I'm single, have been for months, still not over him. Help

[Emma-Louise]

So, Glen broke up with my at the end of July. I've been depressed every since. He's been with 2 other girls since then. Just 'meeting' as it's called. He's kissed them basically. But he stopped. And we were talking and he said if I was doing that he'd want to punch the guys teeth out. And that he still sees me in his future. But then he told me to just move on because it'll be better for me. I stopped eating and I couldn't sleep. I was so in love with him and it was killing me.

Last night, I thought I was over him enough to kiss this guy that really likes me. But after I did. I wanted to cry. And when I got home, I did cry. It felt so wrong and I felt like I was betraying everything my relationship with Glen stood for. I believe in love and kissing Mark, I felt NOTHING. I'm disgusted with myself. Because Mark's never had a relationship before. He's barely been kissed before and I don't know what to do..

Someone give me advice. Please.

[NaNi]

It's really unfair that he's allowed to kiss around, but wouldn't like seeing you do the same thing. But if he stopped doing that... have you been talking? Did you ask if there's a second chance for you guys?

[Emma-Louise]

I asked that. I thought that there might be. But he kept saying that it was better for me to move on. Not that he was moved on. When I ask him is he over me, he either says I don't know or changes the conversation topic. We haven't spoken in a while. It's his birthday today and everything. I just don't know what I'm doing with my life. And I'm finishing school this year. I have my Leaving Cert at the end of the year and then I'm graduating. I don't want to be depressed for my last year of school..

[NaNi]

You should tell him that the situation is bringing you down - that you need answers. Otherwise you won't know where you guys stand and you can't keep feeling miserable just because he won't share his thoughts with you.

[Moon]

The best advice I can give you is to stop talking to him. He broke up with you, yet he knows he still has control over your emotions, and you're letting him have it. The whole "friends" thing right after breaking up is NOT the best idea. How is it helping you to know about the other girls he's with? He's screwing with you by saying he sees you together in the future, he's giving you false hope and making it so you're always hanging on to it, and him. If you really want to move on, disappear from his life. Block him on chat clients, send his mail to your junk folders, block him on FB, and ignore his texts. Trust me, you won't be over him until you do this.

[Haley53]

I agree with Moon, really.

It is painfully difficult to imagine a life without our partners, the ones we once put so much faith and stock into, the ones that held our hopes and dreams for the future, but I promise you that letting go eventually becomes less painful than hanging on. Letting go will have you leading a much less depressed year than will hanging on, because if you continue to hang on, he will continue to, consciously or subconsciously, toy with your emotions the way he has been. The way I see it is that even if someone initiates a break-up, even if someone decides they don't want the relationship any longer, even if someone decides they no longer have feelings for the other person, the jealousy/want to "punch their teeth out" is still going to be existent. Why? Put simply because it's not easy for either party to go from being in a relationship to being in a friendship, and neither partner is going to be all encouraging of their ex-partner going out the next day and finding someone else. I think it's human nature to want to continue to be important to someone, and I think some people capitalise on what feelings can do for that insecurity. To me that sounds like what's happening here. To me it sounds like he wants to have fun and see other people, but he doesn't want the same for you because it's a blow to his ego. I don't think it has anything to do with that he's not over you - if he wasn't over you/ready to let you go, he would not have let you, or it would have been clarified, not skipping around so he doesn't have to give you a direct answer - but more that he doesn't want to lose what's currently fueling his ego. At 20, I can't say I'm very much older than you, but I have seen plenty of younger guys who have been thrilled at a chance for female attention and who get that sense of competitive and testosterone-fueled edge when the attention is turned to someone else; it's the same thing when some women feel a little bit insulted that the person who liked them moves on from them, even if there was never any chance for a relationship. So my advice would be to do what Moon says. Stop giving him control of your emotions and take a break. It doesn't have to be permanent - maybe you can resume your friendship in the future - but it rarely happens that one is able to be friends right after a break-up and this isn't something you deserve to be put through. It will be worse for you to continue on hanging on with false hope, watching him cavort with other women in the meantime, and putting up with the pain of psychoanalysing everything he says. My opinion is this relationship is over, but he's not being as honest with you about it as he could be; it comes off as that he's trying to soften the blow, to me.

[lucybelle]

FYI my first heartbreak took me more than a year to get over completely. No I wasn't depressed and eating ice cream out of the container the whole time. But I didn't feel over him for a long time.

You guys just broke up in July, that's still a fresh wound. I agree with Moon in that you need to sever some ties right now. Stop talking to him. When my very first boyfriend broke up with me he continued to tell me he wanted to be with me and he wanted me in the future. It just made things difficult, so I stopped talking to him altogether. Six years later, we're not buddy-buddy, but we're cordial acquaintances.

[Semperfikindoflove]

From my experience, I will give you some of the best advice my ex could have given me when we broke up. It's when I realized that I had to move on. I always felt guilty about hanging with other guys and having a relationship with someone else after we broke up but he told me that if we ever have a chance again, I couldn't just sit there waiting for it to happen. If it does it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't. That's kind of how this life works unfortunately. I know it hurts and I know it sucks right now but you have to move on and try other things. It's not betrayal because you don't two are no longer together. You need to give yourself time to heal but once you have, you need to move on and start your life. You have a great future ahead of you whether or not it includes the one person you thought it would. You will still have your happily ever after. Good luck, if you need anything let me know.

You have to remember to eat and sleep, if you don't it will only make you feel worse about the situation. I started to not eat or sleep when my ex and I broke up in June of this year. It hurt so badly because I loved him but he wasn't good for me. I'm now happily dating my best friend that I haven't dated for four years. This is my happy ending, I still love my ex but I realize that we will never be together. But the more I started to eat and sleep, the better I felt about my life, the more positive I became. You just have to remember that things will get better with time. It is said it takes half of the time you have dated to get over the person. I dated my ex for a year and a half so about 18 months. So in essence it should take 9 months for me to get over him. Keep that in mind as you are healing. Don't give up!

[Silvaria]

Going to throw my vote in with Moon...no contact with him, period. Staying "friends" with him, or even in touch with him, is giving HIM time to move on slowly while keeping YOU hanging on.

My advice is to let him know that communicating with him is too painful, and that if he truly does want you to move on, he'll stop contacting you.

If he's a mature and caring guy, he'll respect your wishes.

If he doesn't, and continues writing and/or calling, then you see his true colors, which is that he only cares about HIS needs, and not yours.

Please keep us posted.

[Engel]

I dont agree with this, it reminds me of one friend of mine. She is in love with this guy, and got pregant of him, their son is now 3 years old. and he always tells her how she is the woman of his life, BUT, for the future. so he is out and about, screwing everything that moves, and makes her believe he is going to be there for her, and bla bla bla.


you are better of in the way that you dont have a kid with this guy. she, in one way or another, even if she decided to free herself from him (he is controlling and even chooses her haircut!!!), will always have their son in common. you not, you can still find someone better and cut ALL contacts with this guy.


i know it isnt easy, i really know it, but see what is best for you. *hugs*

[Shepard-Fowkes]

Your ex reminds me so much of one of mine. I spent so much of my heart on him --and he's still (thankfully) an ex. Save your time and energy for someone who will give it to you in return. Move on, for your own sake. There's a saying that helped me through your situation: don't cry for someone who wouldn't give you a tissue.