is it bad to feel like this....

[megfashion]

he is coming back on november 26th/27th just for 2 days.

and im dreading it.

the time we have together is always so short, so snappy, and then after 2 days its 3 weeks again or whatever.
i wish he didnt come in november and just waited till december 16th (thats when his uni breaks up).


its a horrible thing to say, but i really just cant take being drained again... having the whole "come back" thing happen again. i know i should be greatful for seeing him like once every 3 weeks.... but its just so so tiresome and emotional.
january to may, i will be seeing him once. thats about 13 weeks, with one seeing nearer the start than the end.

for some reason i just want to shout to him "give me a break! pleeeaaasee"

i feel bad for feeling it, but ugh -.-

[Kelly.92]

I don't think your a bad and evil person for thinking that at all!! But honestly you are very lucky to be able to see your SO every 3 weeks. I see mine about every 3 weeks as well,and like you, only for a couple of days, 3 if we are lucky!

I hate the emotional downfall when they leave again, it's truly awful. I think you should focus on the positive side of things when you are together, rather than dread and count down the hours until they leave! I used to do exactly this, and rather than enjoying our little time together we used to spend the weekend upset and annoyed about the fact that the other has to leave for work/uni in 'x' amount if hours!

My advice would be to enjoy the time you have together, stop focusing on the negative and the 'leaving me again' feelings... It's hard, but appreciate the effort he makes just for a little 2 days to be with you ....

Hope you feel better about this before he next comes!
If you truly think you need a break though, talk to him about it ......

Good luck
x

[Madge]

I guess it is up to you but wouldn't you find it a blessing that you can break up the distance with those two days?

Leaving is always hard and no matter how many times I leave my SO I have a week or so of being depressed. Anyway, if you really can't handle it you should tell him.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I understand where you're coming from, but I also agree with Madge.
I can understand that it's awful. You just get used to him not being around, and BAM, he's back, and gone, and you have to re-adjust all over again. It's stressful, and painful.
But on the other hand, seeing him in person, and not having to wait around, is actually very healthy. It gives you something to look forward to, it keeps you two connected and up-to-date with each others lives (relatively speaking.) If there's something you need to talk about in person, you only have to wait a few weeks before you get that opportunity.
I can see the bad side, I can see the good side.
What I can suggest is that if you are stressed about other things, you may want to skip a visit every now and again. It can be tough just coping with life in general, and the pain of fresh seperation is not always the most productive thing for you at that time. You do get used to not having your SO around, and if I were in your shoes, I would probably be feeling the same way as you are right now.

[laura95]

I'm feeling like that. I feel so down for a week after he goes. I sit around & do nothing. My appetite goes, I don't do my school work, I just go to bed early & don't feel like getting up. & it drives me mad because I should be concentrating on my A Levels, helping my family, seeing friends etc, not wasting the days away feeling miserable. & then after I pass around the half way mark between visits, I tend to be alright, getting excited to see him again.
Then I finally do see him, everything's great, but there's always that niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'll have to leave & the whole cycle will repeat itself. & inevitably it does. Feeling miserable, being okay, getting excited, feeling miserable again...it feels like it never ends. Just like you, I want to just say STOP GIVE ME A BREAK!! so I completely understand why you dread seeing him. I'm 3 months into this, & I'm still the same, so I'm just taking it a visit at a time & seeing what happens, whether I start to feel better or not. At the minute, nothing's changed, & it's driving me mad. I hate it.
In a sense, it's worse for us that see our SOs every 2-3 weeks. You barely have time to recover emotionally before the whole cycle starts again. Those who see their SOs every few months or a few times a year can recover, feel a bit 'normal' again. But hey, we're all in this together.

[Dziubka]

Like Biddlybiddlybombop (you people have complicated nicks, I had to ctrl+c that) I understand where you're coming from.
When my boyfriend and I first became long distance I couldn't really enjoy short visits. I was happy to see him, but at the same time I knew that I had to go home soon and how painful that was. I sometimes spent half of the visit crying because I didn't want to leave him or him to leave me.
It's better for me now. we've been long distance vor more than 1,5 years and I've learnt to enjoy our time together. Even if it's only a weekend. Like so many things in life, it's a matter of training. Focus on the positive things.
It may be only for three weeks, but you'll see him again in three weeks. It's not that long. Break it down into units, eg. "only two weekends without him!". It helps me a lot.

[Minerva]

In a sense, it's worse for us that see our SOs every 2-3 weeks. You barely have time to recover emotionally before the whole cycle starts again. Those who see their SOs every few months or a few times a year can recover, feel a bit 'normal' again. But hey, we're all in this together.

Not really a fair assumption to make at all. Distance is hard for all of us, and some cope with the distance better than others. I last saw my SO for a long weekend in June. He'll be here in November for a week. The next visit isn't planned yet and could be as far away as next June. And I can't complain, because that's still more often than some other people get.

