Now with my SO for my visit....

[lysie]

Well all i have to say is the last week has been high intense with all different types of emotions for me.

Before i left to come to visit my long distance partner of 3 years i was anxious and for the first time very nervous....

I have been with him for 4 days now in canada.

When i saw him my heart skipped a beat and i was extrememly excited and reasured i still had the same feelings.
when we hang out that night it was great and for the next two days pretty amazing and i was wondering what all my worries were about.
NOW i am realising i have a major insecurity and trust issue from how he had treated me for the last 3 months.

He has done some amazing and specail things since i have been here.... But today i have been overdrawn with emotion as he has gone off to work in the city for the day and night. I have yet to meet his friends. and he keeps trying to reasure me i will but i am staying at his parents place alone tonight and the missing is killing me. (i feel pathetic as i should be able to trust him, i should be able to be ok with everyday things like him working.) but right now i am down in the dumps wondering.....again (if uve seen my last posts ud understand)


he tells me he will try to come back tonight, but may have to stay in the city..... i dont understand why i couldnt go. so asked. (at the flat he stays at he sleeps on a blow up bed and said he has to organize somthing for us before i go in with him) its hard.... going from having him again to not having him around....

anyone been in a similar situation? any advice

[Zapookie]

Was this the first visit between you two or have you seen each other before? I'm not sure if I remember you mentioning this before or not. Generally, I don't really think its okay for him to leave you at home alone if he is capable of making it home, or taking you with him. It's not really fair when you've spent all this money to visit and he's treating it like its something casual. You do need to speak to him and voice your concern about this. Who does he stay with when he stays in the city? I'm sorry I don't have much else as I have never been in this situation before but I wirh you the best of luck.

[Bethypoo]

If he was able to take you with him then i think he should have. I mean if he not staying at home then where is he staying? What about it makes it so that you cant go? I think if it is your first meeting I understanding wanting to keep things below the radar but at the same time i dont. I would like to make sure things went okay but at the same time i would want my friends to know that the person i have been talking about all of the time was finally here.

Ive never been in the situation but it is DEFIANTLY something that you need to discuss with him. Dont let it go by because it will just cause contempt and then maybe more mistrust and that is not something you want if you can prevent it.

[lysie]

We have been together 3 years and i have met his parents. he stays in a rental in the city on a blow up single matress. so wants me to be comfortable at his parents place. he came back today and i tried to talk to him about it and as usual he gets angry about it. says i dont trust him and i need to work on behaving better. i do know that i can be full on and somtimes think things are happening that arent (have done this in the past) but it is very hard for me atm. I completely trusted him till around 3 months ago when he moved to the city and we began to talk less. and less.... he says it is because he was busy but i am fighting within myself to understand. I love him very much. to me he is "the one" im sick of arguing with him over things. but at the same time i wish he would just talk to me without getting angry. its making me feel inadequit and not good enough etc. and i really donnot like the feeling. i want to enjoy our time together. but its hard when i feel as if there are so many unresolved issues. he says that there isnt and when i bring up things that he believes im trying to sabotage the relationship. I should be happy im here. but i feel drained and sad because things feel so good then it takes one thing to put me on a downer about everything again

For example he is texting people alot more while im around and says they are work friends. yet he doesnt want me to meet them because he doesnt like how they treat women. but reads out text messages and tells me that he jokes around with them on how crazy i have been acting latly. its hurting my feelings....

maybe im too soft.... i think that the longing to be with him and the lack of communication is making things very hard.
i thought we could resolve issues whilst i was here and move forward. they feel resolved and then i feel like hes hiding somthing again.... -sighs. it hurts deep.
i am madly in love with this guy

---------- Post added at 11:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:11 AM ----------

been together 3 years this is my 3rd visit. he has visited new zealand 3 times also.

[savoie-truffle]

Hey again,
Ive been following your posts and Im glad things are going better than you had originally expected but I so wish they were going better. I dont really know what to say because I dont know it does sort of seem like hes hiding something by his response to you asking. Like Ive said before Im much like you and my bf and I do have spats over our different ways of thinking and approaching things but I feel like if it came down to it he wouldnt get angry at me for being concerned.

Also Im so sorry to nitpick but did he really say you need to behave. that along with saying he has been hanging out with guys who dont value women kind of sets off a red flag for me. Maybe this new side of him is influenced by them but in that case I think you need to just decide if hes changed too much. I know you are in love and its been 3 years but ultimately people do change and if hes turning into a person who doesnt value you maybe you just deserve better (well in that case you DEFINITELY would haaha Im just saying maybe thats what you need to realize)

Im just sending you tons of hugs and wishing that the rest of your trip gets better. I really hope you get some closure on why hes not wanting you in the city as I know it would be driving me nuts as well !

[lysie]

Thankyou. yeah he left for work thismorning. said he would contact me on his work break but seems like his msn isnt working. (im getting his messages he cant see mine) told me we would head to the city tomorrow to meet some of his friends. so fingers crossed it sheds some light. ah just sick of the headache.