very confusing time in my life right now?

[rusty15]

So we are suppose to be closing out distance in January, I will be moving to CA. Every day the countdown is going down and down the move I flip-flop everyday!

My hormones are also going crazy, like last night I couldn't stop crying for no reason. Some days I am extremely excited and can't wait to move there and love him so much, other days I wonder if I am making a huge mistake and should just be single. I go back and forth to every extreme every day. I am just freaking out and I don't know why. I haven't seen him in awhile but he is coming in 3 weeks, so I guess I will see how I feel when I see him, but our last visit was 4 weeks ago and it was sooo amazing and romantic and was a lot of fun! But than when we are apart I start to flip-flop on him.

Anyone else feel this way?

[Minerva]

I think if you're this uncertain, you should hold off on uprooting yourself. A couple of days ago you posted about how you went dancing and grinded up against other guys, and now you're posting that you have doubts. Having a fun, romantic time with someone you only see every few weeks doesn't mean you're ready to move to be with him. It's easy to have a good time with someone you like and don't see often, and it's easy to avoid the hard issues. The reality is, once you move to be with him, things are going to get harder. Are you ready for the non-romantic realities?

And you don't just seem worried about the move; you talk about thinking perhaps you should be single; and then of course the previously mentioned grinding other guys...

Uncertainty in this situation is natural, but you sound really uncertain. If I were you and feeling like this, I wouldn't move.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with Minerva. I honestly don't think you're ready for this. You're not even sure you want to be in a relationship! Is there any opportunity for you to go and live with him, for a while, without having to actually properly move? A sort of...test run of living together? There are so many people who move to be with someone, and then find out that the reality of the day-to-day relationship, when you're both earning, cleaning, cooking... just wasn't right for them and their relationship. And it's a million times harder to move back from somewhere so far away.
I think you need to think seriously about the decisions you're about to make, and talk to your SO.

[rusty15]

This thing is we lived together for 4 months before he moved, so if he didn't move 7 months ago we would still be living together!

[Haley53]

I feel like numerous issues have presented themselves in this relationship, both on your end and on his, and though I don't think it's gotten to a point it's past the point of no return, I also am not sure if moving in together would be the best decision. Not presently. Because Minerva is right, it does get harder once you move in with someone, and in my opinion, four months is not the great test of time to prove that your relationship can work under the same roof. Again, as Minerva pointed out, you're not questioning whether or not now is the right time for a move, but whether or not you should end your relationship and there is the fact that you were flirting and grinding up against other guys whilst out dancing... Both, to me, are warning signs, because I feel that though many relationships have their ups and downs (in fact, I find it quite unhealthy if they don't), having the potential for a healthy, positive relationship does not mean having the want to either "just be single" or the want to flirt and dance with other men, at least not dancing so sexually/intimately. I feel that those are both things that should be looked into, because the way I see it is that what happens when the romance wears off? Or the honeymoon, rather. No, it's not guaranteed your relationship will lose every bit of romance in it, but the thing is that living together will not be like your visits and it will not be like the four months you spent together. It's not always going to be romantic and amazing and fun. Some days it's going to be mundane. Some days it's going to be hard. Some days it's going to be romantic. Most days it's going to be comfortable. And I would not be comfortable moving in with someone with all the doubts that seem to be running through your mind simply because the behaviour that eliminates those doubts is not always going to be the dominant behaviour. The fact that your parents also have their own [very valid, might I add] doubts about this leads me to believe that I feel you are rushing this decision. I don't feel that being a close distance couple is the cure all to "long distance problems," and I think you should probably take a little bit more time to think about your future and about what you want before jumping into moving in with your SO without accepting all the challenges and difficulties that are going to come with and without exploring why you sometimes desire to be single/have fun and flirt with other men.

[Mara]

I wouldn't move if I were you.

My SO and I have closed the distance once and when I moved to him I felt none of those things [and wouldn't have if I did]. I was very certain that he was the one I wanted to be with and what I was doing was what I wanted.

You don't sound sure of either.

If I had to guess, I'd say you are young [in your late teens early twenties], this guy is your first serious long term relationship, and you are confused about whether or not you want to be committed or be single.

[Bethypoo]

I agree. If you are unsure then maybe you should wait. There is a difference between being nervous (which is normal with any move) and being unsure and wondering if you are making a mistake. Just take a step back and figure out which one you are. And if it unsure then maybe you need to rethink your moving plans.

As for being single, just because you are doubting moving at this time, doesn't mean that you should be single.

[Engel]

If you are not sure about doing that, dont do it, it is something huge in your life, and if you do it with all of those thoughts all the time, it can end up being bad because its what you expected it to be, and in the end you would be: i always knew it wouldnt work.


only move somewhere, start a new relationship, anything new, when you are certain it can work, if you are having so many doubts, maybe it isnt the right thing to do, right now.