't met in person yet and have met very little opposition from them, so that helps.

[Sharon Q]

My SO and I were supposed to go to job corps together but he felt he would rather stay in PA seeing as he hasnt seen his moms side of the family in SIX YEARS.

My mom's comment to that was " Oh I knew he wouldn't go with you " and then she laughed.

It does hurt a lot worse when it comes from parents whom you are close to.

[Kerry]

people who aren't in LDRs just don't understand what it's like to be in this kind of a relationship. they see their partners daily/often and don't have the same issues that we have. I've been lucky in that the only people who don't support my relationship with my bf are jealous anonymous crazy bitches on fb that neither of us have ever met.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

They just don't understand because they're not living it. I have this "friend" (well, she thinks we're friends, but I don't consider her a friend because of the things she's said to me) who has said some pretty hurtful things to me about my relationship with Anthony. She and her boyfriend started dating 2 months before Anthony and I, and she's a few years younger than me, so she thinks she knows it all because she's together with her SO 16.5 months and I'm with Anthony 14.5 months. She's rubbed it in my face so many times that she can spend time with her boyfriend whenever she wants to because they live in the same town and he goes to college locally. When she can't see him because he's busy or she's doing something for school, she makes it seem as if it's the end of the world and will be like "I miss you soooooooooo much sweetie! ilu <3333333333" on his FB wall. One thing in particular she said to me that put me over the edge. She told me I should break up with Anthony because we're Long Distance. I was on FB chat with her when she told me and I flipped out on her!!! I told her she would never understand what I was feeling and that I love him more than anything in the world. People need to just let me have my relationship like I let them have theirs. I don't judge their relationships, so they shouldn't criticize us for what we do. We do it because we have no choice. Anthony and I have wanted to be together for YEARS and the circumstances just happened to be not so ideal for us at the time we began dating. But, we know it's only temporary, even though it's still years away, but we can so do this and we will have a wonderful future together close distance some day!

[Semperfikindoflove]

I just read this and wanted to say that you have to ignore what they say. No one will understand who hasn't been through it and honestly no one else has a right to judge your life. Parents sometimes can be the toughest critics of our relationships and sometimes they aren't as understanding as we would like them to be. I actually wrote a blog on this today about individuals (friends and family) not understanding what it is like to be in a military relationship and the difficulty of all of it. No one knows the situation unless they are put in it and have to face the same hardships that you face. Keep your head up and remember you are the one who knows your own relationship better than anyone and if that is what you two need to make this year less difficult than the more power to you. If you need anything please let me know!

[Ms.Justine]

People are ignorant and it drives me nuts when people say... "well you guys aren't really dating just more like glorified pen pals!" f#%k youuu !

[Jgui]

People just don't understand unless those who are or have been in LRD before. My friends always ask me is it worth it driving 2 hours to see my SO for 1-2 days and to me, yes-it does, because if we don't even sacrifice something so simple as driving to see one another it wouldn't work out.

Just ignor what others are saying.

[DemonxOisin]

lol, I had a "friend" in high school who would never stop bitching about how much she missed her boyfriend, how they never got to spend time together, and how she was considering ending their relationship just because they didn´t see each other often enough. Oh, did I mention, THEY WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL. They had lunch together every day, and had fourth period spare together. WHAT. And it was only ever me she would complain to.

Like... Are you serious?

[heylittlekrissy]

lol, I had a "friend" in high school who would never stop bitching about how much she missed her boyfriend, how they never got to spend time together, and how she was considering ending their relationship just because they didn´t see each other often enough. Oh, did I mention, THEY WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL. They had lunch together every day, and had fourth period spare together. WHAT. And it was only ever me she would complain to.

Like... Are you serious?

Oh yeah, I'd have wanted to strangle her if I were you :P