Announcement

**Zapookie** · November 5, 2011, 12:49 AM

I would suggest to not read through your old chat logs often. I have old chat logs back from 2010 that I read through only once, but it was purely for laughs.

I'm sure that this was your honeymoon phase. You need to understand that this happens in relationships. You go through ups and downs. I think once you get over the lovey dovey stuff, you become more comfortable in each other, and you don't feel the need to constantly compliment them and such because they should already know how you feel about them (although it is still nice to hear it from time to time). You cannot always expect things to be on such highs, because that is life. The point is though, that you get through those tough parts and come out stronger on the other side.

You can't really beat yourself up about this. If you're putting in all the effort, and she's not really making time for you, then there's not much you can do. I can suggest talking to her about this and telling her that you would like more time to talk to her. Even though people get really busy, they will always try and make time for the ones they love, that is the truth.

P.S: I also just want to add that its very different being with someone in person if you haven't met them yet. Do you guys have any meetings planned?

**Shepard-Fowkes** · November 5, 2011, 12:54 AM

You're reading from a time when your relationship was full of sparks. Now that the sparks are over, it's easy to miss them. But once those sparks turn to a smolder, you'll learn to enjoy that even more. Your relationship is changing, but for the better.

**kiara_silver** · November 5, 2011, 01:14 AM

I think its a good thing to look back on this, makes you appreciate the romantic gestures. And to want it again. I think that helps keep the passion and romance alive. But things do change, it's inedible i think. I look back on my relationship and were at a good place now, he still does the little things and i try to show him how much he means to me. But he doesn't go on webcam to sing our song any more, or we don't do little role plays or just things slowly change. but it depends where you go in your relationship from there, You can let things die away and slowly grow apart, or you can grow together and continue to appreciate each other in a more comfortable stage in your relationship. Just because the spark isn't as strong as when you first started dating, doesn't mean it has to go away completely. I think it comes and goes in the relationship, go through stages and periods, but if your a romantic at heart then it won't ever go away for good, and the spark and spice can be brought back. Sometimes life gets in the way at times, are things get busy and hectic, but don't let it get you down.

**Silvaria** · November 5, 2011, 02:58 AM

Well, to be honest, four months is mighty quick for a spark to have worn off...but a very busy life, paired with family stress, can simply ruin the mood for a lot of people.

If reading the old chat logs is torture, then please try to refrain...instead, consider focusing on what can be done in the here and now to give her the support and comfort that she needs, rather than lamenting something that may or may not be lost.

**Haley53** · November 5, 2011, 03:16 AM

In addition to what everyone else has said, I'd like to put my two cents in.

My partner is currently going through a difficult time himself. He lost his mother on the 15th of October. She was all he had, really, other than his 15-year-old brother, who he now has to think about parenting. Because their father's name is on the residency, they lost their home and are now being bounced around between family (his father's unfit). He has been extraordinarily busy. We text occasionally, but there's little more contact than that, even if we're trying to find the time (and he the loan of a phone, as he cannot hear out of his) to talk to one another more properly, because there's a lot that needs to be discussed. At this time, we are currently on a rather undefined break in our relationship. He needs time to re-evaluate who he is and where he's at, and I need to back off and give him that time.

Depending on what she's going through with her family and depending on her relationship to/with her family, it could very well be effecting her in the sense that she's pulling away from you. Believe you me, I was extremely hurt by the fact my partner arranged to go out with friends yet seemed very unwilling to put in the effort to talk with me. I often did what you did and read over old conversation history, and even recent texts where he promised that as hard as this was, it wasn't going to come between us; he was saying that up until the funeral, and it has been damn difficult to deal with the fact he cannot currently commit to being a boyfriend, simply because of what the label of a relationship, in his mind, brings to the table/forefront.

But the thing is that it is only temporary. Even if he and I were to never get back together, this lapse in our talkage/communication is only temporary. And though I cannot offer/provide any objective insight, being on your end in my own situation, I do want to say that I encourage you to be there for her, even through the hurt. Try not to take it personally, because if it's one thing my partner tried to grind into my head, it's that the current lack of definition to our relationship has nothing to do with me. I would imagine that your girlfriend's behaviour has nothing to do with you, either. Yes, it's painful when someone else becomes their support, but we need to realise and accept the fact that they have reasons. And depending on the circumstances, it may take some time before she figures things out and stops putting the distance between you she has. At that point, the "honeymoon" may come back naturally (although you're at a point in your relationship where I would guess it starts to fizzle out a bit, though it never did in mine, my opinion is more that this has to do with what's on her plate) or it may be something that needs to be rekindled, but for now, I honestly think it's best to leave her to do what she needs to do. Make it clear you're there for her, but don't push.

Other than that, all I can say is stop reading the conversations. Yes, it's tempting, but no, you don't have to be doing it right now. Keep them, save them, put them away, password protect them, but don't read them. When things are more stable between you two, then you can open up the history and reminisce, but right now, you really need to try and be as strong as is possible. I've been needing to stand on my own two feet, handle a lot on my own, deal with my own insecurities, etc. simply because my partner cannot be emotionally or mentally as present for me as he is normally, and I need to understand that, as the last thing I want to do is contribute to what he's going through. My best recommendation would be to do things to keep busy. Go out with friends, family, go out on your own even. Participate in activities, look at what's happening in your area in the next month, etc. Go out and exercise, pick-up a new hobby, etc. You need not to lose yourself through this experience or get so stuck in the past that you're sobbing over the way things are presently, because family stressors can significantly effect a relationship, especially since everyone deals/copes differently. I've found that for me, what really helps when I'm at my lowest is to either sit down and write a letter, journal my feelings out, or try and refocus my mind on what I love so much about my partner and who he is at the core/fundamentally. If I'm unable to do that, then I try and refocus my mind on 10 things in my life I appreciate and why. It oftentimes helps with my mood. Beyond that, I encourage you to hang in there. I simply wanted to let you know you're not alone in this.

**Daylan** · November 6, 2011, 09:49 PM

So, basically I needed to post this because it allowed me to just let out any and all emotions I had. While I wasn't *SOBBING*, I shed a few tears and it felt good to do so. Looking through my old messages showed me what we had and what we can have, so I'm not going to read them until she comes down. But, in all honesty, I don't think we can be like that again. Sure, we can be intimate and whatnot, but to be that blissful, I don't know....like y'all said, that was basically the "honeymoon" effect when we first started dating and it wore off, especially after she called me out on my clingyness (which was pretty much a wake-up call). I usually text her everyday, but for the past 2 I've kinda backed off (like, I didn't need to text her -maybe I should-). Oh well, thanks for all the replies everyone

Announcement

It pains me to read our old messages (very long, but read all of it, trust me)

It pains me to read our old messages (very long, but read all of it, trust me)

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment