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**lucybelle** · November 1, 2011, 01:50 PM

I feel like those who have been with more people will say that's better, and the people who have one been with one person will say that's better. Why? Because both sides don't know what they're missing. People who have been with multiple partners will know the hardships of breakups and dating. People who have only been with one person will not know the experience of "finding" yourself by testing out all the flavors... so to speak.

Me? I've been with more than one partner. And I'm glad. But that just follows my previously stated hypothesis

**CanadianGirl** · November 1, 2011, 01:59 PM

My SO is my first relationship, first real love, and we are very much committed to each other. Also the only person I've been intimate with. My friends and my SO have asked, if I'll ever feel like I'm missing out if I stay with my first boyfriend. ..I think the question is just bizarre. I've found everything I could want and more. I could go on and on about why he's special, and I just know we could have a wonderful future together. Why would it be necessary to date a bunch of guys I wouldn't stay with before dating my SO? I appreciate him and this relationship very much without having to compare. Sleeping around really never appealed to me. And while casual dating seems like it could be fun, I'm so SO glad I am off the market.

I think most people's first relationships are silly little flings they've had in high school and the like. I know beyond a doubt that I wouldn't want to marry any of the guys I met in high school.. Some people actually find a real connection and that's nothing to scoff at. It's rare but it happens. If you told me when I was 16, that I would want to marry (and move across a county for..) my first boyfriend, I'd laugh at you. For a long time. What would I say now? If someone managed to meet a real keeper on the first shot, they should thank their lucky stars and hold on tight.

EDIT: lucybelle brings up a good point! I wouldn't say it's better to only be with one guy though, just luck. I think we all find ourselves through the conflicts in our lives and you can certainly have that within one relationship or by multiple ones.

**snow_girl** · November 1, 2011, 02:03 PM

If you are happy the way things are then let them be. I remember my first boyfriend, I thought we were going to get married and he was my first. We had a really great relationship but we drifted apart and when I started dating again I was so so so happy we ended it as I found qualities in other people that went way better with my personality and realized that things I thought were normal with my ex were things I didn't have to put up with because there was a whole pile of guys out there with all the things I wanted and wouldn't feel like I had to settle.

**Trethsparr** · November 1, 2011, 02:10 PM

Originally posted by Kelly.92 View Post

Does/would it bother you if you were only ever with the same person??

I think it's cute and admirable when you hear about an old couple that have been together since the war and married for something amazing like 65 years.... Like childhood sweethearts!!!

What do you think?

I feel that if you lucky enough find "the one" early, you find the one, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I do believe that there are things that can be learned from failed relationships (namely, what you do and don't want in a relationship), but if you're already happy in your relationship, then that's great! I don't, personally, see a point in going out with numerous people only for the "experience," just to end up getting my heart broken when the relationships end, but others' mileage may vary in how they view dating.

If you're perfectly happy now, then you are definitely not "settling."

My SO (now my husband) is only my second SO, and I'm his first SO. He's my first love and my first everything else (except for the kiss. Sigh.

), and I'm the first for him in everything. It doesn't bother us a bit - we prefer it that way. We hope to be the old married couple you mentioned in your example someday.

**Haley53** · November 1, 2011, 02:46 PM

I disagree that someone's opinion on first relationships not being the one you agree with automatically means someone likes to sleep around/have multiple relationships.

I didn't date in high school. I wasn't interested in any of the high school boys. I was, however, interested in someone in Ireland (and so began my fated curse...). It didn't go anywhere, and though I would say we had something of a summer "fling," we weren't dating and did not date. However, I won't lie and say had he not held on to the opinion that he did not want a LDR, had he decided he wanted to give our relationship a go, despite everything, I'd have said "yes" in a heartbeat.

My first proper relationship (titles and all, exclusive and all) was when I was 18. I had found someone I cared for, maybe even loved/fell in love with. He was never anyone I expected to marry, but he was someone with whom I didn't necessarily see, or want to see, an ending. It wasn't until I had moved on from that relationship that I was able to look back and recognise what red flags I'd missed.

I can certainly say that I'm very grateful I didn't choose to stay with either of them! Yes, the one was the improvement of the other, same as my "current" is the improvement of my ex. For me, I think that it was impossible to have any idea of what exactly I wanted the first go round, or even the second, because though I think it's perfectly reasonable to have an idea of an ideal, my opinion is that it's hard to shape that ideal without having the experience. I think for me, I learned a lot from breaking free of my old/past relationships. I learned a lot that I thought that I wanted then... wasn't what I wanted later or what I needed. Things I thought I wouldn't need I didn't discover until I looked back and could objectively view the relationship. etc. For me, dealing with the two before the one now had nothing to do with multiple relationships or sleeping around (I didn't lose my virginity to either). At the time, they really were what I wanted, but I think that I grew in those relationships and I don't think I would have grown in the same ways had those relationships not ended. So knowing/having experienced that, I think that yes, it would bother me.