I happen to cope with the distance pretty well. I was upset when we said goodbye this last June, but I coped OK because I'm thrilled that he's out there in the world and he's my SO. I would KILL to be able to see him every 2-3 weeks. Yes, goodbyes might be painful, yes it might mean adjusting my life more often -- but to be able to hug him every couple of weeks? Look into his eyes? Hold his hand? WORTH IT. I know myself enough to know I'd cope pretty well with that.

For someone else, maybe they can't adjust as well as I could. We're all different, we all cope differently, and it's not a contest over who has it worse.

[Haley53]

Not really a fair assumption to make at all. Distance is hard for all of us, and some cope with the distance better than others. I last saw my SO for a long weekend in June. He'll be here in November for a week. The next visit isn't planned yet and could be as far away as next June. And I can't complain, because that's still more often than some other people get.

I happen to cope with the distance pretty well. I was upset when we said goodbye this last June, but I coped OK because I'm thrilled that he's out there in the world and he's my SO. I would KILL to be able to see him every 2-3 weeks. Yes, goodbyes might be painful, yes it might mean adjusting my life more often -- but to be able to hug him every couple of weeks? Look into his eyes? Hold his hand? WORTH IT. I know myself enough to know I'd cope pretty well with that.

For someone else, maybe they can't adjust as well as I could. We're all different, we all cope differently, and it's not a contest over who has it worse.

I agree.

The way I see it is that there are two sides to every story. Whereas you may not have time to fully "recover" between each visit, there's also the fact that you're on a stable routine of being able to see and spend time one another, that you both get to be in each other's company, even if only for a weekend, regularly, whereas some of us have had it once and aren't sure of when we're going to get it again. I won't see my partner for nine months at least - there are no plans because everything for him is up in the air at the moment - but with that said, I suppose you could turn it back on me and say at least I have time getting used to the distance again before everything's uprooted, and I have more recovery time, even if I have the uncertainty of when we're going to see one another. And like Minerva said, we're all different and all cope differently. I know that personally speaking, I tend to handle distance quite well, as does my partner; as much as we miss one another, we're confident in our feelings/love for one another and in that we'll see one another again, which helps us push through the uncerity; this was quite different to my ex who could not handle being apart for months at time, even though he and I saw one another more frequently than my partner and I do/will.

That said, megfashion, I understand that it's hard. :/ It really is so difficult saying goodbye, especially since you want nothing more to freeze time to be in their arms even one second longer... But bear in mind that there will come a day you'll have it everyday, no matter how far, and it will be worth it. I think that for me, when I'm feeling extremely down over the distance, it helps to go over what I'm grateful for about the relationship or the positives of it. It can help reframe your mind and re-focus you on the good and why it's worth it, as opposed to why it seems like it's not.

[megfashion]

laura95... we are exactly alike. im supposed to be focusing on a levels too!

i understand how people feel... having a year out, it must be truly aweful.

just i prepared myself for 13 weeks apart, and it was a huge hurdle to go over. he just keeps coming back, then getting down about leaving again. the january-may or whatever it is is going to be hell....

thanks for the advice. i do have a party im going to on the saturday that he is here (a friend is moving to new zealand and its her leaving party)... dont know how long id be there for.

much love to everyone.

[laura95]

Sorry if I offended anyone, I know what I was thinking, I'm just not very good at explaining exactly what I think. By harder I only meant that, the 'depression' phase we all seem to go through after visits come more often for those who see each other more often. I didn't mean that anyone had it easier/harder, just that if you're one of those people who find the first week or so after visits really hard, it can be more emotionally draining when those weeks come more often because there are more regular visits. I'm like that, but not everyone is. That's what I meant by 'in a sense', because we all deal with it in different ways, so for some it can be harder having to say goodbye more often than less. When you'd be more capable of dealing with longer spaces of time apart & get into a routine, than your emotions constantly being up & down after (fairly) frequent visits.

Please don't get me wrong though, big respect to those in the longer of long distance relationships.

---------- Post added at 11:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 PM ----------

It may be only for three weeks, but you'll see him again in three weeks. It's not that long. Break it down into units, eg. "only two weekends without him!". It helps me a lot.

I'm exactly like that. I break it down into thirds or quarters & count the sleeps down until visits. Usually it's 12 or 15 days, so every 3 days (if i'm counting quarters) or 5 days (if i'm counting thirds). Makes the time go so much quicker when I can visualise it in smaller parts. Works wonders!!

