is it bad to feel like this....

[Bethypoo]

It is always hard when you have to leave your SO or they have to leave you. Its an issue we all have...EVERY TIME. But honestly I think you are being a but dramatic and I am trying to to be rude. A lot of people here rarely get to see their SO and that is what has given me prospective on how i treat the time with my SO.

Why are you complaining that he is choosing to come and see you? Who complains about that? Seriously, you just need to calm down and be happy that he is going to be there. Be happy that he making the time for you and that he is able to be there in general. If you are tired of the distance then you need to talk to him and decide id you are really wanting a break. You have posted a few threads with generally the same theme. We have all given you advice and support but it doesn't seem like you are making any changes to make yourself happier both in general and in your relationships.

So talk to him, be grateful and just breath. It will be fine.

[laura95]

don't you feel a little selfish saying that you don't want to see your SO?

I don't think she's being selfish, I think she's just means that she dreads the emotions that come with seeing her SO & then saying goodbye again, & how much it drains her that she dreads having to do it again...although she doesn't dread actually seeing him. I understand because I feel exactly the same sometimes. Am I right in saying that?

Also, are you at the start of being long distance? Because I'm 5 months in, so maybe it's something some people feel to begin with that we all finally get used to?

[Minerva]

I've been friends with my SO for years; we first met last year (as friends), and met a second time this year in June when we became more than friends. So it's a new relationship with an old friend.

When I left in June, I was upset and crying. Not because I was leaving, but because we hadn't decided if being in a long distance relationship was a wise move. I felt like I found the perfect partner for me, and I might lose him. At the same time, I spent much of the nearly 9 hour flight happy, smiling. Because even though our status was in doubt, there was no doubt in my mind he loved me, and no doubt about our connection. I sort of forced myself to forget we weren't really together, not yet anyway, because it seemed so obvious we were meant to be together.

In the subsequent months, I've missed him and I long for him, but I don't feel that profound sadness I see others here posting about. If anything, I'm so happy he's out there. I think about him, and I feel lighter and calmer and happy. I miss him, yes. And I miss his touch. I'm not happy or content with the situation. But I don't seem to hurt the way others here hurt.

He'll be here in a couple of weeks. We'll see how the goodbyes go. I'm sure there will be tears, but knowing myself, I'll probably get over it pretty quickly because as much as I miss him and want to be with him, the joy he brings me is greater. I'm just so damn grateful to have this man in my life and that I get to see him as often as I do considering there's an ocean between us.

Anyway, that's my perspective as someone in a new relationship.

Bottom line is, it's all up to the individual. I can't say I relate to those who don't cope well with frequent visits (heck, I don't even understand it), but I accept different people don't handle challenges the same way.

OP, I've said this to you before, and I don't mean it as a slam, but do you really think you're strong enough for an LDR? If seeing him -- something that should fill you with joy, not dread -- affects you so negatively, is this something you really want to keep doing? If you love him and you don't want to lose him, you need to find a way to regulate your emotions so they don't take over you. But if you're not capable of doing that, I think you really need to weigh if this relationship is worth all the pain.

[Ms.Justine]

I don't think she's being selfish, I think she's just means that she dreads the emotions that come with seeing her SO & then saying goodbye again, & how much it drains her that she dreads having to do it again...although she doesn't dread actually seeing him. I understand because I feel exactly the same sometimes. Am I right in saying that?

Also, are you at the start of being long distance? Because I'm 5 months in, so maybe it's something some people feel to begin with that we all finally get used to?

From what I got from the OP it appeared that way...she didn't want to see him because of the after effects...I get it. But it doesn't take away from the joys of being with your partner even just for a short amount of time. It is selfish if you think in the perspective that your partner is putting in time, effort and money just to be with you, and you'd rather not because you'll feel crappy after he/she goes How do you think this will make your SO feel? They put in all this effort to see their partner and in reality they don't really want them to come because it causes them too much pain later on. How do you think they feel? I'd imagine pretty awful. If someone can't handle these feelings, emotions and stress...perhaps a LDR isn't right for this person or anyone else that feels this way. I have been in a LDR for a year an a bit with my ex, and just recently with my new SO I have just closed the distance. I know the pain of them leaving. I understand the emotions, but I'm saying if this person is truly worth it. Then they're worth it. No if ands or buts.

I'm sorry if I sound like a complete cow. But I truly believe if a person is worth it they are worth it.