**13000km** · November 1, 2011, 03:06 PM

It really does depend on the individual couple. My boyfriend's sister started dating her (now) husband in her sophomore year of high school, got married at 21, had to go through long distance when he was working out of town, and are now expecting their first child. I've seen it work, hope her story gives you a little bit of motivation. (:

**Kelly.92** · November 1, 2011, 03:24 PM

Thank you everyone for your views

I feel like those who have been with more people will say that's better, and the people who have one been with one person will say that's better. Why? Because both sides don't know what they're missing.

^^ Good point Lucybelle, like you say, I don't know any better, it's all I know... And I believe it's a positive thing

All I can say is that I am very content and happy in my relationship, and for now I only wish we can continue to grow as a couple and as best friends through our lives together. It is very motivating to hear of couples like your sister 1300Km!!! It's nice to know it does and can work out, and not hearing all the negatives from what a few of my friends have said

PS. Long distance sucks! I am needing a hug right now....

x

**Biddlybiddlybombop** · November 1, 2011, 03:59 PM

Experience is invaluable, but the right person is also invaluable.
That's how I see it.

**garnet** · November 1, 2011, 04:26 PM

I married my high school sweetheart, first love, it lasted 11 years of marriage. It wasn't good for us. I probably would have been fine, but he always had the urge to know what else was out there, what it was like with others. We weren't even divorced before he was living with his stripper whore. Maybe if he'd gotten that sh*t out of his system earlier, things would have worked out. Maybe not. I think it depends on the person.

**Mara** · November 1, 2011, 04:36 PM

For me, personally, I'm glad I didn't end up with my childhood sweetheart or even my high school sweetheart. I almost married my high school sweetheart and I'm very glad I didn't. I didn't know then what I needed or wanted in a man and even if I did we were just children, it wasn't like he was the man then that he would become.

I think we could have been happy together and if we had really wanted to, we could have made a lifetime together work, but honestly, my current SO is a much, much better match for me.

**SDPersona** · November 1, 2011, 07:34 PM

Really, like everyone else said: It depends on the individual person. Some feel like their childhood/school sweetheart is enough to last a lifetime, others don't feel like that, always wanting to know what is out there or need to grow as a person first. The latter applied to me. I was fifteen years old when I met the guy who would be my first boyfriend and he was a wonderful first boyfriend. We were a couple for three years, with breaks inbetween. Eventually we broke up because of those breaks. I always wanted those breaks and in hindsight I know the reason why now: I didn't know what I wanted and I wasn't quite ready to commit to one guy.

Now I am almost twenty-five years old, a different person from when I was fifteen and very much ready to commit to my current SO, after being with several people first and learning about myself.

**kiara_silver** · November 1, 2011, 09:01 PM

For me my SO is my first everything too, first love, kiss just everything. And I personally feel so lucky, I found the guy i want to spend my life with without having to be hurt and broken hearted over some one i'm not meant to be with. I've worried about this at one point. Since we were each others first, if he would ever feel like he missed out, or if he wants to know who else is out there. But we make each other happy. We love each other and can't picture being with anyone else. I think it depends on you and him. Would this ever bother you? For me I have no desire to know what else is out there, and have no want to be with anyone else. I found my man and plan to keep him lol. And I think it's amazing to be able to say i've been with one man, and be able to point across the room and say thats him, my husband. I wan't to be able to say that one day.

**Bobbiejeanne** · November 1, 2011, 11:26 PM

My first love with in High School, and we were together for 2 years and 7 months, took a break, then got back together for about 2 more months before calling it quits.

Honestly, we were engaged for a small amount of time in there, and I thought he was an amazing guy, but in the end he got a little....well, paranoid about me, and the relationship went sour after about a week of verbal abuse and threats to kill himself if I left.

no, not the greatest way to end it... but if you had asked me me months before that if I loved him, I would have said "YES!!!!!"

It really depends on how you tow work together. If your perfect, then who's to say you won't be together forever? I have nothing against HS/Childhood sweethearts, and I've heard some great stories about couples I know meeting in high school, and being married at 18, and still being together 50 years later.
Love is a wonderful thing! And some people are lucky enough to find it early

**Zapookie** · November 2, 2011, 03:42 AM

My SO is pretty much my first real love/relationship. He's the only person I've ever been with. We are amazing together and in my opinion, I feel lucky that I didn't have to kiss a bunch of frogs before I found my prince. I have no urge to look elsewhere because I found everything I want in him and so much more, and I know he feels the same.

When we first met in person, it was kind of daunting. I was thinking.... "This is it. This is the person I want to be with forever. Forever is a long time.... oh my.. but he's the most perfect person for me in the whole world (literally!!) and I can't see myself without him." I feel sort of abnormal for feeling this way, but blessed at the same time.

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Childhood sweethearts.... Good or bad thing?

Childhood sweethearts.... Good or bad thing?

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