[megfashion]

Sorry if I offended anyone, I know what I was thinking, I'm just not very good at explaining exactly what I think. By harder I only meant that, the 'depression' phase we all seem to go through after visits come more often for those who see each other more often. I didn't mean that anyone had it easier/harder, just that if you're one of those people who find the first week or so after visits really hard, it can be more emotionally draining when those weeks come more often because there are more regular visits. I'm like that, but not everyone is. That's what I meant by 'in a sense', because we all deal with it in different ways, so for some it can be harder having to say goodbye more often than less. When you'd be more capable of dealing with longer spaces of time apart & get into a routine, than your emotions constantly being up & down after (fairly) frequent visits.

Please don't get me wrong though, big respect to those in the longer of long distance relationships.

i dont think you offended anyone......

in a personal opinion, any LDR *at all* is hard. even if it is every other weekend, that can be pretty draining, knowing that as soon as the weekend is over, wham the person is gone.
however, people who have months, some years, apart, thatd be a killer too because of not having the capability of seeing each other (im going to stop that sentence now because my mind has gone onto something else... hehe...)

all in this together, spose... hats off to people who can go the distance, across the world. and also to those who are a few hundred miles away, yet still dont have any way of seeing them for weeks....

i was merely just having abit of a vent, because it really gets me down. he suddenly says "oh im coming this weekend." at the start that cheered me up (before being on the pill, so i suppose emotions were high anyway!) but now its like.... whyyyy do you keep doing this give me a little bit of space to get used to the fact you arent here plz... ahhh


much love

[Minerva]

Sorry if I offended anyone, I know what I was thinking, I'm just not very good at explaining exactly what I think. By harder I only meant that, the 'depression' phase we all seem to go through after visits come more often for those who see each other more often. I didn't mean that anyone had it easier/harder, just that if you're one of those people who find the first week or so after visits really hard, it can be more emotionally draining when those weeks come more often because there are more regular visits. I'm like that, but not everyone is. That's what I meant by 'in a sense', because we all deal with it in different ways, so for some it can be harder having to say goodbye more often than less. When you'd be more capable of dealing with longer spaces of time apart & get into a routine, than your emotions constantly being up & down after (fairly) frequent visits.

Please don't get me wrong though, big respect to those in the longer of long distance relationships.

---------- Post added at 11:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 PM ----------



I'm exactly like that. I break it down into thirds or quarters & count the sleeps down until visits. Usually it's 12 or 15 days, so every 3 days (if i'm counting quarters) or 5 days (if i'm counting thirds). Makes the time go so much quicker when I can visualise it in smaller parts. Works wonders!!

No worries, not offended at all. =)

[Ms.Justine]

I think what I am go to say a lot of people have already stated but here goes... I think that everyone handles the distance differently. I don't think you're a completely evil person for feeling that way. However, I do want you to remember one thing - being able to see your SO every three weeks in a LDR is truly a blessing. There are folks on this site who have never met their partner, or have to wait months and years to be with their partners. I'm sorry if this comes off rude but - don't you feel a little selfish saying that you don't want to see your SO?

I mean call me crazy, but no matter how hard the goodbye is those unforgettable moments are worth it. The kissing, the talking, the laughing, the touching, the playful banters and adventures you guys can have while you're together. Aren't these moments worth it? Learn to control your emotions so that you can handle his goodbyes, and just remember that every day he is gone is another day he is closer to being with you again.

If you truly care about this person, and want a future with him. In my opinion, you shouldn't dread him coming...he is making an effort, spending money and putting in time just to be with you. Think about how lucky you are. My SO was gone for two months and now every other week because of busy schedules and because he lives across the city from me we don't get to see each other. So try having an emotionally exhausting week every other week. You learn to deal with it desensitize those emotions because if you truly love this person and want to be with them you'll do whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.

[Sora1101]

I say enjoy what you have, you're lucky to have two days with your SO. I went a year between each of my visits and one visit was for a day and the second was for two. Treat what you can get as special I'm sure there are tons of people on here who would kill for a couple of days with their SO's. But I do understand how painful it is to only really have your SO only a handful of days, the time goes by so fast you blink and it's over, all I can say is cherish it before it's gone.

[Engel]

Not really a fair assumption to make at all. Distance is hard for all of us, and some cope with the distance better than others. I last saw my SO for a long weekend in June. He'll be here in November for a week. The next visit isn't planned yet and could be as far away as next June. And I can't complain, because that's still more often than some other people get.

I happen to cope with the distance pretty well. I was upset when we said goodbye this last June, but I coped OK because I'm thrilled that he's out there in the world and he's my SO. I would KILL to be able to see him every 2-3 weeks. Yes, goodbyes might be painful, yes it might mean adjusting my life more often -- but to be able to hug him every couple of weeks? Look into his eyes? Hold his hand? WORTH IT. I know myself enough to know I'd cope pretty well with that.

For someone else, maybe they can't adjust as well as I could. We're all different, we all cope differently, and it's not a contest over who has it worse.

agree. it is bad to have to readjust to this every couple of weeks? guess so. but better than waiting months without a hug or kiss from your SO.