It was inevitable that i write a thread seeking advice on my relationship situation. As I've mentioned in a few Threads Wes and I have been together almost a year. In August he tried to move here. The place I arranged for him to stay at was under renovation, so it wasn't perfect but he had a free place to stay til he got a job. His room wasn't included in the renovation either. It had a twin sized bed and his own half bathroom (in October i got a queen sized Futon n remedied that situation). I provided all the food and supplies for the house. Anyway, his living situation set the tone for his entire 3 month stay. He couldn't find work, was living off me and felt completely guilty inside for mooching off me.
About two months in at the end of September I was set to take my annual vacation in Florida, and was on my last overnight of the weekend. He got me on Skype (which we continued to do when he was here when i worked overnights), and told me A) this wasn't working out we were too different and B) He was going home Monday (which was when i was set to leave for Florida.) Your going to ask me why he wasn't coming with me its because i go down every year to visit one of my gfs from high school, their family is crazy religious so he would have to stay in a hotel. So, of course i freaked out cried, yelled, etc. I got home in the morning and we talked, and I attempted to sleep. The night was very uncomfortable til we took a walk and we talked about all this bs he had sprung on me. He agreed he didn't want to break up and he didn't know why he said that to me. The rest of the night was sad but amazing. We both packed and had an extremely sad goodbye the next day. When i got to Florida i got the news that he had changed his mind and come bak. I was thrilled, but i made him promise not to pull that on me again.
Another month went by after i got home. He still couldn't find work, but we appeared happy. I got home from my overnight on Friday morning, and he told me that his parents told him if he went home they would pay for him to go to school but he had to go home tomorrow. So he was going home Saturday morning. He had broken his promise and broken my heart again. I sobbed for at least two hours. We had spoken previously about him going home, i told him that was fine, BUT I had got us tix to see Conan O'brien in NYC on Halloween and our anniversary was coming up on 11/22. I just wanted him to stay til then. Yea no, Saturday morning. He told me that the airfare would be too expensive at the end of November. (this turned out to be untrue would have been $100 less and no layovers, but he didn't even research it). We did the same thing as before spent the last night together and had a heartbreaking goodbye at the airport. I spent the rest of the afternoon crying and cleaning up our life at the house.
As you can imagine in the 12 hours it took him to get home i had alotta time to be angry and by the time i got home i hated him. We talked briefly and over the next week I calmed down a little. The week after he got his old job back, he had no free time and barely spoke to me. When we did talk it was a fight or he was too tired. Week three it got a little better, i wasn't crying i wasn't angry, i was on the path to forgiveness. Here is my problem. I've forgiven him, but i know that the scars of hurt, abandonment and brokenheartness are still there. He doesn't get that. I need so much reassurance right now that he loves me, misses me, is thinking about me....but he's not doing any of it. Before he came he would leave me notes saying he was thinking about me or how much he loved me, he won't even say he misses me without me saying it first. He says its bc hes so tired from work....and because he can't forgive himself for what he did. He's pushing me to my breaking point....if all i have is arguments and no positive reassurance how am i going to survive until he is capable of forgiving himself. I Feel like the Wes i knew in July vanished...and got replaced by this half version.
Any advice you can offer on this would be most helpful. I am so sorry this is so long.
About two months in at the end of September I was set to take my annual vacation in Florida, and was on my last overnight of the weekend. He got me on Skype (which we continued to do when he was here when i worked overnights), and told me A) this wasn't working out we were too different and B) He was going home Monday (which was when i was set to leave for Florida.) Your going to ask me why he wasn't coming with me its because i go down every year to visit one of my gfs from high school, their family is crazy religious so he would have to stay in a hotel. So, of course i freaked out cried, yelled, etc. I got home in the morning and we talked, and I attempted to sleep. The night was very uncomfortable til we took a walk and we talked about all this bs he had sprung on me. He agreed he didn't want to break up and he didn't know why he said that to me. The rest of the night was sad but amazing. We both packed and had an extremely sad goodbye the next day. When i got to Florida i got the news that he had changed his mind and come bak. I was thrilled, but i made him promise not to pull that on me again.
Another month went by after i got home. He still couldn't find work, but we appeared happy. I got home from my overnight on Friday morning, and he told me that his parents told him if he went home they would pay for him to go to school but he had to go home tomorrow. So he was going home Saturday morning. He had broken his promise and broken my heart again. I sobbed for at least two hours. We had spoken previously about him going home, i told him that was fine, BUT I had got us tix to see Conan O'brien in NYC on Halloween and our anniversary was coming up on 11/22. I just wanted him to stay til then. Yea no, Saturday morning. He told me that the airfare would be too expensive at the end of November. (this turned out to be untrue would have been $100 less and no layovers, but he didn't even research it). We did the same thing as before spent the last night together and had a heartbreaking goodbye at the airport. I spent the rest of the afternoon crying and cleaning up our life at the house.
As you can imagine in the 12 hours it took him to get home i had alotta time to be angry and by the time i got home i hated him. We talked briefly and over the next week I calmed down a little. The week after he got his old job back, he had no free time and barely spoke to me. When we did talk it was a fight or he was too tired. Week three it got a little better, i wasn't crying i wasn't angry, i was on the path to forgiveness. Here is my problem. I've forgiven him, but i know that the scars of hurt, abandonment and brokenheartness are still there. He doesn't get that. I need so much reassurance right now that he loves me, misses me, is thinking about me....but he's not doing any of it. Before he came he would leave me notes saying he was thinking about me or how much he loved me, he won't even say he misses me without me saying it first. He says its bc hes so tired from work....and because he can't forgive himself for what he did. He's pushing me to my breaking point....if all i have is arguments and no positive reassurance how am i going to survive until he is capable of forgiving himself. I Feel like the Wes i knew in July vanished...and got replaced by this half version.
Any advice you can offer on this would be most helpful. I am so sorry this is so long.
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